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<blockquote data-quote="timer lady" data-source="post: 88858" data-attributes="member: 393"><p>LAA,</p><p></p><p>The family situation makes emotional demands of your difficult child that he gets in no other setting.</p><p></p><p>Many times, those emotional demands, while normal for most kids, cannot be tolerated by children who have been hurt or neglected in the birth home. It becomes a fight or flight syndrome.</p><p></p><p>wm showed it daily here at home until he was placed elsewhere; kt displays it, however, to a much lesser degree. </p><p></p><p>The behaviors were irrational, deeply angering & many times aggressive & abusive toward the maternal parent. </p><p></p><p>There is no reason to disrupt the adoption - we are still wm's parents. As such we are responsible for him legally. The difference is that wm lives with what we consider our extended family of caregivers. We co-parent with foster mum & dad. We know daily what is going on with wm; foster parents check in with us & we let them know our ideas. We brainstorm.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, unfortunately, it does take a village to raise our children.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime you must decide your line in the sand for your difficult child if he does indeed come home. What will it take for him to be removed again.</p><p></p><p>For wm, it was verbal, physical or sexual displays of aggression toward anyone in this home. wm held out 3 months after his last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement but once again stepped over that line. It was almost like he dared us to do it. Once we let wm know that line we had to carry through.</p><p></p><p>Our team of service providers was ready because I had informed them of wm's daily increasing level of instability. The day he stepped over that line he was back in the hospital & in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) a few days later. It took 9 months to find the right group foster home. </p><p></p><p>Just wanted to share with you - we have siblings here; twins. They live separately yet stay in contact when they are both being safe. They can communicate daily by phone if they choose to do so.</p><p></p><p>It's not the ideal in parenting children. In our case it's the reality of what my children survived & need to achieve their highest level of functionality. </p><p></p><p>Good luck.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="timer lady, post: 88858, member: 393"] LAA, The family situation makes emotional demands of your difficult child that he gets in no other setting. Many times, those emotional demands, while normal for most kids, cannot be tolerated by children who have been hurt or neglected in the birth home. It becomes a fight or flight syndrome. wm showed it daily here at home until he was placed elsewhere; kt displays it, however, to a much lesser degree. The behaviors were irrational, deeply angering & many times aggressive & abusive toward the maternal parent. There is no reason to disrupt the adoption - we are still wm's parents. As such we are responsible for him legally. The difference is that wm lives with what we consider our extended family of caregivers. We co-parent with foster mum & dad. We know daily what is going on with wm; foster parents check in with us & we let them know our ideas. We brainstorm. Sometimes, unfortunately, it does take a village to raise our children. In the meantime you must decide your line in the sand for your difficult child if he does indeed come home. What will it take for him to be removed again. For wm, it was verbal, physical or sexual displays of aggression toward anyone in this home. wm held out 3 months after his last Residential Treatment Center (RTC) placement but once again stepped over that line. It was almost like he dared us to do it. Once we let wm know that line we had to carry through. Our team of service providers was ready because I had informed them of wm's daily increasing level of instability. The day he stepped over that line he was back in the hospital & in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) a few days later. It took 9 months to find the right group foster home. Just wanted to share with you - we have siblings here; twins. They live separately yet stay in contact when they are both being safe. They can communicate daily by phone if they choose to do so. It's not the ideal in parenting children. In our case it's the reality of what my children survived & need to achieve their highest level of functionality. Good luck. [/QUOTE]
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