New Member Needing Advice

[TSTUHLDR]

Greetings - I'm brand new to the site and came across it in my search for answers on how to cope with my youngest son's lying, stealing, and anger. He is only 8 yrs old and we didn't encounter this level of behaviour with our two other boys. His stealing (little things so far) and lying (about the stealing) have landed him in hot water with his teachers, and just yesterday he got inschool suspension. Next time it will be out of school suspension.

My husband and I have tried everything. We've tried talking to him rationally, we've placed him on restriction, we took away his toys with the understanding that he could earn them back one at a time by making it through the week without taking things and then lying about it when he gets caught, we shake him down (search him) before and after school, we've yelled, we've cried, we've pleaded... Everything short of spanking him!

I am calling a psychologist to make an appointment on Monday - this is how desperate for help I have become.

C is a loving and caring little guy and has a tremendous spirit (something I refuse to let anyone trample on), but we simply can't get him to stop stealing and lying. And when he is caught he get's so angry, tense, and sometimes makes like he's going to crash his head into the wall or on the kitchen counter (although he never actually does - he uses his arms as cushion... but still it is frightening!).

 

[totoro]

Hi and welcome! I am sorry you have found us, but you will get lots of support!

I would not go to a Psychologist as my first option. Personally I would want to see a Psychiatrist or get a full evaluation like a Nuero-psychiatric evaluation. Or go to a teaching hospital for a full evaluation. They will usually have clinics and can get you in for a Multi Disciplinary evaluation or something along those lines.
Have you talked to your Pediatrician? I would try that and see who they recommend and tell them how you are feeling and ask for more than a Psychologist. Get a referral if you need one.

In the meantime tell us more about your family and history. And ask more questions if you want.

 

[Andy]

Good morning and welcome! I don't have experience in the lying.

I feel that the board is extra quiet last night and this morning so don't give up on someone coming along with more help than I can give. Maybe everyone is gearing up for next weekend? I am sure someone will come along soon.

Have you sat down and calmly asked him how he feels before he takes things? "difficult child, you have been struggling stealing and lying lately. Any idea what might be making you take things that are not yours?"

Is he taking them because he really wants them or because the actual process of stealing without being caught is a game?

I think calling for a psychologist will help. Some have very long waiting lists to get in. Someone will come along soon and maybe give you other options.

Welcome!

 

[Andy]

Totoro snuck in on me - she knows her stuff! See, I knew someone with more experience then mine would be here soon.

 

[ML]

Welcome! I think you are the first person I have seen in this group from Colorado! This is a phenomenal group. I also have connections to a local group if you're interested, pm me.

You may want to give the group some details about his background. For instance were there mental health or addiction issues on either side of the family? These can skip a generation. How were his developmental milestones? Any speech delays?

From what you've said it could be a number of things. Some of our kids requrie a different parenting strategy and there are books you may want to read like "The Explosive Child" by Ross Green. For instance I never restrict manster in terms of keeping him in the house because he has some agoraphobic like behaviors and getting him out of the house can be an act of God.

Again, welcome from a fellow Coloradoan.

ML

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there

I highly recommend a complete evaluation done by a neuropsychologist rather than a regular psychologist. They ARE psychologists, but have extra training in the brain and, rather than therapy or behavioral help only, they do intensive testing and are good at pinpointing the problems. The questions about early development are good ones. Also, are there any psychiatric problems on either side of the family tree? Substance abuse?
Glad you are here.

 

[Nancy423]

My daughter is similar. She steals a lot and gets violent when you catch her. Attacking with- fists, destroying property and throwing things. Then she feels so bad afterwards when the tantrum ends.
Here's my take - we went to YEARS of therapy with SWs, psychologists and numerous psychiatrists with very little to show for it. She didn't talk to these people, and they kept telling me they were getting no where. The psychiatrists just threw ADHD medications at us. In calmer times, my difficult child is very affectionate and loving believe it or not!

If your gut tells you it's deeper than what you see, maybe a more intensive neuropsychologist evaluation is what you need. If you feel it might be worth trying the psychiatric first, then go for it. You are THE expert on your child whether you feel like it or not.

 

[Steely]

Welcome..........
I am sorry things are so rough.
I do not think calling a professional is desperate, it is a good positive step towards finding a long term solution.

I agree with the others, that in addition to seeing a therapist, I would have him evaluated by a Neuro-psychiatric. Sounds like he may have some chemical imbalances going on in his brain that are causing him to act out. Those chemical imbalances need to be corrected before discipline or talking rationally will help to its fullest extent.

Hugs, I know it is hard. We are all there with you.