new psychiatrist disaster...help!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Baffled, Apr 24, 2008.

  1. Baffled

    Baffled New Member

    OMG! Just got back from new psychiatrist. Drove 2 1/2 hours to get there. We changed because I felt we were at a point where we needed to change. difficult child couldn't stand the one we've had for the last 4 years anymore. He said she was stuck up and she was always fussing at him. I also felt like a scolded child going to her office. We've had a rough year at times and a good year at times. The bad incidents started in December when he decided to be vengeful with my aunt and uncle. He through an egg at their house and banged on their front door at night which ended with broken glass. As soon as I found out I brought him over there to face the music and punished him for the whole Christmas holidays. We went back to psychiatrist, she increased the Lamictal and started him on Risperdal and sent us to a new and wonderful counsellor. Things got better, but a few minor stunts did occur. Me and husband have gotten better with consequences. We do follow with Dr. Green's baskets (The Explosive Child) and we're in a place where we can give consequences and get good results even though they may not be as severe as with other kids--they tend to work well. But what happened was our new counsellor got it out of difficult child that he had experimented with drugs (pot, Lortab once, and drank some lemon drink at school with Xanax in it-supposedly without his knowledge--???). Well the counsellor had sworn to difficult child that he'd never tell, but when he couldn't get difficult child to admit to husband and I, he told which ended up with difficult child in car crying and vowing NEVER to go back and trust. I really hate this because he is a great and caring man. Anyway, we were horrified to find out about this experimentation and have drug tested him twice now-both neg. psychiatrist called upon hearing about all this and wanted to know if I had a boarding school lined up for next year and why I hadn't. I told her I still felt like I could parent my child myself and until I felt otherwise I would continue to do so. Well, she set up this appointment with her and counsellor which difficult child was becoming unglued about and I could have never got him in the car to go to and I really did not want to go either. So I felt like a change needed to take place. Don't misunderstand. I don't want anyone to kiss up to me or difficult child. But what about Dr. Green's method of the baskets? My psychiatrist wants me to rule with an iron fist, but gives me a book to read on the nurtured heart approach??? Well, we trekked out today to new psychiatrist. He was confrontational with difficult child from the get go and in such a sarcastic way. He would call my ex psychiatrist by her first name when he would refer to her like they were pals and had been communicating with her. I thought difficult child would storm out. He didn't. Then I thought he was going to go into a full meltdown right there. He didn't. Thank God!! But of course he says he will never ever go again. I expect them to have no tolerance for behaviors like disrespect for teachers--but do you give disrespect and sarcasm when you're telling difficult children this. I cried silently to myself on the way home and truly do not know what to do now???!!!!:sad-very:
     
  2. Baffled, I'm sorry you had such a bad visit! I am sending you loads of hugs! I don't have any solutions for you though, for us, there are only 2 pediatric psychiatrists to choose from, only one of which is on our insurance. My difficult child's regular psychiatrist is not covered by our insurance. The one who is, no one has ever heard of. The only other doctors are only associated with the state hospital and don't have private practices (that I'm aware of anyway).

    I completely understand why you and your difficult child would be so upset! And as far as that counseler that blabbed in front of difficult child about his drug experimenting, he should know better!

    Hopefully someone else will come along with some solutions for you.

    Christy
     
  3. nvts

    nvts Active Member

    Whew! You had a helluva day didn't you! Don't cry! These clowns sound like exactly that: clowns.

    psychiatrists are hard to come by. The best way to find one is to keep trying until you find the right one. Driving 2.5 hours? OMG! I'd be losing it over that to begin with!

    If Ross Greene is working for you don't stop just because some other "professional" has their opinion. You know what's working for you. That all!

    There's a website started by Ross Greene called "Thinkkids.com" or .org. I can't remember (the kids have been off all week...can you tell??!!!).

    In the meantime, know that we're here cheering you on! We've almost ALL have been in the same boat you're paddling, so relax. Tomorrow will be another day!

    Beth
     
  4. Baffled

    Baffled New Member

    Thanks you guys. You don't know how much I needed to hear that. Sometimes you just need to know that your way of thinking about what happens with difficult children isn't off the wall. And I will check out the website. Thanks for the info!
     
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Baffled, Keep looking. I can feel your frustration. When my easy child (probably was an undiagnosed difficult child) was about 10 yrs old, we saw a psychiatrist who pretty much told us that we should let her make any decision she wanted, let her set the family schedule, that he didn't work with kids, and after our "free" sessions with their facility if we needed further help, he would transfer us to another psychiatrist. Fortunately, my day care provider had a long experience with kids with a variety of behaviors and recommended leaving that facility to another one.

    Your son really needs to find someone he looks forward to visiting with. I am appalled that the psychiatrist gave away a secret. If difficult child wasn't ready to bring it to your attention, psychiatrist should have worked with him to someday talk to you about it but only when difficult child was ready. The psychiatrist is to be the patient's advocate to help advise. I don't blame your difficult child to not want to go back.

    If there are other psychiatrists in the facilities you have used, you can request a new one. Ask your insurance company for a list of covered psychiatrists. You definately are committed to this to be willing to travel so far and if you find the right psychiatrist, the travel will be worth it.

    I am proud of your son. It sounds like he handled the last visit well for his ability - no storming out, no meltdowns. I hope that your love for him will shine through to his heart leading him to keep trying with you. With each wrong psychiatrist, he will get more discouraged and stop trying.

    Let him know that there are good psychiatrists out there and for whatever reason the search is going to be longer than you thought. You also need to find the psychiatrist that respects you as a parent and accepts your insights and input. Even though psychiatrist's are "professionals", your heart knows the most about your difficult child.
     
  6. Loving Abbey 2

    Loving Abbey 2 Not really a Newbie

    While most psychiatrists will charge you for a visit, it might be wise to meet with psychiatrist before bringing difficult child to get a feel of the doctor. At the very least a in depth phone conversation. Think of it like a job interview--you're the boss and they want the job. Make sure you ask about the things that are important to you and difficult child, such as how would you approach an experimenting adolescent? I've been using Dr. Greene's book, what is your opinion on his approach?

    This way you may have a better shot at a decent psychiatrist.

    Remember, the doctor who graduates last in his class still becomes a doctor.
     
  7. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree to keep looking. When I was looking, because I work in a school, I asked our school nurse who had great recommendations. We didn't end up going with him because I also got an excellent recommendation from a friend who's son was seeing a psychiatrist.

    I'm glad that the Explosive Child is helping. I'm sorry the psychiatrist was such a disappointment. Hugs.
     
  8. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    One thing you need to remember is you know your son best. If something is working, you keep doing it until it quits working. If the psychiatrist says to do something differently and your gut says that's not the way to go, you speak up and say no. If psychiatrist then insists, it's time to find a new psychiatrist. In other words, you are doing exactly what you should do.

    As to the new one ... gggrrrrrrrrr. Sounds like he talked to your son's former psychiatrist and came in with a biased opinion. I agree that it would probably be worthwhile to talk to the new psychiatrist before having a session with him. It really can help. Another thing that is helpful is a parent report -- one that says what past issues were and what present issues are; interventions have worked, which ones haven't; a history from birth to present; school behavior, etc. Once you find a psychiatrist you like, send the parent report before meeting up. I've found that to be incredibly helpful in guiding my daughter's therapist and saving a lot of effort when suggestions are made -- it is so much easier when things are in black and what as to what has been tried.

    In the meantime, give your son a hug for maintaining so well. Pat yourself on the back for not lunging at the sarcastic dolt who claims to be a psychiatrist. Share some ice cream or a treat between the two of you -- you've earned it!
     
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    In a perfect world none of us would put up with sub-par treatment. Sometimes we have to until we can find better. If you are in a position where you don't need this psychiatrist, lose him! If you can get another one ASAP do it.
    psychiatristS are people to, they have bad days, but that does not give them any excuse to treat our children less than human and with dignity.
    They are supposed to "help" us... work with us.
    We have had to travel, now we are moving. All for trying to "find" decent help.
    I know how HARD it is... hang in there do not give up. even when you are being told you are wrong, blah blah blah, all of that garbage. Stick up for your family. Be the advocate!
    HUGS
     
  10. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Baffled, so sorry you and difficult child had such a rough time. Lots of hugs to you.
     
  11. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Baffled, sorry you and your difficult child had such a rotten time of it.
    Meowbunny is right. YOU know your child best and if something you're doing is working well, then you should continue with it whether the experts agree to it or not.

    I agree with the others that you should try to keep looking until you find a psychiatrist that's a good fit for you and your son. Sometimes it takes several tries, but when you find the right one, it's magic.

    (after many years of the wrong ones, we have finally found one for our difficult child that is a gem. It was a long hard road, but the search was worth it)

    {{{{{Hugs}}}}}
    Trinity
     
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