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General Parenting
new strategies for challenging 5 year old?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 554484" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hello and welcome to the forum. I too have a challenging 5 year old... who is also, like yours, intermittently oppositional, defiant and other undesirable things and intermittently helpful, eager to please and very sweet. </p><p>One thing I have seen is that he really has little or no volitional control over his outbursts and unpleasant behaviour such as screaming and shouting when I say no to something or when he wants something he cannot have immediately. Probably if we could somehow have an inside view of what is happening inside the brain at that moment and a real understanding of what is causing this behaviour, we would be less clueless and more compassionate in the moment. Well, I speak for myself anyway... </p><p>Staying calm is very good, as you have discovered. Acting with unconditional positive regard is also very good. And very difficult. Your son is probably just like mine - he loves praise and encouragement and can be motivated to do things by positive rather than negative means. Rewards work very well, all the time, particularly immediate ones of course. Humour works very well with my son - he can always be relied on to agree to be tickled out of a tantrum, for example (or squashed, or made funny faces at). I'm thinking five year old here <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> </p><p>There's an underlying anxiety there, doubtless in your son too. Routine, stability, repetition are helpful. </p><p>Please don't panic. Your son's new school sounds fantastic and is bound to help, after the initial transition difficulty. Good luck and I hope others will post more advice and insights.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 554484, member: 11227"] Hello and welcome to the forum. I too have a challenging 5 year old... who is also, like yours, intermittently oppositional, defiant and other undesirable things and intermittently helpful, eager to please and very sweet. One thing I have seen is that he really has little or no volitional control over his outbursts and unpleasant behaviour such as screaming and shouting when I say no to something or when he wants something he cannot have immediately. Probably if we could somehow have an inside view of what is happening inside the brain at that moment and a real understanding of what is causing this behaviour, we would be less clueless and more compassionate in the moment. Well, I speak for myself anyway... Staying calm is very good, as you have discovered. Acting with unconditional positive regard is also very good. And very difficult. Your son is probably just like mine - he loves praise and encouragement and can be motivated to do things by positive rather than negative means. Rewards work very well, all the time, particularly immediate ones of course. Humour works very well with my son - he can always be relied on to agree to be tickled out of a tantrum, for example (or squashed, or made funny faces at). I'm thinking five year old here :) There's an underlying anxiety there, doubtless in your son too. Routine, stability, repetition are helpful. Please don't panic. Your son's new school sounds fantastic and is bound to help, after the initial transition difficulty. Good luck and I hope others will post more advice and insights. [/QUOTE]
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