New to forum..glad to be here.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Scotts, Oct 3, 2012.

  1. Scotts

    Scotts New Member

    Hello everyone, I am Tracy. I have one biological child 7y girl. Another step child 12y girl. Married to their dad. (2 dogs - Pit bull and a pomeranian).

    I will try to condense the story so not to bore everyone. I met Scott (husband) 8 yrs ago. difficult child was 4 at that time. We never really bonded. She always seemed to have issues. Whining, crying, being bratty etc. husband lived with his mom @ the time and they were raising difficult child at that point. Her biological mom is a meth addict who lives in CO. We were in Memphis. She had only met bio mom twice.

    I moved away to Boston in 2010 without husband or difficult child, just pc7 and I. This wasn't because of issues with- difficult child, more between husband and I. A year later he joined us. 7 months later she joined us (difficult child). Now, we hadn't really ever bonded and she was a handful. He works crazy hours so wasn't around to really see what was happening. She was able to literally turn the house upside down in a couple of months.

    Main issues we had, will not shower, will not clean room, cries during homework, won't / cannot focus on anything, talks back constantly. Final straw was she contacted DSS and they investigated. The next day, I put her back on a plane to Memphis. :(

    Fast forward. I decided to begin taking Prozac and Ativan. My overall mood has gotten much better and I am able to sit on Skype with difficult child and not feel upset/annoyed/frustrated. That is a big step for me considering I felt as though if I never saw this child again it would be too soon. Over the past 2 months we've talked a lot and I've talked to her grandma. We decided this week we are going to bring her back here with us.

    Where I need advice is....should I be taking her to a doctor? Her grandma has in the past and initially was told ADHD and then later told dystimia? She tried medication and difficult child was a zombie then finally refused to take it at all.

    She has trouble concentrating (does good on class work but bombs almost every test), hates homework would rather be in internet. Tendency to talk to herself and says that she has no idea why she does it and doesn't really realize she's doing it. Has melt downs very quickly when she doesn't get her way.

    Are these all just normal pre teen things?

    Thanks in advance for reading all that!
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi Tracy! Welcome. She sounds like a handful. Do you know for sure if bio mom used while pregnant? Did she have any time with bio mom? My suggestion would be to go to a neuropsychologist who can do intensive testing. There could be many things but the chance of brain damage from drugs (which usually includes alcohol ) seems high and her symptoms could easily fall under that. (Attachment challenges , attention, aggression, impulsive behaviors etc.) Now that may take a while. If you can get husband to have an in home case manager or therapist to help cover your a**es....I'd worry if she called again would you lose your other child. Keep logs with no emotion ....really:her behaviors and how you handled things just in case. Just mho. I hope it works out!
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    It could be a combination of things. Personally, I would take her to a GOOD child psychiatrist. If the medications made her a "zombie", they were either the wrong medications or a very wrong dosage. I would also have the school she will be attending (after you get her enrolled and she starts going) evaluate her for Special Education services. They will test her academic skills, behavior, etc and determine if there are areas where she needs help. I would get that going the day she starts school there so there isn't too much of a gap where she gets no help.

    Oh, and ditto what Buddy said!!

    I am glad you found us and it's GREAT that you're seeking help to make things better for her AND for you. You're doing the right thing.

    Sorry, but what is dystimia? That's not one I'm familiear with. Others here may be of more help and may know what that is and can point you in a better direction.

    Welcome to our little corner of the world.
  4. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    Ditto what both Buddy and TeDo said.

    I don't have anything to add at the moment except to say I'm glad you found us but sorry you had to. I hope you stick around. This is a wonderful site!! SFR
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member


    Same question I had--did biomom do meth while she was pregnant with-difficult child? difficult child could be sensory defensive; everything is too loud, too fast, too scratchy, you get the idea. You've got to tone it down for her, teach her coping skills, and maybe get her on some antianxiety medications.
    YES take her to a doctor. You can help her. Biomom isn't going to get anywhere with-her.
    KUDOS to YOU for taking care of yourself before trying to tackle these issues again.
    You GO, Warrior Mom!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would take her to a neuropsychologist and question whether or not she has alcohol or cocaine related issues if Mom used drugs and drank during pregnancy. I am raising a child who we adopted and BM used and drank during her pregnancy...and she sounds a lot like him, only he had a lot of help from Day One because he was in foster care. He also talks to himself (no, it's not normal). Drugs in utero mess with the developing brain and alcohol (also a drug) I have been told is even worse than drugs. Most people who use meth, don't say "no" to alcohol. It may be that this poor girl can not help her behavior at all due to organic brain damage from alcohol, drugs, or both. Every drug/alcohol exposed child is different...but they almost all tend to have behavioral and learning issues, sometimes very severe. Also, I agree that attachment issues are probably part of the mix too, but I don't believe attachment issues are the whole nine yards.

    If there is a possibility that BM was involved with drugs and alcohol while she was pregnant with difficult child, I would take her to a good neuropsychologist who understands how to look for fetal alcohol spectrum and drug affects. That way you can learn what to expect from this child and if it is realistic to control her only on ADHD medication. You can also find out if you feel you can handle it. My son got considerably better as he got older, however he IS on the autism spectrum, a very common side affect of being exposed to any drugs in utero.

    If your hub says BM didn't drink or do drugs during pregnancy, and he is sure, then disregard this post :) However, it seems likely that she did. My son had crack in his system when he was born and also had syphilis. He could also turn our house into a tornado in five seconds flat. We took him to a renowned drug exposed kids clinic in Chicago...not everyone can do that, I realize. We lived there. But we pretty much heard of the worst about what to expect and happily Sonic has exceeded all expectations.

    I wish you lots of luck and please keep us posted :)