New to Forum...going crazy at home!!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by smace68, May 2, 2007.

  1. smace68

    smace68 New Member

    <span style='font-family: Comic Sans MS'> <span style="color: #6633FF">Hi everyone,
    I'm just learning this board and all the acronyms, so bare with me here. I have two daughters that are 17 and 16...one was diagnosis'd at 5 with ADHD and just the other day with Bipolar not otherwise specified, ODD, depression, and pending Borderline Intellectual Functioning...the 16 yr old has ODD, depression, and possibly Bipolar. Wow, that's alot in itself...but I'm also disabled with Pulmonary Hypertension and depression on top of that...because PH is a terminal illness. My BH has diabetes and other health problems...but he continues to work outside of the home...his neuropathy is getting worse and he has spinal stenosis also and may end up in a wheel chair in 10 years. My father was killed a year ago this month and I have to take care of my mentally handicapped mother...she is 66 and has other health problems on top of that. Whew...that is alot!!! Now, my question...how do I handle the hormonal, very defiant teens I am having with BOTH of my daughters! I'm ready to give them away or let them move out...but living in Kansas, you have to be 18 to live on your own...but my oldest probably won't be doing that. Can I take care of her for the rest of my life? That's the $50 million dollar question! I've often felt like I've failed my kids, have I really? Thanks for letting me vent and sorry this is so long. Just wanted to introduce myself and ask a few questions.
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  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome Sue! You DO have alot on your plate! I do not know if you have failed your children, but I do know that it is difficult to raise kids with mental health issues. It is draining and stressful. Most people have no idea just how stressful. They do not realize we are thinking about it 24/7 and worrying about their future.

    If I were you, I would not plan on taking care of your daughter for the rest of her life. I would be trying to get something in place through the local support that may be available - get her learning on how to live on her own, even if it is a transitional place.
     
  3. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi Sue - welcome!

    Lots going on in your home - you sound so very drained.

    I agree with busy - getting a plan in place for your daughter. Please check in with county mental health - see if there are any resources that can be utilized given her diagnosis. Group homes & independent living skills training come to mind.

    Feel free to come here & vent when you need to - this is a good group of parents who have been there done that.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hello Sue and welcome to the board! :biggrin:

    Whew! You certainly have your hands full. I agree with Linda and busy. I'd be looking into what services are available for your girls with their dxes.

    It certainly isn't easy raising teen girls, and being difficult child (gifts from God) just throws everything out of whack during the teen years especially. I'm glad I'm nearing the end of it. lol :slap:

    ((((hugs))))
     
  5. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Welcome! It does sound like you are dealing with an awful lot right now. I can offer the same advice as others, but another thought comes to my mind when reading your post. Have you taken any relaxation time for yourself?! I have said it before, and I am sure that I will say it again in the future, but when being a parent, to easy child's or difficult child's, the best thing you can do for your children is to TAKE CARE of YOURSELF TOO!! This is especially true for parents of difficult child's as they are especially draining and frustrating. If you are run down, shaken up, and just plain EXHAUSTED, no matter how hard you try to be the perfect parent, those things will make you react to things in ways you don't want to. Try to be sure to take some time to DESTRESS and UNWIND. It will honestly make a WORLD of difference in the way you react to your children, which in turn will make a world of difference in the way they react to you....

    I am terrified of the "teen years"...... our 12 yo difficult child is nearing that stage now, and thank goodness the other two are far behind her in age. However, the other two girls are only 2 years apart, and will be going through the teen years together. With one of them already exhibiting some difficult child-ness, I am worried that I will find myself in the same predicament you are in a few years when they approach that stage of life together.

    Welcome again, and I hope that I will get to know you better through your posts... hang in there and make sure to take some time for yourself!!!
     
  6. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Welcome Sue-
    Sorry things are so rough for you. Are your g'sfg in any therapies? Are they on any medications? have you looked into SSI for them? I would contact anyone and everyone to get future help, if you haven't already. This board can help a lot. Many people have had to fight the system to get help.

    Hang in there...
     
  7. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> welcome. your post quite took my breath away. that's a ton of stuff you've got on your plate.

    once the intellectual functioning is more finely defined your daughter will hopefully be eligible for assistance from MR/MH services from the county.

    are either of the girls stable? what about school? are they attending? is the school helpful? you might want to speak with-them about them being given life skills training.

    so i would start by getting them both medically stable & then getting those lie skills worked on. does that make sense to you?

    it would be helpful if you could tell us more about each girl's behavior issues.

    kris
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