New Member very confused!

[Confused]

Hi rlsnights,
On his speech, his brother and father had issues( his father mainly due to being half Korean). The second speech teacher said yes, he can sometimes be hard to understand, but he can and has been able to communicate with her so there is no reason for this to be part of it. His third one(other had to quit due to complication of her pregnancy) said he is ok except for his"L"s and the teachers understand him as well as the kids for the most part. (As long as he talks at regular speed or a tad slower). Actually, I have video taped him, but not right before an explosion,sadly only during or during times when he was fine and never threw a fit. I will get those "nanny cams" that record for 24 hours.The school, Dr's and that Pysc Dr saw his arms and head and just said that he will grow out of it.In the begining the Dr's wanted him on a medication just to get some of his temper (biting,head banging,trashing house to stop or slow down so they can "get through" to him,but as I said changed their mind when he was listening to them! I had video and they refused to see it but the school wants to see it.Ok, my dad did go in to the Dr's and told them the same thing and told him he wants to move out because of my son! They still didnt change their mind! My sister is worried about her pets and her being able to not to handle him for a long period of time, so even a week with her (paid ) she said "no". They said nothing. As far as the Dr, my friend one time had to help me put him in the acr to take him for a different issue( loose stools turned out to be Encropis )and the security gaurd and nurse had to help get"convince him " out of the car! He calms down in front of strangers,may be still crying tho and breathing hard. I just have it pounded in me that its all me.He even hit/spit on me after I corrected him at his doctors office nott o playfully spit on his sister, I just said" please dont spit, its not nice"he came over and boom!IWhen I tried to put him in timeout there, thats when he hit me! Of course the front desk said nothing! In fact another night ,Wed when we got home from the Dr's he was ok for a bit, then all of a sudden just got so mad and tantrum! Thursday,I woke him up(have to tickle him or play a game cuz hes hard to get up) and he was laughing and ok. My dad even told my kids, he will take them to the bakery before school so they have to leave a little erlier to go, get ready! My son, wanted to play and take his time. Well, when he was finallyy ready to go, it was too late to go, so straight to school it was. My son got out of the car and then, threw chairs down,bit himself,screaming,pounded the doors and called my friends to take him to school.She came, he changed his mind,so after a few minutes she just picked him up and put him in the car! Its something how we either make him mad for any reason, or, he can me mad all of a sudden reason unknown or hes fine! And yes, I will get that book and stop "giving" in" all the time!
Confused

 

[Confused]

Hi jmsali09,
Hi , Im glad your finally getting help, that's a long time you had to wait! Thats something how Dr's don't believe us or because the child doesnt behave like that in front of them they shove us off! Sounds like my Dr's here. I never said I was perfect, and I do take some blame here, if not all. Thats like their father's ex girlfriends( mother of his oldest kids) took him to court,as did I. Asked for basiclly the same "modifications" and yet, I was jelous and she was not! I got a new laywer and got granted my requests( better well being for our kids). I guess I have given up on "help" for him, cuz all I hear is its all my fault as well as my dads! Yes, some, but the severe anger issues? Thanks!
Confused

 

[Confused]

Hi MidwestMom,
I can't get the the DR to send my son to a neuropsychologist. They see nothing wrong with him because he behaves there, and he doesn't behave like this at school. In front of my friends, he shows some of it but not all. My friends who helps me calm him down, she has seen more than others, one day he even threw a doll house at her legs but she says, he was not aiming for me he was just throwing it! He talks back to her as well. So, his head banging has calmed down, but even if he is not full rage , he has started to bite himself, so that has increased. He threw his shoes at the huge living room window, and he just does not care if he breaks or hurts anyone,even himself when its out of anger. Now, he landed on his ankle from the bike,scraped some skin off and he was acting all worried about it!
Confused

 

[Confused]

Hi Malika,
I do not believe my son has ADD or ADHD. At this point, I am just saying its all me although my daughter is fine,"regular now 11 year old". I don't know, I guess I just have to wait it out and pray????
Confused

 

[rlsnights]

It is not you.

You need to find a different psychiatrist or psychologist. And a different pediatrician.

You may need to pay privately for a neuropsychologist assessment if at all possible.

If you have health insurance you can request that a formal denial of your request for neuropsychologist assessment be issued so that you can appeal the decision. Until a formal denial is issued you can't really fight it. You can get this by writing a letter to the pediatrician asking for neuropsychologist assessment and stating your reasons for requesting the assessment.

When I said he needed a speech assessment I was not talking about his ability to pronounce words. That is called articulation.

What many people don't understand is that "speech" includes the way we process language not just our ability to say words out loud.

Language processing problems can affect his ability to read, his ability to communicate, his ability to learn and understand what is being said/taught - anything that requires the use of language. Which is pretty much everything.

Language processing problems can range from lacking an "inner voice" to difficulty with abstract concepts to an inability to follow instructions to trouble accurately interpreting what people are telling him.

These problems are assessed by a speech pathologist and it sounds like you need to specifically ask for assessment in that area.

You should be able to get the assessment from your local school district.

If you have a Scottish Rite Childhood Language Center in your area you can get free help from them in assessing and treating any language processing problems.

Patricia

 

[Confused]

Hi rlsnights,
Sadly, I do not have a job, but am looking. I am so embarrassed but am temporarily on government help (medicaid). I am willing to spend any amount of money to help him, both of my kids if I had any! The speech therapists said he understands what they are telling/asking him, and he does understand them. (has been in therapy before the age of three, a year break and since he was four, in speech,). I will talk to her and double check her feeling on him "processing it." His teacher has had no complaints, and he even helps her out! He has gotten angry at school, but tells me he just doesn't blow up there.Some days, after you school, you see his face while walking down the hall, we know hes mad about something, he gets in the car and just lets it loose! I know kids are different but, my daughter was reading by Christmas (basic ) in Pre-K, my son barely reads a few words. I am working with him, and he is going to pass Pre K to Kinder in August. He does know the letters,numbers,etc.We are in a private school and do not have those services but as I said he is seeing a licensed speech therapist (patholigist).(I will look up that information you gave me.) My son says he blows because he gets mad and other times he says (on other rages) he does not know why he blew? He says "just tell him to calm down, no tantrum and he will stop". Nope did not work, he just blew even worse! I try to distract him to do something else, talk to him in simple words ,drawings etc on how he feels, but it does not work.
Confused

 

[rlsnights]

OK. Sorry to hear you are out of work. It can be hard to get the help you need in that situation. It sounds like the speech person may have already checked him for language processing problems.

Will his school test him for reading readiness or problems with phonological or phonemic awareness? Phonemic (pronounced foh - nee - mihk) awareness is the ability to hear all the little sounds that make up words. Phonological awareness is the ability to break up words and sentences into parts, to hear and make rhymes, to be able to think about sounds in words and sentences separate from the words/sentences like being able to make up or recognize nonsense words, and an understanding of the relationship between written and spoken language.

Children who do not have good phonological and/or phonemic awareness usually have a lot of trouble reading, writing and spelling. A child can speak and hear just fine and still have problems with phonemic awareness. Kids who have trouble with their speech may also have bad phonemic awareness.

It's very easy for the school to test him for this. If the private school can't or won't do this you can ask your local public school district to test him. Even though your son is in a private school, the public school is required to test him for disabilities. This is called "Child Find" and is required by the special education laws.

You can even ask the public school district to test him for all kinds of disabilities to see if he could get special education services. If he is able to get those services, you will have to find out which ones you can get if he stays in public school and which ones he can only get if he is in public school. If he is getting speech therapy through Early Intervention then you just need to ask about his transition from Early Intervention to regular school age Special Education. Then as part of that transition, ask for him to be assessed in every area including social and behavioral. You may get the help you need for his behavior problems through the school depending on the results of the testing.

For kids who are struggling to read, phonics based instruction is usually the best approach. If you're trying to help him at home you might check your library and see if they have some beginning reader books for teaching reading that use phonics.

Hope you find a job today!

Patricia

 

[Confused]

Hi rlsnights,
Actually, he was with ECI, before he was 3, then they sent him to our public school to evaluation him, but did not want him because he was not potty trained,and had leg braces(bowed legs) and said they would label him disabled just on the braces! He could still walk, run,play, sit etc with them on( except trikes). He got mad about leaving because of all the toys there, once he got confortable and wanted to label him with a mental problem( any kids would get mad-toys!). So I asked about my daughter, they wanted to label her. I kept him home,worked with him but got regualr service through a private compony for his speech. Anyways, I said all that before here but just re-capping! So, actually yes, he did have problems with that and I will get the full report where he is at the end of this month. His progess report today was behind on Phonics,writing and another item.( its not in front of me). I will check the library for extra phonics items. I have a "Leap Frog Pad"-talks when underline the words repeating the words and can slowly move the pen accross to pronounce. I also use videos, books,and the computer as well. Now to get his violence and deffienace under control! Oh, I have a Bachelors Degree in Multiplindiscinary Studies and was trying for teaching,but, no chance with all the layoffs around the world! So, going to take anything I can and get a degree in some type of medical field( Nursing or Dental Assisting) meanwhile. I want to look now, but I have my sons issues until he starts school in August again( Summer break).
Confused

 

[SRL]

Hi Confused, Sorry I've missed your posts. I'm a moderator here on Early Childhood and am just coming back after an absence for some family matters and internet breakdown.

I'm going to suggest that you take the time to register at this site I've linked below. Ignore the Hyperlexia/early reading part and look for an Autism Screening Checklist. It was created by parents to pick up kids who usually fly under the radar of Autism Screening and parents who've used it have found it to be helpful. It usually takes a day or so for the registration to go through. You'll find the screening tool under FILES and it's labeled MAAMASC.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Hyperlex/

 

[Confused]

Hi SRL,
I hope everything is better for you and your family! I had been debating if I am going to register on that site. I think at this point, I just have came to the conclusion that it is my fault and that he will change over time when we find what works for us, he will slow down/stop it. My grandfather at first said spank him,let him feel it,send him to his room,take away toys etc. (then said give him whatever he wants he is a baby,now says he is a little pain but nothing is wrong with him because some days hes" fine ", others can be for a couple days straight of fits). Dr's said "let him grow and socialize him". As I said in my first posts, he was/is socialized and even more talkative and interacts with adults/kids than my shy daughter! McDonalds,parks,swimming lessons,friends,family,stores,Elmo shows etc.Since August 2010, in all day pre-k and this April, Tball. My friend said "just sit in the doorway when he throws a fit until hes done,make him apologize,grounding etc". Most of his tantrums are still violent but have only been about an hour long .. but still bites himself daily when he gets mad even if theres no tantrum.Also can be 2/3 small tantrums in one day. Because it has never been 24 hours a day or everday (has been some days of good behavior,some other days he's not violent ,he has a nasty mouth and constant" if you dont let me do this ,i will do or not do something". And because he is good at school, we are in a catch 22. I just hope things do get better for him/Us. Reading all your problems here, makes mine seem as if I am complaining over a little thing. I do know a 5 year old biting and hitting his head when he is mad is not normal, thats normal for toddlers. Maybe this is just spoiled syndrome/temper. I guess it will take time to see. Thank you and everyone else here and Im praying for all of you. All this forums advice and just listening to me has made me feel very welcome, relieved, and hopeful. Thank you!
Confused

 

[Malika]

His tantrums are "only an hour long"...?? My goodness. My son has tantrums lasting five to ten minutes and that feels quite long enough.

 

[SRL]

Hi SRL,
I hope everything is better for you and your family! I had been debating if I am going to register on that site. I think at this point, I just have came to the conclusion that it is my fault and that he will change over time when we find what works for us, he will slow down/stop it. My grandfather at first said spank him,let him feel it,send him to his room,take away toys etc. (then said give him whatever he wants he is a baby,now says he is a little pain but nothing is wrong with him because some days hes" fine ", others can be for a couple days straight of fits). Dr's said "let him grow and socialize him". As I said in my first posts, he was/is socialized and even more talkative and interacts with adults/kids than my shy daughter!

Hi Confused. For most of us, finding the right help for our kids is a journey, starting first with considering that something is going on, then looking for help, and then trying some new strategies, then adjusting based on what works/doesn't work. Most of us do some starting and stopping along the way, and backing off for various reasons. And most of ussidetrack and blame our parenting before getting back on the path of finding answers and strategies that work.

What I can tell you is that the length and intensity of the tantrums you're seeing are not normal for a child of his age. Very occasional one hour tantrums for a very upset five year old would be typical, but definitely not weekly rages. I also can tell you that the kinds of suggestions that you're getting to spank and take away toys usually make matters worse for behaviorally challenged young children, instead of helping.

Personally I favor aggressively looking for answers until you find something that seems to help move them forward in managing behaviors. Until you get to that point, you're pretty much stuck with the problem behaviors. Usually that means seeing more than one specialist to evaluate different areas, and sometimes to find one who recognizes what's going on because that doesn't always happen with the first diagnositician you see.

Good luck sorting this out--it's stressful thinking something may be up, and mentally evaluating where to go with it.

 

[Confused]

Hi Malika,
Well, an hour long compared to his 2/3 hours is so much better for me! They are actually even less than an hour now! Yeah!
Confused

 

[Confused]

Hi SRL,
True, but he has calmed down alot.Like I just told Malika, his tantrums are dramaticlly short longest 45 minutes,shortest about 5minutes! That's so good! He is still very demanding/argumentative though. Maybe he does just have a temper?
Confused