Hi--I've been reading for about a month and have been needing to post for sometime, but finally here I am after midnight trying to find someone to relate. I know that ya'll can. My son,"A", is 6 y.o. and just got "indefinitely suspended" from his private school, kindergarten. He has been having what I considered minor issues (at least that is what was reported to me) since school started. Things tapered off in October and were stable meaning no incidents were reported to me. After Christmas break, things escalated--several notes home and two suspensions (one formal and one informal) later, I called the school to set up another conference (this would be the third this year) to hopefully take a proactive stance and brainstorm some ways to assist him through the last two and a half months of the school year. My husband and I got to the meeting (with A's teacher, the preschool principal, and the elementary principal) and instead of having a meeting of how to help A, we were blindsided with the news that they do not have the resources to handle him and his psychological problems and that he doesn't fit into their school. The best that we could work out through our shock was that as of Friday he would be indefinitely suspended pending new psychological diagnosis, medication, therapy, etc.--the works. And not to contact them again until all has been completed and then if they could work with him and his "issues" they might considered starting him in first grade. At this point we are not really considering this, as he has been branded by this school. At this point, I guess, I need to give a little background. "A" is currently in foster care. I have had him for a little over 4 years and we are in the process of adopting him. A little medical background--born 29 wks, without prenatal care, and with his biological mother admitting to speed and marijuana use (who knows what else) during pregnancy. Has no memory of bio mother, bio father came back into his life for about a year from age 4-5, then disappeared. Has been in counseling since Nov. 06, minimal testing done before starting this (I have a learned a lot from this forum since Jan.). I have since requested further testing from counseling group, and pediatrician; have contacted local public school district for resources, and am looking for closest neuropsychologist. "A" was slow to talk--but once speech therapy started at 2.5 he picked up well and now talks nonstop. Very active (everyone immediately jumps to ADHD), definitely all boy, difficulty handling all emotions (esp. frustration, anger, and sadness), moody, and recently very argumentative and openly defiant. But on the flip side--extremely loving, sincere in his apologies (once he has calmed down), very smart and a heavy thinker (you can almost see the gears moving in his head), and very protective and not once aggresive against his 15 month old sister. I should probably mention that he had strept throat over New Year's. Before Christmas break, he didn't seem as argumentative but was still whining alot and "throwing fits". Hasn't been aggressive at home in a couple of years--but school says has had two episodes of violence, hence the suspensions. I have yet to get a complete story from the adults involved. First episode resulted in him kicking the trashcan in the office and then pulling out a book that was in the trash and ripping it up. Second, was he tipped over 20 or so kindergarten size chairs in the classroom (the other kids were already on the playground; he had been held back because he was losing it and was being disciplined). How does stuff like that happen if the child is being supervised? But supposedly he has instilled fear in the other kids in the classroom due to this behavior. Since in our home, he has seen several major changes--Hubby and I got married, we had a new baby, and now expecting another. Psychologist thinks that everything stems from adjustment disorder and anxiety. He doesn't recommend medications though. And because of the pressure from school, I've asked him several times over the school year. I'm on the fence about medications. I'm a nurse and I definitely feel that there is a place for medications if necessary, but I also don't feel like the hit or miss strategy that many practictioners take with medications is appropriate. Based on the evaluations that the teacher and I just filled out for the pediatrician, I know that they will recommend medicating for ADHD. But I don't want to jump the gun--because I know if it truly is another issue (I'm leaning toward ODD or anxiety or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or a combination of all) that those medications might not be appropriate. I have started eliminating red and yellow dyes from his diet, watching what he eats, and I read The Explosive Child and am working on Your Defiant Child. I sorta feel o.k. about this "indefinite suspension", even though I don't like the way they went about doing it. But if legal, it won't go down as expulsion from kindergarten on his record. He is still listed on role at school so I don't have to worry about finding him a new school and exposing him to all those issues of fitting in for 2.5 months. His teacher assured us that he had excelled in his learning so therefore they would not fail him for kindergarten. And I don't have to continue exposing him to an environment that was keeping him in a constant state of upheaval. I should note though that I thought that we were on the uphill of this current episode, since he had had a good last 5 days. But as you well know, you don't know when the next episode will occur. But is all this legal? Shouldn't they be required to at least attempt something formal to help? Or is it just discrimination of a foster child "who will always be a problem"? I don't know anything about all that. I'm just feeling in the dark. Sorry so long. Thanks for the vent. Anything that anyone can think of would be appreciated.