New to site, approaching the end of my rope...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by hesalive, Apr 26, 2011.

  1. hesalive

    hesalive New Member

    And feel VERY ALONE! Our day started immediately with battles...the amount of milk in the cereal bowl, not enough juice in the cup, not getting dressed. He's defiant, I'm tired = not a good combo! But, this behavior is typical and what we battle with daily. I feel helpless(I don't know what to do to), alone(everyone elses children are not this difficult, even my other child isn't), and judged(my perception is that others must think that I'm just not a good mother!). The tension from constantly dealing with behavior issues with the youngest, I feel is causing a wedge between me and my oldest. And, I'm beginning to sense bitterness and anger towards my husband.

    I googled "help for moms of difficult children" and found this site. I'm hoping to find some support and it seems like there is a lot here. Also, I plan to hit the library this afternoon to check out a few of those books on the recommended reading list.

    I know there's not any questions in this post, I'm just introducing myself and getting a post out there to get started. I have 2 children, both boys. 1 is 18 and a great child. The 2nd is 5 and is the difficult, defiant one. We've been married 11 years.
     
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to the site! I know you will learn a ton of information here. And gain some friends. Friends that understand!
     
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Welcome!!!

    I never imagined I'd be on this board more than 2 years after I found it. I love this place. I have found REAL friends here. (Some of whom I know in real life now, too.)

    Has your 5-y/o been diagnosed with any issues at all? Is there any mental health history at all in your/husband's background? Sometimes these get passed down...

    Other people will ask more questions... I can't seem to get my brain working today... But - HUGS! And again, welcome.
     
  4. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    The Explosive Child by Ross Greene - if you can't get anything else, get that. Get husband to read it too because you need to present a united front. It's tough having raised one "easy" kid to be faced with one who's challenging but - you have proof positive that it is NOT YOU. That 18 year old is it. Absolute proof. Rinse and repeat: IT IS NOT YOU.

    Ok, now maybe you could be doing things differently/better with this one. But you are not to blame for expecting that the ways that worked when you taught and disciplined your first child would work for the next one too.

    Most of the folks on the board have kids whose difficult behavior is associated with some kind of diagnosis - developmental (autism spectrum), mental illness (bipolar, depression, PTSD), neurological (drug babies, ADHD, sensory integration disorder), or relational (attachment disorders common among adopted children). So it's likely some/most of us will ask you questions geared toward helping you figure out if your child might need assessment for one or more of these problems. In general, having a diagnosis means that you have some idea what is most likely to help/not help in terms of treatment and discipline and whether your child is likely to need help at school and should be assessed by the school district. Some kids may qualify for free special help/assessment - this mainly applies to kids who are on the autism spectrum because there is a federal network of regional autism centers that provide these services.

    If you go to settings you can create a signature like the ones you see others using. It will save you answering questions over and over if you set one up. Just be sure not to use info that could identify you and your family.

    Welcome to the club. Sorry you're here and I hope you don't feel so alone now.:Grouphug:

    Patricia
     
  5. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Heya hon and *hugs*. I know it's hard to hang in there some days. The days you just want to plop down the milk and juice and say "You don't like how I do it, do it yourself. Go for it. Don't want to get dressed? Fine. I will deliver you to school in your jammies and your clothes in a bag, you can change there. Or not."
    Oh yeah, I know those days.
     
  6. jennd23

    jennd23 New Member

    So many of us really are living the same life! I have these same thoughts almost daily.
     
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