Well, I'm one of those that would suggest you think long and hard before adopting these two. You're talking about two kids who have been severely damaged. The statistics are truly against you -- failed or disrupted adoptions are common when adopting an older child. When you add in abuse, the failure is even higher.
I'm one of the lucky ones. My daughter was severely abused -- physically, emotionally and sexually. She was also severely neglected. At the time she came into my home and my heart, I was told she was neglected. Nothing else was forthcoming. It took years before I actually pieced everything known to date together. During those years, I was beaten and stabbed by her. Theft from me, my neighbors, friends, classmates, teachers was a daily occurrence. If she opened her mouth, it was a lie. Four hour temper tantrums were not unusual. Night terrors occurred at least 3 times a night for 3 years straight. This was between ages 3 to 9.
Ages 9 to 12 were even worse except temper tantrums were down to less than 30 minutes and the night terrors stopped. However, theft now included shoplifting. While the rages had basically stopped, the tantrums remained -- more frequent but not as long. We won't even bother discussing the damages to my home and property. Ages 13-14 added truancy to the mix. At age 15, I was truly ready to give up. I got lucky and found a residential treatment facility that helped a little. The cost of the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) was $85,000 for 16 months. I paid for this. The county and state refused to help. The school district was even less cooperative.
I got curious once and figured out that my beautiful, wonderful daughter had cost me well over $2M from ages 3 to 18. This was not counting basic expenses such as food, clothing, toys, etc. The emotional toll was much, much higher. My friends and family basically refused to have anything to do with her and, thus, me. I was forced to leave a career I loved and develop a new one that was half the salary and half the satisfaction. I still have some PTSD (if she raises her hand, I flinch and she hasn't been physical in well over 10 years).
She is now 20 and doing much, much better but only because she knows I can now legally remove her from the house.
So, if you're determined to go through with this, get all the help you can from the adoption agency. Make sure they include present and future services as needed. Include therapy, evaluations every 3 years, respite for the two of you, tutors as needed, special therapies such as art or equine, and anything and everything you can possible think of.
I will never regret adopting my daughter. I love her with all of my being. At the same time, had I known then what I know now, I would never have adopted her (or any child that had been severely abused or neglected and most definitely not one over the age of 5).
So, be careful. This is not an easy road you are choosing and, quite honestly, the rewards are few.
by the way -- I found the Keck books on Adopting the Hurt Child, etc. to be extremely valuable. If you haven't read them, I'd recommend you do so. Ditto The Explosive Child.
I wish you the best.
