New to all this

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by 2junebugs, Jan 28, 2008.

  1. 2junebugs

    2junebugs Jaimie

    I am so glad I found this place. I am new here and to this whole situation. My 5 ds was just diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and phonological disorder. I have had him in thearpy since he was 3 1/2 because we were having problems with him at home and at preschool. The first 1 1/2 of thearpy was a waste of time. The thearpist was not very informative and never talked to me about what she was doing with him in her office for an hour once a week! I finally pulled him out of there and took him somewhere else and I love the man he is seeing now. We have only been seeing him since Sept. And already have some answers. My son is very emotional and easily frustrated. It is like we have to tip toe around him so that we do not make him mad. If he gets mad or upset about something that is not going his way he lashes out into a fit. Crying and stomping yelling "I hate my family" I don't want a daddy or mommy or sister or whoever has made him made at the moment. He also hates himself. Is this normal of this age? He looks in the mirror and says he hates himself and he is ugly because he has freckles. He says he has no friends at school and everyone says he is mean and he can't help it. He even says he just wants to die sometimes or says he just wants us to live and not him. It hurts me so bad to hear my little boy talk like that. Although they diagnosed him with ODD I am not sure I believe he has that. Of course I am new to all this. He is not really diefant. He just does not listen when told to to something. We have to tell him over and over and over until we get ill with him and end up yelling which makes him freeze up and start crying and throwing a fit like some one is killing him. He is hardly ever happy he always seems to be upset about something and his favorite word is HATE. But yet when he is in a good mood he is so lovey and almost anoyingly kissy. LOL I could go on and on. I am just wondering if anyone who has a child with ODD, ADHD can relate or have similar problems that I can relate to. Or if you can shed some light on the ODD thing.
  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome! We know it's a tough job parenting a difficult little one so you're in good company here.

    Getting a copy of the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene would be a good starting place for you. There's a thread at the top of this board that gives help in adapting it for younger children.

    Specifically what kind of specialist diagnosed your child?
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI and welcome.
    I've had five kids past three and a gentle "no" it' s not the norm for any age child. I would have him assessed by the school district for possible problems that can be helped by early interventions. Any psychiatric or neurological or substance abuse on the family tree? Any quirky behaviors? ODD is not normally a diagnosis that stands by itself. I think an evaluation by more than a therapist is needed here. I favor NeuroPsychs.
  4. Jemmac

    Jemmac New Member

    Hi, im new to this also but i have a 10yr old with adhd+odd and has been seen by child and youth mental health who have put him on anti-depressants,concerta,risperdone and clonodine at night.As he was my first i thought he was normal and just very active but he was put on probation at pre-school and started grade 1 badly so they had him assessed through the school and then through the public hospital paediatric department and has taken 5yrs to finally get him settled enough to do school i know wot you are going through and it is very frustrating getting the medication right and we did a course called stress busters which enabled him to identify when he was getting angry and to do deep breathing to calm himself down.we found that very helpfull.
  5. Jemmac

    Jemmac New Member

    Hi, my 10yr old has adhd+odd so i know where u r coming boy is violent and screams at me with abuse when asked to do something and gets frustrated easily with things.he always blames others for his mistakes and can't handle being teased but can give it out.yelling at him don't work so don't argue with him/her as this is only gunna make it worse.i have found that if you ignore the things he does he will get bored with doing it and stop.also try cutting him off when he tries to have an arguement with you about something which he is always right by the let him know that wot you say goes and no argueing cut him off by saying things like no,nah,don't want to hear it. you will find he will get annoyed and learn to stop.but remember you have to be tough and persistant and don't back down at all or else he wins.give those a try and see how they go.
  6. JulienSam

    JulienSam New Member

    I too have an almost 5 yr old who sounds very similar to your ds -- very emotional. We like to describe him as having all the normal emotions of a kid his age, but just to the EXTREME. We've had him diagnosis by a social worker, but are in the process of getting him evaluated through our local children's hospital. I agree with the recommendations of "The Explosive Child" -- in addition to the book, there's also a DVD -- I borrowed one from our library.

    No other advice really, other than to let you know that you're not alone -- there are lots of us out here.


  7. 2junebugs

    2junebugs Jaimie

    He is seeing a family/child thearpist at a local office that his pediatrician recomended. I do have lots of psychiatric issues on my side of the family like ADHD, Anixety and Bipolar. No substance abuse except my father who is not in th picture. I am going to check out that book The Explosive Child since I have heard so much about it here. We were at the book store this weekend looking at differant ones but was not sure which one would be the best to start with. My son also did an IQ test. I guess they do that while testing for ADHD and all that. He scored in the above average area and his teacher has commented several times that he is a very smart kid. But yet she has problems with his behavior at school. Mostly talking, disrupting and playing around all day. No fighting or talking back like he does at home. The low self estem is what worries me the most. It hurts me so much because it is like other kids can sense he is differant and do not want to play with him. Then he gets mad and frustrated and ends up say ugly things to them and about himself.
    Thanks for all the info. I am so glad I found this site to hear about other people with the same problems!
  8. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Can you check on the credentials of the therapist? There are several speciality areas which might call themselves therapists and not all are on equal footing as diagnosticians.

    Is he very sensitive to loud noises or lights, clothing textures, very picky about foods, etc?

    How does do with other kids?

    Do you see any lining up of toys or other objects, either in straight lines or formations?
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In addition to The Explosive Child, you might look into Love & Logic. They have a great website ( withall sorts of stuff - I find that even the stuff aimed at teachers can be very helpful) and one book specifically for Early Childhood. I think the title is L&L Magic for Early childhood, but could be off a bit.

    Also, it would be worth reading, or at least skimming, The Bipolar Child by Dmitri Papalous. I wish we had ruled OUT bipolar before handling anything else, because it is so very hard on both you and your child to do a complete medications wash (come off all medications and be off a while) to then see if mood stabilizers will be what is needed.

    I really WISH I had known this BEFORE we started medications with my son. So I will pass the info on to you. Many things I have read about pediatric psychiatry say to rule bipolar OUT before you treat anything else. Most docs don't want to do this, because bipolar is such a tough illness to treat.

    Bipolar is best to rule OUT first because many many medications make it worse. The yelling and rage and hate, then the lovey dovey stuff make me wonder if he is cycling from mania to depression and back. Kids just show this stuff differently than adults do. And sometimes people iwth bipolar get "stuck" in a mixed state of both mania AND depression.

    I hope you can get the help you all need. Many here are very experienced, and I would say a very large % of us started off with ODD &/or ADHD diagnosis, only to find later that it was soemthing totally different.


  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Just one thing to add, please don't EVER let your child be treated by a professional who excludes you. You really don't have ANY idea of what is going on. Any therapist, etc should work WITH you, not exclude you. This does NOT mean you should sit in on every therapy session, but you should have some idea what they are doing. And the therapist should let you know what is going on, and what they are trying to do.



    ps. Here is a format that is helpful in keeping all the info/reports/goals for your child straight. You can give copies of it to various docs, school (be careful with how much and what kind of info you give school), and whoever else needs it. Parent Report is in the General Archives, at the very bottom of the very Last page. It was the 1st thing put into the archives, so it is at the end. Here it is:
  11. Lulu

    Lulu New Member

    Good luck getting everything sorted through with therapy. I know it is hard seeing your child unhappy. Make sure you get some time for yourself, as a demanding child takes a lot out of you. The Explosive Child has helped us a lot.