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New Member needs advice adult child choosing to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="WearyMom18" data-source="post: 653377" data-attributes="member: 18856"><p>Caybre, you have landed in a place of understanding and clarity. My Difficult Child is 18 and female but doing some of the same things and I'm struggling but I have learned that, for your health and emotional well-being, you need to say no and begin to detach. </p><p></p><p>Your son has learned that if he cries or makes his story desperate enough you will always come through with something. You do it because you can't stand the thought of turning him down (guilt) but really, he is manipulating you and for that you should be angry. I had to learn that my daughter CHOSE her situation. Nothing I did in how I raised her made her choose this life. You too can CHOOSE to allow him to live his chosen path on his own. You have to go into protection mode for yourself. Just a few months ago I was doing what you've been doing and I was physically ill from the stress and guilt and anguish of not being able to fix my child. I couldn't sleep, I had chronic headaches, anxiety, weight loss, the list goes on. </p><p></p><p>Start trying to take care of you with the same effort you are putting into him. I feel so much better since I realized that I was making myself sick while keeping my child comfortable doing things that are harmful and destructive.</p><p></p><p>I feel for you because at tines I still feel sadness and worry but we are here for you and can truly understand where are. Post often and read others posts, it's a true comfort.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WearyMom18, post: 653377, member: 18856"] Caybre, you have landed in a place of understanding and clarity. My Difficult Child is 18 and female but doing some of the same things and I'm struggling but I have learned that, for your health and emotional well-being, you need to say no and begin to detach. Your son has learned that if he cries or makes his story desperate enough you will always come through with something. You do it because you can't stand the thought of turning him down (guilt) but really, he is manipulating you and for that you should be angry. I had to learn that my daughter CHOSE her situation. Nothing I did in how I raised her made her choose this life. You too can CHOOSE to allow him to live his chosen path on his own. You have to go into protection mode for yourself. Just a few months ago I was doing what you've been doing and I was physically ill from the stress and guilt and anguish of not being able to fix my child. I couldn't sleep, I had chronic headaches, anxiety, weight loss, the list goes on. Start trying to take care of you with the same effort you are putting into him. I feel so much better since I realized that I was making myself sick while keeping my child comfortable doing things that are harmful and destructive. I feel for you because at tines I still feel sadness and worry but we are here for you and can truly understand where are. Post often and read others posts, it's a true comfort. Hugs to you! [/QUOTE]
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