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New to Group - Kicked out our 19 year old son (only child) today
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 557181"><p>Oh gosh have I been there. It is all new territory for you (and him) and it may take a while to find your way. Nothing is forever and he is young and there is plenty of room for growth and change... so I suggest you just remember that this is right now and it will change.</p><p></p><p>I have been through many many ups and downs with my son who just turned 21. We kicked him out when he was 18.... and it was horrible then. And he has at times been horrible to us. My goal has always been to just let him know I love him AND to not accept mistreatment from him. So if he gets nasty or blaming or any of that stuff I end the conversation. </p><p></p><p>I do think with my son he has realized at this point in time that he is in the situation he is in from his own actions. I think some really hard knocks, and being out on his own with nothing and being homeless has helped him realize that we are not to blame.</p><p></p><p>For my part I have gotten to a point where I am accepting he is who he is, it is what it is, and at this point his life is in his hands and his choices are his choices. So I am trying hard to just accept him and not be judgemental and not make him wrong. At the same time I am working hard to not enable him..... so I dont buy in (too often) to his manipulation and say no... and put it back on him. He is homeless and is hitchhinking across the country with a friend with no money or id as far as I know.</p><p></p><p>But we are talking and our relationship is slowly redeveloping even admist his homelessness.... and just today I was thinking there is hope for a good future relationship if he ever gets his act together.</p><p></p><p>So don't give up on the future because things will change with time. And yes go to the support group.... I have a family alanon meeting that has been an absolute lifesaver for me (along with this group).</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 557181"] Oh gosh have I been there. It is all new territory for you (and him) and it may take a while to find your way. Nothing is forever and he is young and there is plenty of room for growth and change... so I suggest you just remember that this is right now and it will change. I have been through many many ups and downs with my son who just turned 21. We kicked him out when he was 18.... and it was horrible then. And he has at times been horrible to us. My goal has always been to just let him know I love him AND to not accept mistreatment from him. So if he gets nasty or blaming or any of that stuff I end the conversation. I do think with my son he has realized at this point in time that he is in the situation he is in from his own actions. I think some really hard knocks, and being out on his own with nothing and being homeless has helped him realize that we are not to blame. For my part I have gotten to a point where I am accepting he is who he is, it is what it is, and at this point his life is in his hands and his choices are his choices. So I am trying hard to just accept him and not be judgemental and not make him wrong. At the same time I am working hard to not enable him..... so I dont buy in (too often) to his manipulation and say no... and put it back on him. He is homeless and is hitchhinking across the country with a friend with no money or id as far as I know. But we are talking and our relationship is slowly redeveloping even admist his homelessness.... and just today I was thinking there is hope for a good future relationship if he ever gets his act together. So don't give up on the future because things will change with time. And yes go to the support group.... I have a family alanon meeting that has been an absolute lifesaver for me (along with this group). TL [/QUOTE]
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