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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 200698" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's a shame that not everybody is ready to accept a label of any kind. But don't be too hard on them - it is very difficult to accept tat someone you love could have a problem. Denial especially from the people who love him such a great deal but who don't live with him, is a common occurrence. You can't force them to accept anything until they are ready.</p><p></p><p>Some practical suggestions for you - I wouldn't push the handwriting. He knows enough to be able to sign his name and to write a shopping list in longhand. Frankly, he isn't going to need much more - we rarely do longhand writing these days, so we? And to push it so hard, when he has such difficulty, is perhaps a waste of energy which could be better spent in learning what he needs to. </p><p>We've had to do the same thing with our boys and probably should have done this also with easy child 2/difficult child 2. They all have hypermobile joints (does your son? Sometimes it's not obvious but it does lead to a lot of pain and the risk of early arthritis). easy child 2/difficult child 2 has recently bought herself a laptop computer which she uses for taking her lecture notes as well as for taking notes in the field with her studies.</p><p></p><p>With difficult child 3, "use of computer" was put in his IEP and the Dept of Ed bought an Alphasmart Neo for him to use. At first I would have preferred a laptop, but have since seen the advantages of the Alphasmart - it's cheaper, it's tough, it's very simple and cannot be used to cheat very easily. In our education system (NSW, Australia) kids like difficult child 1 & difficult child 3 are permitted to use a computer during exams. However, the computer being used MUST be free of any text files before the exam. This is just not practical, for a laptop computer. It's also difficult to police and difficult to ensure, for a laptop. But the Alphasmart is really easy 0 it has a maximum of 8 files, it auto-saves and via a USB cable it can download work as a text file to either a Mac or a easy child.</p><p></p><p>We've used the Alphasmart a lot for difficult child 3 - when we're travelling, we get him to do a travel diary. He takes photos using our digital camera and while we're in the car or wherever, he also takes notes on the Alphasmart. It has a small screen which allows him to view three lines at a time; he can scroll through the whole text using arrow keys. It runs on batteries which rarely need changing.</p><p></p><p>Your son sounds like he has splinter skills. With his early development, I would be wondering about hyperlexia. With splinter skills, it can be very difficult to get an accurate idea of their capability, using psychometric assessment. We've been told that we should consider the high score in the subtest as an indication of where his overall IQ should be, if he didn't have the learning problem. So instead of viewing him as an average ability but surprisingly gifted in maths, consider him a kid who is doing OK but feeling very frustrated because he knows he should be able to do a lot better, he is much brighter than he seems. This can also lead to a kid being very negative about himself, feeling like a failure and feeling very disheartened. You can also get raging caused by the frustration. The slow mental processing - it could be connected to learning difficulties in there, it could also be an attention/distraction thing - there are a number of possibilities. Again, he would find this very frustrating.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 has social skill issues but they mostly show up with kids his own age. He is best when dealing with adults, or with kids who are much younger. A lot of adults he meets casually have no idea he's autistic; a lot express disbelief. The brighter a kid is, the more easily they can mask their problem areas. And they're not trying to be deceptive; they learn, FAST, that they need to blend in as well as they can and do this almost without thinking.</p><p></p><p>When you describe the power struggles with teachers, with you etc, these ARE social skill problems. Again, these are a common thing in high-functioning autism and Asperger's. Again, whether your son has this or not, he has enough similarity for "Explosive Child" to help you. It is especially effective where ODD symptoms are observed and are an issue. You say you feel he will benefit from therapy - I think you're right. But you can do this too - it can only help. I freely admit, when we kept getting this book recommended to us I was feeling a bit burned out, "booked" out, the last thing I wanted was yet another book with yet another system of charts, lists, meetings, family meetings, sticker charts and other interminable additions to my already overloaded schedule. When I finally read the book (I was getting increasingly desperate - the arguing, the insistence on absolutely every tiny little detail being thrashed out in every discussion was driving me crazy) I found it to be an amazing help. And far from adding to my workload - it made it easier. MUCH easier. It removed most of the battles and over time has removed even more, as he has learned to organise himself much more than I would have ever thought possible.</p><p></p><p>Therapy really helped difficult child 3 with dealing with his anxiety. A lot of his arguing and his raging was directly linked to his extreme anxiety, but superficially it wasn't immediately obvious. Also linked in to his anxiety is his desire to please, and to also blend in and slip below everyone's radar. He wants to be friends with everyone, he wants to please. But sometimes it's all just too hard, because he's trying to do it all and it can be just so overwhelming he feels he can never succeed. Again, the book helped here as well, because it reduced the load to a more manageable level. As he was able to cope, the load was increased. </p><p></p><p>So - therapy has helped. The book has also helped - it helped me find a different way of handling him, which in turn made it easier for him to reach his goals and to find his own feet. And medications have helped, for us - ADHD medications. They're not helpful to everyone, maybe not even most. Other kids do well on medications to deal specifically with problems they have.</p><p></p><p>What often works best, when you look back on it all - a multi-pronged approach. But if you plunge right in with a multi-pronged approach you will never be sure what helped. You need to try things separately first, before you throw everything at once at the problem.</p><p></p><p>I believe you when you say that he is a good kid - I'm glad you can see this in your child. So often we get burned out, mentally exhausted by the battles and we lose sight that somewhere in there is a good kid who just wants to be happy and to be able to do what everyone else can do.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 200698, member: 1991"] It's a shame that not everybody is ready to accept a label of any kind. But don't be too hard on them - it is very difficult to accept tat someone you love could have a problem. Denial especially from the people who love him such a great deal but who don't live with him, is a common occurrence. You can't force them to accept anything until they are ready. Some practical suggestions for you - I wouldn't push the handwriting. He knows enough to be able to sign his name and to write a shopping list in longhand. Frankly, he isn't going to need much more - we rarely do longhand writing these days, so we? And to push it so hard, when he has such difficulty, is perhaps a waste of energy which could be better spent in learning what he needs to. We've had to do the same thing with our boys and probably should have done this also with easy child 2/difficult child 2. They all have hypermobile joints (does your son? Sometimes it's not obvious but it does lead to a lot of pain and the risk of early arthritis). easy child 2/difficult child 2 has recently bought herself a laptop computer which she uses for taking her lecture notes as well as for taking notes in the field with her studies. With difficult child 3, "use of computer" was put in his IEP and the Dept of Ed bought an Alphasmart Neo for him to use. At first I would have preferred a laptop, but have since seen the advantages of the Alphasmart - it's cheaper, it's tough, it's very simple and cannot be used to cheat very easily. In our education system (NSW, Australia) kids like difficult child 1 & difficult child 3 are permitted to use a computer during exams. However, the computer being used MUST be free of any text files before the exam. This is just not practical, for a laptop computer. It's also difficult to police and difficult to ensure, for a laptop. But the Alphasmart is really easy 0 it has a maximum of 8 files, it auto-saves and via a USB cable it can download work as a text file to either a Mac or a easy child. We've used the Alphasmart a lot for difficult child 3 - when we're travelling, we get him to do a travel diary. He takes photos using our digital camera and while we're in the car or wherever, he also takes notes on the Alphasmart. It has a small screen which allows him to view three lines at a time; he can scroll through the whole text using arrow keys. It runs on batteries which rarely need changing. Your son sounds like he has splinter skills. With his early development, I would be wondering about hyperlexia. With splinter skills, it can be very difficult to get an accurate idea of their capability, using psychometric assessment. We've been told that we should consider the high score in the subtest as an indication of where his overall IQ should be, if he didn't have the learning problem. So instead of viewing him as an average ability but surprisingly gifted in maths, consider him a kid who is doing OK but feeling very frustrated because he knows he should be able to do a lot better, he is much brighter than he seems. This can also lead to a kid being very negative about himself, feeling like a failure and feeling very disheartened. You can also get raging caused by the frustration. The slow mental processing - it could be connected to learning difficulties in there, it could also be an attention/distraction thing - there are a number of possibilities. Again, he would find this very frustrating. difficult child 3 has social skill issues but they mostly show up with kids his own age. He is best when dealing with adults, or with kids who are much younger. A lot of adults he meets casually have no idea he's autistic; a lot express disbelief. The brighter a kid is, the more easily they can mask their problem areas. And they're not trying to be deceptive; they learn, FAST, that they need to blend in as well as they can and do this almost without thinking. When you describe the power struggles with teachers, with you etc, these ARE social skill problems. Again, these are a common thing in high-functioning autism and Asperger's. Again, whether your son has this or not, he has enough similarity for "Explosive Child" to help you. It is especially effective where ODD symptoms are observed and are an issue. You say you feel he will benefit from therapy - I think you're right. But you can do this too - it can only help. I freely admit, when we kept getting this book recommended to us I was feeling a bit burned out, "booked" out, the last thing I wanted was yet another book with yet another system of charts, lists, meetings, family meetings, sticker charts and other interminable additions to my already overloaded schedule. When I finally read the book (I was getting increasingly desperate - the arguing, the insistence on absolutely every tiny little detail being thrashed out in every discussion was driving me crazy) I found it to be an amazing help. And far from adding to my workload - it made it easier. MUCH easier. It removed most of the battles and over time has removed even more, as he has learned to organise himself much more than I would have ever thought possible. Therapy really helped difficult child 3 with dealing with his anxiety. A lot of his arguing and his raging was directly linked to his extreme anxiety, but superficially it wasn't immediately obvious. Also linked in to his anxiety is his desire to please, and to also blend in and slip below everyone's radar. He wants to be friends with everyone, he wants to please. But sometimes it's all just too hard, because he's trying to do it all and it can be just so overwhelming he feels he can never succeed. Again, the book helped here as well, because it reduced the load to a more manageable level. As he was able to cope, the load was increased. So - therapy has helped. The book has also helped - it helped me find a different way of handling him, which in turn made it easier for him to reach his goals and to find his own feet. And medications have helped, for us - ADHD medications. They're not helpful to everyone, maybe not even most. Other kids do well on medications to deal specifically with problems they have. What often works best, when you look back on it all - a multi-pronged approach. But if you plunge right in with a multi-pronged approach you will never be sure what helped. You need to try things separately first, before you throw everything at once at the problem. I believe you when you say that he is a good kid - I'm glad you can see this in your child. So often we get burned out, mentally exhausted by the battles and we lose sight that somewhere in there is a good kid who just wants to be happy and to be able to do what everyone else can do. Marg [/QUOTE]
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