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New to forum - 2 addicted adult kids
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<blockquote data-quote="2 times the heartache" data-source="post: 712273" data-attributes="member: 21750"><p>Thanks so much [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] for the time you spent to send me these wise words. Of course the weekend was rough being Mother's Day. My son called early to wish me a HMD and say he had a card for me. I couldn't meet him as my husband made plans for us and I had my grand daughter. over. The first thing my husband said was "where did he get money for a card, he probably stole it". I don't think about that, I was thinking that it was nice. This morning, I heard from my daughter with HMD. She called from a hospital so I answered. I had caller ID but asked where she was and she said the hospital. I asked what happened and she said nothing. She said she was exhausted and had walked the entire day yesterday so went there and up to the 6th floor waiting area and stayed all night. She said she couldn't sleep much but nobody asked her who she was there for or put her out and it was more comfortable than concrete. She said that the phone I have paid for since she was in college fell into a culvert and got wet and didn't work. I asked about her "welfare phone" and she said it was lost. I knew she had loaned it to her brother when staying here for a few days and then took it back and gave it to the young guy she hangs with and does drugs with. I told her she needed to see about getting it replaced. She wanted to come get her illegal car and I told her no as I paid to get it out of impound and was not about to have it towed again. You know how the story went and eventually, she hung up on me. </p><p>You know the funny thing.....my son is better but that is the FIRST time in several years that she has called to wish me HMD. In all her adult life, I got a gift maybe 3 times and that's when we were helping her financially and she had two incomes. That's what bothers my husband the most and I FINALLY understand....it hurts but I understand. He always said that she could make a card or call at minimum. I also realized that even at his lowest, he always managed to at least call to say Happy Birthday or Happy Mother's Day and he generally tells me how appreciative he is of anything I do. We'll see how that goes now that I have drastically cut down on doing and giving and plan to further reduce any response at all. </p><p></p><p>Thanks also for reinforcing what I know in my heart but forget when I am pining for them. I actually do feel a little better EVERY DAY and this site has helped me tremendously to do that. Just as you do, I have made a promise to myself to pay it forward and to continue to be here and share for others who may need the support I have found here. Earlier today as I prayed, I did just as you mentioned....I gave it to God. Maybe one day, I will be able to say how wonderful they are both doing. Of course both say that they have not used.....him in over a week and her for over a month. My thought on that is.....because you have no money or because you really want to quit. I have to say that he stole from us a couple of times but it has been years and we didn't miss a thing the last two times he stayed here. She has never stolen from us to my knowledge, except a bottle of wine but that was before her drug days. They generally are able to abstain. Money is their trigger...they do worse when they have jobs but.....they haven't been homeless until recently. They were fine with a minimum wage job that wasn't even full time because they could use and still have the comforts of "home". I read that they call that "chipping". I guess I would consider them both chippers. As soon as they have money however.....IT ALL GOES TO DRUGS. I realize that this says to me that they are still addicts and that if I care for them at all while they are not caring for their children that I am enabling. It's just sad because you said it ....they are more able bodied than many with all the tools. I know that I have helped way too much and they both seem to be afraid of life. </p><p></p><p>I do still cry and feel down but it's baby steps and I continue to move forward a little bit each day. I believe that the most important point you make is that I must DETACH. The more I am able to do that, the better it gets for me. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again for listening, Thanks again for responding and Thanks for your commitment to this site.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2 times the heartache, post: 712273, member: 21750"] Thanks so much [USER=1550]@SomewhereOutThere[/USER] for the time you spent to send me these wise words. Of course the weekend was rough being Mother's Day. My son called early to wish me a HMD and say he had a card for me. I couldn't meet him as my husband made plans for us and I had my grand daughter. over. The first thing my husband said was "where did he get money for a card, he probably stole it". I don't think about that, I was thinking that it was nice. This morning, I heard from my daughter with HMD. She called from a hospital so I answered. I had caller ID but asked where she was and she said the hospital. I asked what happened and she said nothing. She said she was exhausted and had walked the entire day yesterday so went there and up to the 6th floor waiting area and stayed all night. She said she couldn't sleep much but nobody asked her who she was there for or put her out and it was more comfortable than concrete. She said that the phone I have paid for since she was in college fell into a culvert and got wet and didn't work. I asked about her "welfare phone" and she said it was lost. I knew she had loaned it to her brother when staying here for a few days and then took it back and gave it to the young guy she hangs with and does drugs with. I told her she needed to see about getting it replaced. She wanted to come get her illegal car and I told her no as I paid to get it out of impound and was not about to have it towed again. You know how the story went and eventually, she hung up on me. You know the funny thing.....my son is better but that is the FIRST time in several years that she has called to wish me HMD. In all her adult life, I got a gift maybe 3 times and that's when we were helping her financially and she had two incomes. That's what bothers my husband the most and I FINALLY understand....it hurts but I understand. He always said that she could make a card or call at minimum. I also realized that even at his lowest, he always managed to at least call to say Happy Birthday or Happy Mother's Day and he generally tells me how appreciative he is of anything I do. We'll see how that goes now that I have drastically cut down on doing and giving and plan to further reduce any response at all. Thanks also for reinforcing what I know in my heart but forget when I am pining for them. I actually do feel a little better EVERY DAY and this site has helped me tremendously to do that. Just as you do, I have made a promise to myself to pay it forward and to continue to be here and share for others who may need the support I have found here. Earlier today as I prayed, I did just as you mentioned....I gave it to God. Maybe one day, I will be able to say how wonderful they are both doing. Of course both say that they have not used.....him in over a week and her for over a month. My thought on that is.....because you have no money or because you really want to quit. I have to say that he stole from us a couple of times but it has been years and we didn't miss a thing the last two times he stayed here. She has never stolen from us to my knowledge, except a bottle of wine but that was before her drug days. They generally are able to abstain. Money is their trigger...they do worse when they have jobs but.....they haven't been homeless until recently. They were fine with a minimum wage job that wasn't even full time because they could use and still have the comforts of "home". I read that they call that "chipping". I guess I would consider them both chippers. As soon as they have money however.....IT ALL GOES TO DRUGS. I realize that this says to me that they are still addicts and that if I care for them at all while they are not caring for their children that I am enabling. It's just sad because you said it ....they are more able bodied than many with all the tools. I know that I have helped way too much and they both seem to be afraid of life. I do still cry and feel down but it's baby steps and I continue to move forward a little bit each day. I believe that the most important point you make is that I must DETACH. The more I am able to do that, the better it gets for me. Thanks again for listening, Thanks again for responding and Thanks for your commitment to this site. [/QUOTE]
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