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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 615949"><p>I am so sorry you had to find us - but glad you did. </p><p></p><p>Yes, this is a place for parents. Because as parents we have unique relationships with our kids - in that it is really almost impossible to give up and walk away from one's own child; it's absolutely unthinkable to do so - and I am sure you understand that as a parent yourself. As parents, we all struggle with the idea that we are the people who are supposed to reach out to our kids and help them no matter what and never give up. And we struggle mightily because addicts are skilled liars, they use us, they hurt us over and over again and yet, we are morally aghast at the idea of choosing our own preservation over trying to save our adult "child" - who by the way, doesn't really want our help until we are the very last resort for them. And even then, they often turn on or away from us, once their crisis has passed.</p><p></p><p>You, my dear, are not your SO's mother. You are not a bad person for refusing to help him. No way, no how. He lied to you and now he is trying to emotionally manipulate you. You need to think about self preservation and your own child. Run, do not walk away from this man. Choose yourself and don't look back. </p><p></p><p>The moral dilemma I wrote about above exists only in our own head. And I think we eventually learn - after struggling often-that detaching ourselves from our beloved children who are addicts is the BEST thing from them and for us. If we can do it, so can you. It IS the best thing for yourself and your son. You can't have a relationship built upon lies. Do not look back, do not beat yourself up for not helping him or for falling for his lies. It's OK to choose yourself. In fact, you must. It's the best thing for ALL of you. Good luck, god bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 615949"] I am so sorry you had to find us - but glad you did. Yes, this is a place for parents. Because as parents we have unique relationships with our kids - in that it is really almost impossible to give up and walk away from one's own child; it's absolutely unthinkable to do so - and I am sure you understand that as a parent yourself. As parents, we all struggle with the idea that we are the people who are supposed to reach out to our kids and help them no matter what and never give up. And we struggle mightily because addicts are skilled liars, they use us, they hurt us over and over again and yet, we are morally aghast at the idea of choosing our own preservation over trying to save our adult "child" - who by the way, doesn't really want our help until we are the very last resort for them. And even then, they often turn on or away from us, once their crisis has passed. You, my dear, are not your SO's mother. You are not a bad person for refusing to help him. No way, no how. He lied to you and now he is trying to emotionally manipulate you. You need to think about self preservation and your own child. Run, do not walk away from this man. Choose yourself and don't look back. The moral dilemma I wrote about above exists only in our own head. And I think we eventually learn - after struggling often-that detaching ourselves from our beloved children who are addicts is the BEST thing from them and for us. If we can do it, so can you. It IS the best thing for yourself and your son. You can't have a relationship built upon lies. Do not look back, do not beat yourself up for not helping him or for falling for his lies. It's OK to choose yourself. In fact, you must. It's the best thing for ALL of you. Good luck, god bless. [/QUOTE]
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