New to ODD, could use some friends and Advice,pls!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by renaeb, May 2, 2007.

  1. renaeb

    renaeb New Member

    My family and I have just learned that our son (12) has been diagnosed of ODD, my husband has adult ADHD (hasn't it been fun around here). Life has been hell for years between doctors appmts medications and hearing all the different theories the doctor's have said about my kid. I am so sad and devastated but also releived to know we have an answer. I am exhausted all the time as I have Fibromyalgia which causes extreme body aches and fatige and I have been doing all the parenting alone. I finally broke down last week and told my husband "NO MORE". I couldn't do this alone and he would have to step up, or we were done and he could raise my son. I just and breaking and no one seems to care. I am so alone. I think he finally got it but still, what do you do with a kid like this who is constantly causing your family to argue. I know some of you know exactly what I'm talking about. I run a preschool in my home and beleive it or not those kids or such a joy to me because they want to listen to me and they do. Nothing is a fight. With my son, nothing is easy, and just for once I wish it was. I would love to talk with someo you on a regular basis. I live in Wa. state there is no support here. Thx, Renae
     
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Welcome Ranae - you surely have your hands full. If nothing else we are here to listen; lend a shoulder to lean on.

    The Explosive Child is a good resource for challenging children - it helps a parent learn to pick & choose the battles so life in your home isn't a constant battle.

    Again - welcome.
     
  3. ROE

    ROE New Member

    Hello friend,

    I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. We've all been there. My son was diagnosis by p.doctor #1 with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and ODD (ODD diagnosis came after mood disorder not otherwise specified,). P.doctor #2 "doesn't like the term ODD" he believes that OD "behavior" has an underlying cause...could be depression, anxiety, fear etc...

    Have you read the Explosive Child by Ross Greene? It gives alot of advice on how to make life with a difficult child more bearable.

    Who diagnosis's your difficult child? and is he taking any medications?

    Stick around. You'll find lots of advice and support here.

    Take care.
     
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Hello Renae and welcome to the board! :biggrin:

    You remind me of myself when I found the board several years ago. Now the members here are an extended family to me. I don't know how I'd have coped without their advice and support.

    Hang in there, you're not alone anymore.

    ((((hugs))))
     
  5. renaeb

    renaeb New Member

    Thanks, I do have that book, I should pull it back out. I ordered a program online tha I am waiting for. Hopefully my husband and I can do it together.
    Thanks again.
     
  6. neednewtechnique

    neednewtechnique New Member

    Renaeb,

    I can totally identify with you right now, and it almost makes me cry just thinking about it!! Our difficult child is also age 12, diagnosis with ODD. The double whammy is that at their delicate age, pre-adolescense is ALREADY filled with all sorts of problems and discomforts and insecurities for ANY child, plus dump all this on top of it, and it is quite a conflagration of BAD. Plus to put the cherry on top of a great stack of crap, although they have probably lived with this disorder most of their life, just starting proper treatment at this age is going to make them face it more head on, on a daily basis, and will probably cause even MORE changes because KNOWING what you are trying to work through, I am SURE that you are prepared to make some changes to the way he is disciplined at home, which will bring more insecurities for a while until he gets used to it.

    Also, COMPLETELY off the subject, but I noticed that you also suffer from Migraines. I am sure that you can identify with the complete AGONY of suffering through difficult child having a meltdown while you are fighting a migraine?!?!!?!?!?!?! This has been one of my biggest struggles so far, becuase it is so tempting not to intervene at all, just because I don't feel like it, but then if difficult child starts raging at me while I am in so much pain I can't even turn a light on, I get so ticked it almost sends me over the edge. I know it isn't like she is out to get me, but she never has a normal day when I have a migraine. She is also BiPolar (BP), so the mood swings cause so many changes. It seems like the day I get a migraine, she is either so down and nasty that I don't even want to see her, or she is on such a high that she wants to talk and is totally chitchatty and I just want her to STOP TALKING...but those are probably the worst days, becuase we spend so much time dealing with meltdowns that I WANT to be able to ENJOY her "high" days when she is in such a good mood, but man when you have a migraine you don't want to hear ANYONE talking to you...ya know?!
     
  7. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Welcome-
    Is your son on any medications? Is he in any therapies? Who diagnosis'd him? What part of Washington are you in? We have to travel to Washington to get some of our services. Which isn't that great!!! Closer to Seattle has better services...

    Most times ODD isn't a stand alone diagnosis... there is usually something else going on, a comorbid disorder. The ODD is a symptom of the disorder, for example ODD is a symptom of my difficult child's BiPolar (BP).

    Good luck and glad you found us.
     
  8. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 11pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #006600"> welcome.

    i too recommend The Explosive Child. i also completely agree with-roe's psychiatrist. ODD is not, in most cases, a stand alone diagnosis. more often than not there is another diagnosis that is causing the ODD behaviors. you need to get another evaluation...by a adolescent psychiatrist &/or a neuropsychologist.

    once you get a better picture of what's going on there are treatments, including medications, that can help.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  9. renaeb

    renaeb New Member

    When he was younger he was diagnosis with BiPolar (BP), but now now. We have heard so many different things. Right now we have just heard this diagnosis from the child Neurologist and that is the only person I trust. He was on so many different medications at one point 2 yrs ago and none of them worked. I'm not saying I would never do it again but I have so much guilt for putting him through that. He may have some Depression also. Right now, I am trying to get my husbands support. I am too weak to even get my son the help he needs. I can't stand alone anymore. My son has worn me out, it's not about love as you all know I just need support then I can stand up and get moving again with another round of doctors etc. There is no one good where we live, which is another problem. Thanks for the good advice
     
  10. renaeb

    renaeb New Member

    When he was younger he was diagnosis with BiPolar (BP), but now. We have heard so many different things. Right now we have just heard this diagnosis from the child Neurologist and that is the only person I trust. He was on so many different medications at one point 2 yrs ago and none of them worked. I'm not saying I would never do it again but I have so much guilt for putting him through that. He may have some Depression also. Right now, I am trying to get my husbands support. I am too weak to even get my son the help he needs. I can't stand alone anymore. My son has worn me out, it's not about love as you all know I just need support then I can stand up and get moving again with another round of doctors etc. There is no one good where we live, which is another problem. Thanks for the good advice
     
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're tired, and know how that goes. It actually took until my son was 11 to get the right diagnosis. and right help. I agree with those who said, however, that ODD almost never stands alone. It's hard for professionals to make the right diagnosis. My son had a slew of them, and they all missed the real problem (until he saw a neuropsychologist at 11). Frankly, I wouldn't trust a regular neurologist to diagnose a childhood disorder that affects behavior--it's not their field. They can spot and test for stuff like epilepsy, but I wouldn't trust them to tell bipolar from ODD from ADHD from Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). We had no luck with any neurologists, in that regard. Maybe your neurologist can refer you to a neuropsychologist. Neuropsychs run a lot of tests (12 hours worth here) and don't just take guesses, like so many other professionals do--many just see your kid for one hour and pull out the prescription pad, and that didn't work for MY kid either. He's on the autism spectrum, high-functioning, and they all missed it, so he was on about ten medications that he didn't need. However, you can't go on living the way you are. I recommend biting the bullet and trying again--that's what we had to do even though we got sick of it and met a lot of bad professionals along the way. My son puzzled them because he didn't fit a psychiatric diagnosis. Well, duh, he didn't HAVE one, but nobody told us that it could be Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), even though we'd brought up possible high functioning autism. Guess what? WE WERE RIGHT. The right diagnosis. made all the diff for my kid. He's almost 14 now and extremely well behaved and is getting help for the difficulties he has due to his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). He's a far different child than he used to be, very happy and functioning well. He had two wrong early diagnoses: ADHD/ODD and Bipolar. However, your child DOES display bipolar raging (mine didn't). What medications has he been on that didn't work? Maybe the psychiatrist (if a psychiatrist is who you saw) was giving him the wrong medications for bipolar, which can make it worse. ODD kids often tend to do well on BiPolar (BP) medications, making me think ODD is really often bipolar, misdiagnosed. Stimulants and antidepressants would make a bipolar child worse. A lot of fathers go into denial. Mine wasn't in denial, but he wasn't proactive. I had to do all the work, going to appointments, etc. He didn't fight me on it, but he didn't help. I guess that's what makes mothers special, huh?
     
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just popping in to say welcome and glad you found us. Hugs.
     
  13. renaeb

    renaeb New Member

    Thanks for the encouragement. I will gather enought strength to pick myself back up and get the help we need. I just have recently had a mini-break down. Admitted to my husband that I cant do this alone anymore and he will help or he will be raising this child alone and not me. We are hanging on be a string,but hopefully soon we can mend our relationship and stand strong for our son.
     
Loading...