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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 58606" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Something I didn't mention, but which was made clear to me tonight - difficult child 1 was stretched out beside me on my bed (I'm recovering from my cold; plus, "Pretty Woman" was on and I was TRYING to watch it).</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 was reading his current favourite comic book - "Footrot Flats". It's about a New Zealand farmer, his dog is the main character. NOTHING like Snoopy!</p><p>But difficult child 3 is learning a lot of social stuff from comics and cartoons. They are much simpler, more stylised. A comic strip has the set-up and the punch line. difficult child 3 keeps asking me to explain a joke - sometimes he asks me to explain each one. He's really digging into it - "Why did Wal smile at Dog?"</p><p>"Why is Dog acting like that?" "Why did Dog let the boar take refuge from the broody sow in his water tank kennel, but not let Wal hide from Aunt Dolly?"</p><p></p><p>Needless to say, I'm glad I've seen that movie many times before.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 also reads Mad magazines. He's studying the humour, especially the satire. He also has begun using the humour in his own social situations. And also he uses a lot of stuff from his computer games, in social situations.</p><p></p><p>I've mentioned before, how the first time he successfully got rid of a bully, it was because of a line he adopted from one of his games. difficult child 3 was running down to the library, when a kid who used to bully difficult child 3 regularly began to chase him and throw things at him. difficult child 3 stopped briefly, turned round and said, "I'm really busy right now. Can I come back and ignore you later?" and then kept going to the library. He said he glanced back - the bully was just standing there, mouth open. On the way back from the library, the bully was nowhere to be seen.</p><p></p><p>I did manage to put in some time restrictions. We also make sure they have valid reasons for existing, too. At first our reasons were based on needing to get difficult child 3 settled for bed without being overstimulated. One computer game we had would give him nightmares. So we banned certain games after 6 pm.</p><p></p><p>Our current restrictions - no gaming when there are tasks to be done. This includes taking medication; eating meals; bathing; chores; getting ready for bed.</p><p>On school days difficult child 3 may play games once he'd medicated and had his breakfast, but the games stop at 9 am. (Sooner, if we've agreed he will begin work earlier).</p><p>NO gaming is permitted during school hours. This includes lunchtime. Preferably, he can eat his lunch while he continues to do schoolwork.</p><p></p><p>Schoolwork finishes at 3.30 pm or when set tasks are complete, whichever is the longer. difficult child 3 can then play games until 7 pm, apart from time spent doing chores. But from 7 pm to 8.30 pm, tasks must be done as a priority, games stop immediately when he's asked to do something like eat dinner, have a bath, clean teeth etc. Games can only continue when he is completely ready for bed, including teeth cleaned.</p><p>Games MUST finish at 8.30 pm. Bedtime is at 9.30 pm or whenever he chooses (if earlier). Lights out at 10 pm. From 8.30 pm, reading is permitted but no gaming.</p><p></p><p>We tend to relax things during school holidays, but I still involve difficult child 3 in other activities and often (these days) he will take himself off for a walk or a visit. Today he visited his best friend just after lunch, then came home and told me he was visiting a young neighbour over the road. OK, he's probably gaming at both houses, but at least he's playing with someone else, plus walking there and back.</p><p></p><p>Back when difficult child 3 was very young, he would sit and watch the same movie or taped TV show over and over, with the subtitles on. He would stop, rewind, play it, stop, rewind, play it again. He sometimes changed languages but generally not until about ten years old. Before then, he would just watch. It seemed like nothing was happening.</p><p>But what was happening - he was learning social situations, the whole lot in one go. The social context; the dialogue; the facial expressions and body language; the vocal intonation; the pronunciation; the spelling. He HAD to learn it all in one huge chunk, or fail to understand it at all.</p><p>He began to quote huge chunks of text. In some cases we had the manuscripts printed out and he would read them while he watched the show. In later years, he would watch a cartoon/movie and keep pausing the tape, while he ran to the computer to type up the next part of the manuscript.</p><p></p><p>Yes, it's obsessive, but it's helped him communicate. There is a lot we didn't understand for a long time, but we see our kids doing weird things which later turn out to make sense in some sort of weird way. It has helped them make progress.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 learned to talk not by watching "Play School" but by watching a TV series for adult migrants.</p><p>He learned to count not by watching "Sesame Street" but by watching the display on the microwave oven, and by reading car licence plates and letter boxes.</p><p></p><p>Because difficult child 3 knows that we will not block his gaming completely, he feels secure about the restrictions.</p><p></p><p>When difficult child 1 was in his final years of high school gaming was interfering with his study. We made an agreement to limit his gaming time per day - I actually asked difficult child 1 to name the number of hours per day and he, not realising how excessive his play was, nominated four hours a day (thinking it was the amount he played). He was horrified at how much less game time he got - which then horrified him at how much time he had previously been playing.</p><p>difficult child 1 then asked me to police his gaming and quarantine him from games entirely, until he had reached a certain stage in his lessons. So I removed a vital component - with difficult child 1's blessing - and hid it.</p><p>It was interesting to see how he coped - or didn't - with total loss of game time. </p><p>He actually lasted several weeks but he was so relived when we finally reconnected everything!</p><p></p><p>But because HE set the limits, he felt more in control and it was easier for those limits to be followed.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 58606, member: 1991"] Something I didn't mention, but which was made clear to me tonight - difficult child 1 was stretched out beside me on my bed (I'm recovering from my cold; plus, "Pretty Woman" was on and I was TRYING to watch it). difficult child 3 was reading his current favourite comic book - "Footrot Flats". It's about a New Zealand farmer, his dog is the main character. NOTHING like Snoopy! But difficult child 3 is learning a lot of social stuff from comics and cartoons. They are much simpler, more stylised. A comic strip has the set-up and the punch line. difficult child 3 keeps asking me to explain a joke - sometimes he asks me to explain each one. He's really digging into it - "Why did Wal smile at Dog?" "Why is Dog acting like that?" "Why did Dog let the boar take refuge from the broody sow in his water tank kennel, but not let Wal hide from Aunt Dolly?" Needless to say, I'm glad I've seen that movie many times before. difficult child 3 also reads Mad magazines. He's studying the humour, especially the satire. He also has begun using the humour in his own social situations. And also he uses a lot of stuff from his computer games, in social situations. I've mentioned before, how the first time he successfully got rid of a bully, it was because of a line he adopted from one of his games. difficult child 3 was running down to the library, when a kid who used to bully difficult child 3 regularly began to chase him and throw things at him. difficult child 3 stopped briefly, turned round and said, "I'm really busy right now. Can I come back and ignore you later?" and then kept going to the library. He said he glanced back - the bully was just standing there, mouth open. On the way back from the library, the bully was nowhere to be seen. I did manage to put in some time restrictions. We also make sure they have valid reasons for existing, too. At first our reasons were based on needing to get difficult child 3 settled for bed without being overstimulated. One computer game we had would give him nightmares. So we banned certain games after 6 pm. Our current restrictions - no gaming when there are tasks to be done. This includes taking medication; eating meals; bathing; chores; getting ready for bed. On school days difficult child 3 may play games once he'd medicated and had his breakfast, but the games stop at 9 am. (Sooner, if we've agreed he will begin work earlier). NO gaming is permitted during school hours. This includes lunchtime. Preferably, he can eat his lunch while he continues to do schoolwork. Schoolwork finishes at 3.30 pm or when set tasks are complete, whichever is the longer. difficult child 3 can then play games until 7 pm, apart from time spent doing chores. But from 7 pm to 8.30 pm, tasks must be done as a priority, games stop immediately when he's asked to do something like eat dinner, have a bath, clean teeth etc. Games can only continue when he is completely ready for bed, including teeth cleaned. Games MUST finish at 8.30 pm. Bedtime is at 9.30 pm or whenever he chooses (if earlier). Lights out at 10 pm. From 8.30 pm, reading is permitted but no gaming. We tend to relax things during school holidays, but I still involve difficult child 3 in other activities and often (these days) he will take himself off for a walk or a visit. Today he visited his best friend just after lunch, then came home and told me he was visiting a young neighbour over the road. OK, he's probably gaming at both houses, but at least he's playing with someone else, plus walking there and back. Back when difficult child 3 was very young, he would sit and watch the same movie or taped TV show over and over, with the subtitles on. He would stop, rewind, play it, stop, rewind, play it again. He sometimes changed languages but generally not until about ten years old. Before then, he would just watch. It seemed like nothing was happening. But what was happening - he was learning social situations, the whole lot in one go. The social context; the dialogue; the facial expressions and body language; the vocal intonation; the pronunciation; the spelling. He HAD to learn it all in one huge chunk, or fail to understand it at all. He began to quote huge chunks of text. In some cases we had the manuscripts printed out and he would read them while he watched the show. In later years, he would watch a cartoon/movie and keep pausing the tape, while he ran to the computer to type up the next part of the manuscript. Yes, it's obsessive, but it's helped him communicate. There is a lot we didn't understand for a long time, but we see our kids doing weird things which later turn out to make sense in some sort of weird way. It has helped them make progress. difficult child 3 learned to talk not by watching "Play School" but by watching a TV series for adult migrants. He learned to count not by watching "Sesame Street" but by watching the display on the microwave oven, and by reading car licence plates and letter boxes. Because difficult child 3 knows that we will not block his gaming completely, he feels secure about the restrictions. When difficult child 1 was in his final years of high school gaming was interfering with his study. We made an agreement to limit his gaming time per day - I actually asked difficult child 1 to name the number of hours per day and he, not realising how excessive his play was, nominated four hours a day (thinking it was the amount he played). He was horrified at how much less game time he got - which then horrified him at how much time he had previously been playing. difficult child 1 then asked me to police his gaming and quarantine him from games entirely, until he had reached a certain stage in his lessons. So I removed a vital component - with difficult child 1's blessing - and hid it. It was interesting to see how he coped - or didn't - with total loss of game time. He actually lasted several weeks but he was so relived when we finally reconnected everything! But because HE set the limits, he felt more in control and it was easier for those limits to be followed. Marg [/QUOTE]
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