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New mom here with serious issues with ADHD 10 y/o son
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<blockquote data-quote="ivehadit1975" data-source="post: 611115" data-attributes="member: 17126"><p>he was 3 when i met husband. as far as when husband started disciplinary actions, they started about 6-8 months after difficult child met him. we moved in together with in months. MY son has always had a man around him, my dad lived with us before i moved back to my home town after ex asked for divorce. </p><p>I have full custody of difficult child. As far as husband disciplining difficult child, Ex is full aware and encourages the help. he has spanked my child maybe three times, and thats only been as of late and as a last straw thing. </p><p>(i was spanked as most of the children my age growing up were, and we all turned out just fine (this no spanking **** disturbs me. to much red tape if you ask me when it comes to a parent being able to discipline their children anymore) that being said, there is nothing wrong with spanking here and there (months and years in between in my case), now beating a childs tail on a daily basis and taking it to other extremes, thats just udderly ridiculous and would never be stood for in my home nor my ex's) other than the few spankings he has had, most of the actions are physical exercise, as in sit ups, push ups, lunges, running, sitting on the wall (which means back on the wall, knees bent like youre sitting in a chair, but your not) and also taking things away, grounding, the usual punishments. those punishments were always determined by age as to how long he would stay there, run, how many he would do, etc etc. never worked, but we kept trying. By NO means has my child ever been in any danger nor has my ex ever been in the dark on what punishments are being administered. He does/did the same things. So...that leaves us where we are now, NOTHINGS WORKING and thats why im here. trying to get passed the punishing stages into more of the psychological/neurological causes that could be happening and working towards a more peaceful wake up each day for everyone, especially my son!</p><p></p><p>As far as my husband not being able to see his daughter is much like why i'm not able to see my daughter (which i stated in prior post that might be worth starting a new thread over), my daughters dad and my husband daughters mother BOTH have illegally kept our girls from us per our standard order of visitation agreements. But because they both come from money, live upstate NY and the other in north carolina, they have the upper hand financially on us. Our daughters are both of age to contact us and want to come live with us. however, until husband daughter graduates from school (which she has been going to since she started kindergarten and wants to finish school there) she will be coming to live with us. They speak on the phone. However, my daughter whom is 18, has been literally brain washed and kept in the shadows of her fathers family. the last time i saw her in 07, she flat out told me that she wants to come live with me and misses me, but her father wouldnt even allow me to speak on the phone with her nor did she even know that i called every single day for 5 years straight, I had printed out phone records of it and showed her. he wouldnt give her the gifts and letters, cards, nothing. Why you might ask, well lets just say that because of how controlling he is with her, he was with me and I left him high and dry when i was 19. He's never got over that and has stated that he will always hold my daughter over my head as long as he possibly can. All because he was abusive to me and i wasnt going to put up with it anymore and i left. so, without going into anymore of the story of my daughter or either of our daughters, because that is not why i wrote this post, lets get back to why i'm here.</p><p></p><p>As far as how my husband and difficult child are together, there is a lot of love there, my sons always loved dave and accepted him and i've asked him personally recently if he just didnt like husband or he felt hurt that his dad and I were not together anymore. He said no, He doesnt like how strict husband can be sometimes, but he understands why he is that way, because I cant be. His father is just as strict when he needs to be. For us being divorced, he said that before our talk last year, yes he hated the fact we were no longer together and he tried several times to try and get his father and i back together. Which was just not going to happen. He struggles with his fathers wife as well. No respect for her, treats her much like he treats me. she's at wits end too. We all are!! </p><p>Full attachment disorder, no, he doesnt have that. however if he has any type of attachment disorder, reactive attachment disorder seems to fit him in some cases. but not all. But i'm not a psychologist (although I received my associates in psychology). so i shant dare diagnose by any means. </p><p>I will be speaking with his father about checking his insurance and seeing if it covers seeing a neuropsychologist, hopefully it does and we can get started on having other things tested for diagnosis, if any. (which i am pretty certain there are)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ivehadit1975, post: 611115, member: 17126"] he was 3 when i met husband. as far as when husband started disciplinary actions, they started about 6-8 months after difficult child met him. we moved in together with in months. MY son has always had a man around him, my dad lived with us before i moved back to my home town after ex asked for divorce. I have full custody of difficult child. As far as husband disciplining difficult child, Ex is full aware and encourages the help. he has spanked my child maybe three times, and thats only been as of late and as a last straw thing. (i was spanked as most of the children my age growing up were, and we all turned out just fine (this no spanking **** disturbs me. to much red tape if you ask me when it comes to a parent being able to discipline their children anymore) that being said, there is nothing wrong with spanking here and there (months and years in between in my case), now beating a childs tail on a daily basis and taking it to other extremes, thats just udderly ridiculous and would never be stood for in my home nor my ex's) other than the few spankings he has had, most of the actions are physical exercise, as in sit ups, push ups, lunges, running, sitting on the wall (which means back on the wall, knees bent like youre sitting in a chair, but your not) and also taking things away, grounding, the usual punishments. those punishments were always determined by age as to how long he would stay there, run, how many he would do, etc etc. never worked, but we kept trying. By NO means has my child ever been in any danger nor has my ex ever been in the dark on what punishments are being administered. He does/did the same things. So...that leaves us where we are now, NOTHINGS WORKING and thats why im here. trying to get passed the punishing stages into more of the psychological/neurological causes that could be happening and working towards a more peaceful wake up each day for everyone, especially my son! As far as my husband not being able to see his daughter is much like why i'm not able to see my daughter (which i stated in prior post that might be worth starting a new thread over), my daughters dad and my husband daughters mother BOTH have illegally kept our girls from us per our standard order of visitation agreements. But because they both come from money, live upstate NY and the other in north carolina, they have the upper hand financially on us. Our daughters are both of age to contact us and want to come live with us. however, until husband daughter graduates from school (which she has been going to since she started kindergarten and wants to finish school there) she will be coming to live with us. They speak on the phone. However, my daughter whom is 18, has been literally brain washed and kept in the shadows of her fathers family. the last time i saw her in 07, she flat out told me that she wants to come live with me and misses me, but her father wouldnt even allow me to speak on the phone with her nor did she even know that i called every single day for 5 years straight, I had printed out phone records of it and showed her. he wouldnt give her the gifts and letters, cards, nothing. Why you might ask, well lets just say that because of how controlling he is with her, he was with me and I left him high and dry when i was 19. He's never got over that and has stated that he will always hold my daughter over my head as long as he possibly can. All because he was abusive to me and i wasnt going to put up with it anymore and i left. so, without going into anymore of the story of my daughter or either of our daughters, because that is not why i wrote this post, lets get back to why i'm here. As far as how my husband and difficult child are together, there is a lot of love there, my sons always loved dave and accepted him and i've asked him personally recently if he just didnt like husband or he felt hurt that his dad and I were not together anymore. He said no, He doesnt like how strict husband can be sometimes, but he understands why he is that way, because I cant be. His father is just as strict when he needs to be. For us being divorced, he said that before our talk last year, yes he hated the fact we were no longer together and he tried several times to try and get his father and i back together. Which was just not going to happen. He struggles with his fathers wife as well. No respect for her, treats her much like he treats me. she's at wits end too. We all are!! Full attachment disorder, no, he doesnt have that. however if he has any type of attachment disorder, reactive attachment disorder seems to fit him in some cases. but not all. But i'm not a psychologist (although I received my associates in psychology). so i shant dare diagnose by any means. I will be speaking with his father about checking his insurance and seeing if it covers seeing a neuropsychologist, hopefully it does and we can get started on having other things tested for diagnosis, if any. (which i am pretty certain there are) [/QUOTE]
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