Terry's got a good point. Gentle exercise, even though you don't feel like it, is really good for stress, for depression, for clearing your head. I must admit, there are times when my easy child 2/difficult child 2 is throwing another tantrum, I am tempted to take myself out of the house and away from her, just to get a breather. I've done this a few times but mostly she quiets down before I reach the door. But then, she doesn't get physical with anyone.
Serious suggestion - to get the low-down on what organisations in your area could help, or maybe just to talk and find out where things are likely to go from here, you could make a few phone calls. You could call, or your mother could.
If she's at the end of her tether and just wanting to cry on someone's shoulder (as well as maybe get some helpful advice) Lifeline is good. Lifeline Sydney is 131 114.
Wayside Chapel Crisis team - 9358 6577 (Sydney)
Al-Anon -
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/australia.html for a location near you (not sure which state).
There is also Narc-Anon for family members of drug users. Al-Anon will help you find them.
Al-Anon are an organisation for the friends and relatives of alcoholics - you can go along even if the alcoholic in your family reckons there's no problem. They give you some really useful support and understanding, they help you to detach and not take it so personally. They also help you to see that until you let your brother fail on his own, he will never get the help he needs.
My eldest sister went through this - she kept bailing her son out of trouble, went to court for him, reimbursed people he stole from, paid for solicitors etc for several years until she had run out of money. Each time he was contrite, apologetic, making vast promises that he couldn't keep. And they would be back again a few months later.
He finally had to do jail time, big time, for accumulated crimes, all drug-related. Maybe if she had let him fall when he was younger he might have learned his lesson without having to go to an adult jail. But who knows? She was trying to compensate for a ratbag ex-husband who had always treated this boy like dirt.
She went through a rough patch with him when she went to collect his oldest son for a visit, soon after his current girlfriend had a baby. Something had upset him (probably her refusal to give them more money) and he shouted at her, "You'll never see me or your grandchildren again!"
He wasn't above using anything, even his own kids, to get drug money.
She remarried a few years ago. We'd not seen him or heard of him in years, and he made contact with her a week before the wedding. He showed up, with his oldest son. We all talked. He has been trying to live right and seems to have put all his jail time behind him. He looked almost as old as the groom, certainly much older than his older cousins and brothers. Sadder but wiser. He is still in touch with his mother, there have been no demands for money, but he will never be able to work because he's fried his brain over the years.
Next time your brother says he will move out, I'd be helping him pack. It might shock him into realising how much he is hurting people. But in the meantime - keep valuables, especially money, locked away securely. This is really bad for your brothers to be around. Don't think it will put them off drug use, seeing what it's done to their big brother - you would think it would, but it doesn't. What they need to see, is this being handled in a way to keep them safe and to not enable the person who is the problem.
He needs to leave. If he's holding some sort of emotional blackmail over your mother (such as the baby) then your mother has to get tough (not easy, when he's ground her down so thoroughly). Your mother can call DOCS if she needs to, to keep the baby safe from the father, if he is likely to be a threat. Or she could call Centrelink, if there's a chance he's abusing any payments. And considering how easy it is to do that, chances are they'd find something!
My thinking cap is on. But the first mob you call, ask them for other referrals, for anyone they think you should be speaking to. Even your local hospital's mental health unit could be worth a try.
I hope this helps.
Marg
Hi there,ok firstly iam writing this on behalf of my mother right now, as she is walking around the house in a state of emotional distress. We are all a our wits ends and justneed help.
