G'day, binksmum. I'm also from Sydney. I've been a bit quiet lately because we were in the last days of prep for my younger daughter's wedding (last night). Tomorrow husband & I are going out for the day. But after that, we're back on deck.
husband is a member here too (he joined a while after me) because we found that having him even lurking here was such a huge benefit to us, we had to continue. But if he logged iin with my user name, then the site would assume I'd read updates when I hadn't necessarily. So now he has his own ID.
You say your son has a diagnosis of ODD and impulse control - keep looking, is my advice. Not that these are necessarilywrong. Just unlikely to be the main picture.
For example, using my difficult child 3 - he first manifested as exceptionally bright. But he wasn't talking. His hearing checked out OK (it wasn't easy finding how to assess this!). Then we noticed he had some obsessions as well as some phobias. Some level of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). Then the not talking problem - he was repeating what we said (but it sounded 'blurred') and could quote large chunks of text from movies, as well as sing songs he'd learnt from the radio (but would sing the sound effects also). This, we learned, is called echolalia. He also had language delay.
ABout this time he was diagnosed as somewhere on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) scale as well as having ADHD. We were accumulating an alphabet soup of labels. And the tantrums! When he was 6 his teacher said she thought he had ODD. I looked it up, could see the resemblance but said that there were generally reasons (that made sense to HIM) for the tantrum.
Impulse control issues - check. In spades!
But for difficult child 3, the whole lot can be explained by one blanket diagnosis - high-functioning autism (in his case). His older brother was similar (although more withdrawn and shy; difficult child 3 in contrast is very outgoing) and at the age of 13-14 was diagnosed as having Asperger's Syndrome.
Getting a diagnosis is a frustrating and time-consuming process. What helps a lot, is keeping a good history. And keep it yourself, don't count on doctors to necessarily keep good notes. They should and most do, but sometimes what helps with this is the fine detail, the little things that can get missed.
I'm happy to help you where I can, especially with finding some useful resources for you. Keep an open mind with diagnosis and always be prepared to question it, challenge it of whatever is needed. Not everyone will agree; however, sometimes once you get a label it doesn't get challenged when it should. For example, difficult child 1's first label, at age 6, was ADHD. But even though I kept saying, "But it doesn't explain this, or that" it wasn't until I found a doctor to also check out difficult child 3, that the same doctor said, "He's got Asperger's," and it explained so much more.
But you say you've muddled through and worked out a lot for yourself - so did we. And sometimes, what you ahve worked out can be as effective (if not more so) than a lot of professional strategies.
Mind you, grab what help you can get where you can get it. But trust your instincts too. If you find something that seems to help, use it. Example - last night at his sister's wedding, difficult child 3 was handed a 'spare' camera by the photographer. So instead of the crowd and the noise getting to him, difficult child 3 had a job to do and went about taking photos along with the official photographic team. His anxiety was damped down (I forgot to mention the extreme anxiety before - it's really bad sometimes) and he also turned in some surprisingly good photos. "Professional standard," the photographer told us.
Now this isn't one you'd necessarily find in the therapy books! But we have fond that if we keep difficult child 3's mind (the really intellectual part) working hard, he can be distracted from the sort of things that usually worry him. He even ate food last night (and enjoyed it) which he would normally avoid. He said to me, "I ate the mushroom sauce with the chicken, and enjoyed the mushrooms AND the creaminess." Two things he would normally hqave gagged at. And he also happily ate the kumara it was sitting on - something else he dislikes. His anxiety was so far down that he was able to try new things without feeling too stressed. (and that's another one for the alphabet soup of labels - Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), or Sensory Integration Disorder).
So while you wait to find the more detailed professional assessments and help you need, here is something that helped us (thanks to this website) - "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. You may have a little trouble finding it in bookshops - or you may be lucky. But you should be able to get it from the local library, or at least get them to order it in for you. It really helped us a lot. There are several editions, I've found them to be quite different in emphasis. I've read two - are there any more? I got new stuff from each one. If you go to the Early Childhood forum you will find some (sticky) threads on this book.
ANother thing for you to consider - Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD). There are a number of other possibilities which could also explain impulse control problems as well as ODD. Even a diagnosis of ADHD could fit the bill. But just to consider Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), go to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire on
www.childbrain.com and do the informal test on your son. Print out the result (whatever you get, even if it's normal) and show it to his specialist. It will at least help 'gel' ideas and information in your own head, about your son. Trying to pin this sort of thing down can be really difficult.
Something else that helped us (and I thought I invented the idea) - a Communication Book. It travels in his schoolbag. It is never the child's job to hand over the book (either to teacher or parent) because the book is too important. I would write short notes to the teacher that I thought could help give insight. Such as, "he slept badly last night, seems to be very grumpy this morning." The teacher might write back, "Thanks for the warning. He didn't seem sleepy in class but was irritable first thing this morning. But after I asked him to set up the weather station for the day he seemed more comfortable with our routine. Very tired after lunch though, and his eyes seemed a bit bright. Could he be coming down with a cold?"
Often putting this information together helped us work as an effective team to head off worse problems. It also meant that I wasn't always trying to have a quick talk to the teacher on the classroom steps in the afternoon. After a day teaching my son, I knew the teacher had earned the chance to head home on time to get a much-needed Bundy & Coke!
As I said, I'm happy to help where I can. When you're more established on the site, we'll be able to PM each other. Getting in touch with a community support network (real space, in your locality) can also help.
And lizzie - I do remember you (and your son). We had a bit of 'fun' explaining about PWS so members could understand it. I hope the mods can help you get back in touch with your old ID.
Marg
Honestly, while we aren't qualified to diagnose, the combined experience and wisdom that you will find here can put some of the professionals to shame.
