New Member

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Cangel101, Jan 20, 2010.

  1. Cangel101

    Cangel101 New Member

    Hi all, I decided to join this group because sometimes I feel at a lost and I feel like some of my family members (who love us with all their heart) just don't understand.

    I have two girls ages 12 & 6 and I am in the process of having my 6 year old tested for ADHD. The Clinician right now says that it is more than likely that she has it. They haven't done the IEP exam yet (if that's what you call it), but they are getting the paperwork done.

    At first I thought my child knows exactly what she is doing and can control what she does cause she at times will laugh when being chastized and that will drive anyone crazy. ADHD does run in my husband's family and it was always in the back of my mind but now I know is the time to get her tested.

    I am finally starting to understand that my child does have a hard time staying focused, cannot sit still, just has a hard time in general. Her teacher doesn't understand because she knows that my daughter is very intelligent and smart, but can be very disruptive at the same time. Trust me she is very intelligent, my girl can read her sister's books like it is no thing. She is good in math, but she can't stay focus.

    It's almost unbelievable when you look at her homework and then hear her teacher say that my daughter just scribbled especially knowing she can do the work. I asked that teacher that instead of calling me every Friday reporting to me what my daughter did if she can do a progress report daily. She just started and that way I can deal with the issue when I get home.

    My question though, am I suppose to punish my daughter for the being loud in class (not disrespectful or anything like that) but just dancing, making noises. She can be sweet, but can be disruptive. I have been putting her on punishment but don't think that it's really working. I have been learning to have patients with her and it's getting better at home without me having to yell like I use to, but I want it to get like that in her classroom.
  2. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Welcome. Help is here.

    Don't punish at home for what happens at school. And frankly, I would avoid punishing for what she can't help.

    They can help it but only to a small extent, and that extent varies according to how busy or stressful their day is. The more they have to deal with, the less these kids can cope.

    What I suggest you do with communication - set up regular emails between you and the teacher. Then take these files and put them into a single text file/diary. Try to keep these communications supportive of the teacher as well as helpful for your child. If you suspect your child could have a bad day coming up (maybe lack of sleep the night before) then let the teacher know. It can help if the teacher knows when to push hard and when to cut some slack.

    The moderately disruptive behaviour you describe - let the teacher handle it. Where possible, try to avoid punishing it when it occurs at home, they generally can't help it especially when they are younger. Instead, try to provide alternative activities to help burn off that energy. I used to dream of a hamster wheel I could chuck the kids into, so they could burn off some of that energy and also feed electricity back to the grid.

    I also dreamed of writing nasty letters to breakfast cereal companies that insisted on making energy cereals for kids. I dreamed of the day when you could buy "Narco-Pops - the authentic energy drain cereal!"

  3. Ratko

    Ratko New Member

    Hi can truly relate to what is happening with your child. Remember this condition is not psychological, its neurological so its not their fault, however it is still frustrating. Now that my daughter is on medications, she is focused much better. Mornings and evening are still hard but at least she is focused at school.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Good for you to hold back on the yelling. It is hard to let that one go when it becomes a habit.

    As others said, no punishing for things she can not help. Try to think of it as a learning situation instead of a punishable one.

    I hope your daughter has a very kind patient teacher. One who can calmly redirect her back to the subject at hand and kindly remind her to use her "inside" voice.

    The daily report will be good. When my difficult child was having behavioral issues at school, his teacher came up with a short list of things that he needed to be aware of (he was 11 years old so this may not be age appropriate for your daughter). Things like, Respecting others, Doing his best, ect. At the end of the day, she would go over the list with him and ask him how he would grade himself. Together, they would have the report for me. I always praised him for his successful days and encouraged him to try again on his less than successful days. I would never get angry with him. We focused on the positive and encouraged for the next time.

    Maybe on the report, you can have one or two items that your daughter can focus on such as using a softer voice inside. If she has a day of struggle, no punishing, just, "I see today you had a little difficulty. Should we practice our voices at home tonight?" Make a game of it. Practice voices so soft you can hardly hear to voices that are just a tad too loud for indoors. If you practice outdoor voices, go outdoors. Have her stand at the door and you go into the yard a short distance but far enough for her to raise her voice to tell you something. Give her situations where she can "hear" how different levels of voices are used. Pretend you are in a library and you have to whisper for awhile. Take note at how far apart you are while you talk in the car. Tell her you are not loud in the car because it would be hard for her to understand what you are saying. But if you find just the right volume, sounds are easier to hear.

    Can you get her into a dance class? So that she knows that there is a time and place for dancing. It is not wrong to dance, just have to do it at the right time.
  5. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Welcome! I don't punish my daughter for what happens in school. My daughter isn't disruptive, but her grades are lacking. I want her to show me her tests and not to hide anything from me, so I figure, if I start punishing her for what's happening at school, it's only going to add to her frustration and anxiety. Her anxiety will build all day and when she walks in the door, she'll fall apart.

    If you are working with the school, you may want to get a 504 plan, so they will give her a little extra time to get her work done and that she is in a class where there are teacher's assistants (we call them paraprofessionals in NJ) that can give her frequent reminders to stay focused on her work. I'm not an expert, as I'm in the process of all this, right now, but I believe you can get the 504 plan into effect while you are waiting for all the testing to be done. Others, here, will probably be able to inform you better on all that.
    Good luck.
  6. Cangel101

    Cangel101 New Member

    Thanks you guys for your response.

    She loves her dance class, she goes every Monday. The dance instructor says that she is on the A-list cause she is so well behaved. I don't really hear of any problems at her after school program cause again she gets to run freely.

    I am learning to have patience and I hope the teacher will also.