New to the board -- my story. Help?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by doll, Sep 12, 2011.

  1. doll

    doll New Member

    Hi! I am new to the forum. I joined because I am at the end of my rope and in need of a place to vent out my frustrations about my 7-year-old difficult child, "Peanut".

    My story begins 3 years ago around the time my difficult child went into preschool. He was such a quiet child. Shy, really, you could say. He would hide behind mine or my mother's legs when we dropped him off in the morning. He would not engage in playtime or speak to the other children, choosing instead to wander around the classroom and finding one toy to fixate on or hold. The other kids all seemed to like him though, despite the fact the he wasn't all that playful or talkative. Eventually his shyness wore off and he started engaging with the other children in his group. However, other problems persisted, like not being able to sit in his seat, not participating or paying attention to what the other kids were learning, always wanting to keep one toy in his hands, wandering around the room and walking on his tiptoes, a trait he had since he began to walk. I started to get comments from the preschool teachers that something seemed "off" about my difficult child. One even went so far as to say it was possible he had a mild form of autism. I was appalled, after all, he was only 4 at the time and it was my opinion that it was very hard to classify a child as autistic so early.

    Beginning in his kindergarten year, things started to get progressively worrisome. Again, he was shy and uninterested in engaging with the other classmates for the first couple weeks. His teacher commented that he wandered around the room during her lessons and twice in the span of a couple weeks, he had wandered out of the classroom. The second time he even managed to follow a stranger out of the building until they noticed and escorted him back inside. This is when alarm bells started going off for me. I about lost it. Luckily, after we explained stranger danger, he refrained from ever doing that. I think he was so shook up at the idea of never seeing Mommy or Grandma again to even attempt a third escape.

    After the first month, my difficult child started to warm up to the other classmates and started making friends and participating in class. I thought this was a good thing but this is when our problems truly began. He had some incidents of taking things from the teachers desk and or from the other children. He would lie when asked about it and say he didn't do it even when it was clear he did because the evidence was in his hand or just shrug and tell us he didn't know why he did it. Despite this, his teacher doted on him and the other kids in the class all seemed to like him a great deal, much to my relief. He continued wandering around the room and only sometimes participated in class activities. During the parent/teacher conference meeting his teacher brought up the possibility of mild autism. Again, I wasn't swayed but agreed to take him to his PCP to have him checked out. Even his PCP wasn't quite convinced it was autism. She thought he was just a quirky child that would grow out of it with time.

    He ended up passing his kindergarten year even though there was some talk of holding him back. Then began his first grade year and again, the same pattern persisted. Shy at first, eventually warming up. He also continued to wander around the class at various times, not wanting to sit in his seat. His first grade teacher happened to be a lot younger than his kindergarten teacher. In fact, she was only a year older than me, having attended the same high school I had so I knew her experience with dealing with difficult children was low. I started getting calls right away that he wasn't wanting to listen in class, that he had broken all of another child's crayons or tore up a girl's pencil grip, or that he would sit on the floor and refuse to do his work or tests. She also told me that the only way she could get through the day with him was to have him sit beside her and work one on one with him and for me, getting him to do his homework at home was like pulling teeth. This is when others started getting involved. The principal, the school therapist, and his former kindergarten teacher. They were all pressing me to label my kid as autistic so they could put him in special class and be done with it. Even my mom, who I've never had an ideal relationship with anyway, turned on me.

    This is when I decided that enough was enough. At the end of the year, we were not returning to that school and if a private school had pushed me that much, a public school would be worse. I had already done enough research over the school year to know that homeschooling was our best bet. If he would not work in a classroom setting, one one one was the only option I saw that would work. This past summer, at home, things started sliding down hill further. His behavior was out of control. If I tried to get him to listen I was met with him jumping from couch to couch to get away from me and to not have to do what he was told. He would fly off the couch and tear into his bedroom and start screaming so loud I thought the neighbors were going to call the police. Once he realized that this got me to leave him alone, he would do it and sometimes even randomly, for no reason at all. He began to like screaming.

    Screaming was only the tip of the iceberg. I could not leave him alone to watch a movie and do things around the house. If I did, I'd come back to find things destroyed. Book covers removed, jewelry missing, and forget about things I bought for him for when he was acting good, he would get into those the second I wasn't looking. He also started going into the fridge by himself. Again, telling him no resulted in a high-pitched, ear piercing scream. If I walked over to remove him from the room he would cling to whatever was closest and I would have to pull him off it and drag him over to the couch which he would then jump on no matter what we said. He jumped on it so much that the inner springs from the reclining mechanism have bottomed out and now scrape on our wooden floors.

    Threats no longer work, rewarding him for good behavior doesn't work because he's not swayed by the reward, spanking is never something I was a fan of but even after trying that, it does not work, taking things away doesn't work. He's resilient! If I take away the TV or all of his toys, he cries for a day or two and begs for these things back but after that, he's no longer interested and the punishment stops working. He's learned to wait it out. I have been told by my mom and other family members that taking these things away for too long is cruel and that as a child, he has to have "something to do" so most of the time I cave after a week and he gets them back.

    Things started to hit rock bottom a couple months ago right as we were gearing up to start homeschooling early. This is when the threats of violence started. He began telling me he was going to hit me or kill me or that he hated me and wanted me to go away and die. If I try to get him to sit down in his seat, he bounces around and will not focus. It's like he's off in his own little world. If I try to get him to engage, he starts sticking his tongue out and putting his finger in my face and telling me he's not going to do it. He'll scoot his chair back and put his legs up so I can't push him in to the table. I have been able to get through some lessons but certain things leave us both in tears by the end of the day.

    I finally decided to contact his PCP and see about having a behavioral assessment. She told me based on my answers it sounds like he has ODD and ADD. My first thoughts were that he had ADHD because of how bouncy he is and that he always seems to be "on the go". She told me that he's so shy in her office that she doesn't see it. I tried to explain to her that he's always been like that with strangers but with people he sees every day, he's very hyperactive. She referred me to a child therapist that works part time out of her office. I scheduled an appointment and had my first meeting with him last Tuesday to discuss my difficult child. He told me based off what I am saying and the assessment, he also thinks it's ODD and ADD and wants to also screen him for autism because of the fact that he still walks on his tiptoes. I don't want to put my child on any medication yet, as I am wary of those kinds of things, especially for children but he's going to look at behavioral therapy and see if that will work. I see him again tomorrow but I am at my wits end here. I am ready to throw in the towel with my difficult child. I feel like a failure of a parent and I am not sure what else I can do for him at this point.

    It has our family in shambles. My mom (who I live with) has to leave the house for hours at a time because she can't stand being around him. She's even threatened throwing us out because of it. I have no current job because, among other reasons, I spend all my time homeschooling my son. My SO, "The Bear", was so supportive for the first 2 years we were together but over the past couple months he seems to be tired of hearing me talk about my woes when it comes to my difficult child. He says it's all I talk about and he doesn't have the answers for me anymore than I do.

    I just don't know what to do. I don't want to have to wash my hands of my child but my life is falling apart because of it. Some days I just feel like walking out the door and never looking back. I know I won't do that, but unless we find a solution to the problem, I am afraid of how this will destroy our family, his life and my life.
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2011
  2. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Reading your post I have to say autism is the first thing that stands out to me, too. The older they are, the more they learn to cope or instead act out as a method of coping, the less easy it is to say Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). The more obvious, low functioning cases are often diagnosis'd before the age of 2, the higher functioning ones often manage to get by for quite a while (and often with wrong or at least incomplete diagnosis's in the meantime).

    A few things to do: get a referral to a neuropsychologist for a full evaluation to nail down exactly what you're dealing with. This may be one diagnosis or several co-morbid diagnosis's. Get allergy testing done, too - it is possible as a cause or contributor for some of the behavioral issues. Gluten issues are the most common you see show up this way, but through trial and error what I have learned from Kiddo is that she is sensitive to something in processed meats and her behavior is worse when she has them. For others it might be artificial dyes, sweeteners, etc. Keeping a diary of foods/moods/allergens/social situations/weather/moon phases (don't laugh) can really prove useful in figuring out some triggers and avoiding them.

    Get on the school district about getting him an IEP if he doesn't have one. Push for it and find an advocate for him. Any professionals you drag on board and get to attend the meetings with you on his behalf is more help.

    There are a number of book threads on here that might list something useful to you. Most of us start with The Explosive Child by Ross Green. From whichever books you choose, take what works for your situation and don't sweat the stuff that doesn't work. Sometimes it's not right for their age/development/situation and might be useful later, and sometimes it won't, but anything you find that does work is worth using. Same thing goes for our advice - take what is useful for your situation, not everything is right for every kid or family.

    The ODD behavior may be nothing more than his frustration - and if you can help him with those frustrations, the behavior issues can downgrade, too. Hang in there, you're not a failure! You haven't given up on him or yourself, if you had you wouldn't be here looking for help. Nailing down what his exact issues are will give you a starting roadmap in how to help him, but it is a journey and we'll be here for you along the bumpy and clear stretches.
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    {{{Doll}}}, welcome. I'm so sorry that life's circumstances have brought you here, but you are not alone anymore. My gut instinct is that there is some sort disorder affecting your son, but I'm just a parent and not qualified to diagnose. The toe walking and high pitched screaming are certainly red flags for autism, as is locking in on one toy and the classroom wandering. Has he had any speech issues? How about his sleep? Does he eat a varied diet? Does he have any friends (not just getting along with other kids, but friends)? I know it's difficult to label your child but that is often the first step toward learning the most effective way to parent our difficult children.
  4. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The others have covered most of the bases... so I'll just add these...

    1) Understanding exactly what you are dealing with is the first step. Whatever the label, or labels for there are often more than one, this is what will drive the complete treatment plan. But be prepared... it is difficult to diagnosis kids for most things, this young (Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) is one of the exceptions, because it shows up before age 3). SO... the diagnosis you get now may be inaccurate or incomplete - the wrong diagnosis, or "a" correct diagnosis but there is more going on.

    2) Once you have the dxes, you can look at accommodations, interventions and medications.
    a) accommodations are things like... having a "safe place" to go when stressed out, or special pencil grips to make writing easier, or a computer instead of writing
    b) interventions are things like Occupational Therapist (OT), PT, Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) therapy, etc. - professionals working directly with your child to help them learn certain skills etc.
    c) medications - when they are young, it is tricky to find ones where the benefits exceed the side-effects. But do not automatically write medications off. For many of us, they make the difference between functioning reasonably well and not functioning at all (I'm ADHD and on medications). It takes time and trials to find the right medication or right combination, at the right dose, given at the right time... and then the kids grow, and their body chemistry changes, and we have to start over on the whole medications thing. That doesn't mean medications don't work... just that, they are a tool, and you have to be on top of it.

    Welcome. We're mostly all parents here - different experiences, but combined, there isn't a whole lot we haven't seen. We tell what we know. As an earlier poster said... take what fits, and then keep looking for answers.
  5. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    I was also thinking somewhere on the autism spectrum. You really need to get him evaluated by a neuropsychologist or if nothing else, a CHILD Psychiatrist. As the others have said, you need to know what you are dealing with in order to help him effectively. My son was MISdiagnosed with ODD and I can't begin to tell you the damage that was done by dealing with his behaviors as "intentional and purposeful" needing a heavy hand instead of the extra teaching and explanations, etc that he needs because of his Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis.

    Many {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} to all of you. Welcome to our little corner of the world. You will find amazing support and experienced advice here. These parents have been my sanity, literally. I was where you are and I want you to know that these Wise Warriors will help you get out of that place. They did me (and my difficult child)!!
  6. doll

    doll New Member

    HaoZi: I will definitely write these things down (the neuropsychologist and allergy testing) when I see his P-DR tomorrow. In regards to getting on the school district about IEP, I am pretty sure they don't have that kind of assistance for students that are homeschooled, but I will have to check into it again. I put The Explosive Child on hold at my local library and I am eagerly waiting it's arrival. LOL Thanks for the advice, I know it's a ongoing journey that we'll have to deal with for the rest of his life, but I am glad to know there are support systems out there to vent it out and share advice and tips.

    tiredmommy: Thanks. Actually, he was in a speech program when he was in school but he speech has greatly improved, so it wasn't one of my considerations when pulling him out. They even had a hard time working with him because of his behavior. Really, this school was practically telling me to take my child and go. He doesn't like to go to bed until late. It's a chore to get him to even stay in his room. He's always wandering out with just, "one more thing" to tell or show me. Most nights it's just a matter of walking him back in the bedroom but sometimes it's a screaming match. Lately I've been able to get him to sleep by 9-10, but there are nights he's up until 11:30-12. Whatever time he goes to bed, he usually wakes up between 8-9. His diet is extremely varied. This is because I live with my mother and whatever she buys, ie. snack foods, junk food, take out he has some of. He has no diet restrictions as far as the types of foods he consumes. It's really hard to get him to eat what's in front of him during mealtime. He likes to skimp on his breakfast and then snack an hour later and lunch is usually a no-go. Even at school, his lunch box would come back mostly full. Dinner is tricky but he usually eats most of it. He likes to sneak off into the kitchen when no one is looking at grab a pudding cup or a fruit cup (or two). When it comes to friends, he doesn't have any at all. This really doesn't have anything to do with his social skills because like I said, kids love him. He always had little girls hanging all over him and little boys wanting to play with him but he never really saw them outside of school and then there is the fact that we live in an area where there aren't a lot of kids around and the ones that are, are the kinds that I wouldn't let my child play with (we live in a rough area and these kids are bullies who've destroyed property and steal from neighbors yards). However, he starts skating lessons and youth hockey this fall/winter and I am hoping he'll make a couple friends.

    InsaneCdn: Thank you. I am glad to have all these guides to show me the steps I am going to need to take to get my child on the right path here. For me, the medication thing is really just about my son being so young, his body still growing and also the things I've read concerning the side effects as well as reports of some children dying while being on them. It's not that I am trying to be paranoid, I just want to try all other avenues before putting my child on something that may potentially do more harm than good. I think once I have more information on what we are dealing with, it may be easier to see where medications might be the right answer to one of the problems.

  7. doll

    doll New Member

    TeDo: When I discussed all of the things going on at home with the P-DR and mentioned the walking on tiptoes and holding on to one specific toy in class (he's stopped doing it at home but I felt it was something that should be mentioned), the P-DR did recommend us looking into autism. He actually told me he worked with the Cleveland Clinic Center for Autism, so the fact that I brought it to his attention, I am sure it will be something he's going to look into on top of the other things he mentioned. I just want to get to the bottom of this. Tomorrow is another day at the P-DR's office. One more step in the right direction (hopefully). *hugs* Thank you so much for your guidance in this. It helps to know I have the support of many people that are dealing with something similar to what I am going through.
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    One more...

    Sleep is a critical factor for many difficult child kids.

    It really has at least three components (the more I learn about this, the more complex it is... !)
    - quantity - this is the easiest to measure
    - quality - very hard to measure outside of a sleep clinic, and they probably won't test someone so young - but its critical... right balance of REM sleep, etc. is necessary for mental, emotional and physical health.
    - consistency - bedtime and wake time need to be consistent. Like... 5 out of 7, same pattern... And any variations have to be within "reason". For an adult, that means no more than 90 minutes difference on bedtime or wake time. NO sleeping in until NOON!!! (and no all-nighters, either). If bedtime is usually 10, then is fine to go to bed as early as 8:30 if you're really tired, or stay up to 11:30 for a special event... but that is max, and should be "unusual"... a 30-60 minute variation is better... We let our kids sleep in by 1 hour on non-school days, for example.

    Its hard to get medical professionals to pay enough attention to this whole issue - but sleep issues can cause all sorts of problems - and definitely make most other issues worse.
  9. keista

    keista New Member

    Welcome to the board!

    First, ARE YOU CRAZY???? Sorry, I think more appropriate for me to say is YOU ARE ONE VERY BRAVE MOM to take on homeschooling a child who doing homework with, was like "pulling teeth". Honestly, I think this might be why he's suddenly become so oppositional. He needs/wants to be out in the world. All sorts of interesting things to see and explore "out there" Following that stranger? in my opinion it was sheer curiosity. Sounds like something son would have done. I started teaching about stranger danger at 2 before he was fully verbal, because I knew he would be the kind of kid to just wander off with someone.

    So, getting to that ODD diagnosis. Yeah, he might be displaying ODD symptoms NOW but that's simply because he's getting increasingly frustrated by a world he doesn't understand, and a world he doesn't naturally fit into. ODD is the RESULT of whatever else is going on with him.

    I too see Autism Spectrum in your description. I also see a naturally charming kid. Despite his issues, the teachers and other students seem to be fond of him. This is a huge plus. My son has this gift as well.

    As far as ADHD, to the best of my knowledge, hyperactivity is not selective of who it manifests itself in front of. It's an equal opportunity disorder. I could be wrong on this one, but that is the scope of my knowledge. AND ADD and ADHD traits are VERY common on the Autism Spectrum. They can be co morbid disorders, or just traits.

    Welcome again. :notalone:
  10. doll

    doll New Member

    InsaneCdn: This is definitely something to consider. It does seem like when I have him going to bed around the same time and waking up around the same time, the day isn't a total disaster. It's the nights I have to fight him to sleep and the next day when I have to drag him out of bed that it's like nuclear meltdown.

    keista: Haha! Not crazy (although I'm beginning to wonder if maybe .. possibly .. nah! Just brave!) It just got to the point that despite the fact that he's charming and the teachers love him, his last teacher was so young and so inexperienced that she pretty much made it sound like he's unmanageable in class and it will only get worse. The only time she was able to get him to sit in a seat and do the work is if she sat next to him. I noticed that at home, if I left him to do his homework by himself at the table, he'd end up doing something else or just staring off into space but if I sat next to him, as hard as it was to get him to focus and not fight me, he got it done and correctly. He knew the answers to most things, he just needed someone there to push him to do it. That's why homeschooling has been the best option so far.

    I really don't know why he wandered out of the classroom or what made him think it was OK. We'd taught him about stranger danger too but he just doesn't seem to be able to pick up on cues from the other students in class that are sitting in their seat and staying in the room. It was actually another student that noticed he was missing and not the teacher.

    I think that he's definitely an antsy pantsy about getting out and exploring the world and homeschooling does limit some of that but we make sure that he has time to play and we take him out into nature daily and let him explore. He likes to go to the Metro Parks here and go for walks with me and my mom. He gets to look at (not collect and bring home because mommy would have a cow) bugs and also leafs and rocks and next week he starts skating lessons and after that youth hockey so I am hoping he'll get more of that age level interaction because he is sorely lacking in that since first grade ended.

    The more and more I am reading the responses about the autism, the more and more I am going to press the P-DR about looking into this! Thank you for your response. I'm glad to know I'm not alone.
  11. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Keista, there has only ever been one diagnosis that has been placed in the ring for my son - ADHD - by professionals and his hyperactivity is completely selective of who and when it manifests in front of. For a while, that is. I have seen him be either ultra-hyperactive or ultra still and "good" when he meets someone for the first time (more frequently the former). He is also not hyperactive during class when he apparently sits like all the other kids for up to an hour and does "work". He is not autistic, unless you take ADHD to be a part of autism, as some people do.
    Interestingly, I have read several times, in different places, that walking on one's toes is a sign of ADHD...
    All of which just goes to confirm what we are all saying - doll has to see professionals to get an accurate diagnosis. :)
  12. keista

    keista New Member

    I stand corrected.

    The walking on one's toes is just a "flag" It can indicate any number of things including a short Achilles tendon. My cousin (now 36) still walks on his toes. He hates change. Other than those two things, he doesn't have (never had) any Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) or ADHD traits. BUT the change thing is a significant issue for him. So much so that we thought he'd never get out of college. Got his advanced degrees at the same school he got his undergrad degrees at. Certainly not unheard of, but not all that common either.
  13. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm sure that's right. I just did a quick internet search to make sure that I hadn't made it up about the ADHD and toe walking and found lots of references to it also as a sensory problem - that accompanies autism, ADHD and probably other things too. Where is your cousin now - teaching at the same university? :)
  14. keista

    keista New Member

    Shockingly, no. He's on his second job. Taught for a few years and just got a job as an assistant principal back in June. He's now got a wife to help him through changes. Hopefully there will be diapers to change soon!
  15. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I have to go to work so I didn't have time to read the other responses, however I think that "auatism" is in the right direction. He is higher functioning, like my son, but he sure sounds like he is somewhere on the spectrum to me. It's not the end of the world and basically requires a lot of early intervention, which he didn't get and should get now (if that's what is going on). The best t hing to do is to take him to a neuropsychologist for a total evaluation.

    It is common for Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) kids to toe walk. My son did this for a long time. My son is also, even at age eighteen, shy to tears with people he doesn't know. He will look down and no t speak if in a crowded room of strangers. Once he knows people and feels "safe" he will often allow others to engage him. As for sleep, he didn't sleep for two years (we adopted him at age two) so WE didn't sleep either! Also common on the spectrum. He still wakes up very early, but he does sleep without medication. Honestly, he is doing very well considering he started out a little boy who raged and needed help with speech (his speech is good now, but early speech problems are another big symptom).

    He was not correctly diagnosed until age 11. As they get older, with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), it becomes more obvious. The differences become more apparent. My son was quite popular in the early grades because he liked to run around and the other kids liked to run with him. PLus he laughed a lot and was a genuinely nice boy. He still is.

    Although he did not get an early diagnosis (his first one being ADHD/ODD), he did get tons of early intervention and I feel this has helped him a lot!!! There is no advantage to "seeing if it goes away." It is best to get help as early as you see a problem. (((Hugs))). Talk to you more later on.
  16. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Hi there and welcome!!!

    I have to admit, when I read your original post, I could see Autism Spectrum, too. Possibly Sensory Integration issues, and an ADHD diagnosis does go hand in hand with this stuff. It's not always ADHD. But - it could be.

    I read it that he has problems transitioning, which is a huge battle. Being told "no" is a transition... From "I want I'm gonna get yes yes yes" to suddenly "NO?!" Homeschooling may or may not help with this... And to me, you are either a saint/angel or totally nuts to attempt it. (I'm leaning towards saint, though.)

    As for "whatever your mom buys" food-wise... If she has to leave the house "for hours", wouldn't she be willing to change a few small things for peace?! If there's no pudding/fruit cups, no chips, etc., but he has free access to carrot & celery sticks... Sugar isn't a cause of ADHD like they used to think, but his poor teeth & digestive tract...

    Something else to check... If something he's being fed is bothering him texture-wise, he's not going to want to eat it. For instance... My son will NOT eat lumpy mashed potatoes. I make mine from scratch, so there are ALWAYS lumps. I let him push the lumps aside, then squash them with his fork. He also won't eat grits or oatmeal for the same reason. He loves sheets of seaweed, but anything else that tastes fishy is "nasty". Spicy is out of the question (I miss real chili!). He likes ice cream - but if you put any toppings on it, he won't eat the "slimy" (whipped cream is OK).

    And... If something is bothering him... J is somewhat lactose-intolerant, so the gas brought on by milk hurt (and got him teased). Switched to 1% at home and the problem is much less. Hard cheeses and yogurt help, too.

    Now - J has been diagnosis'd Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), but... His behavior evinces thoughts of Aspergers. in my opinion... Your son may be somewhere on the spectrum... And ADHD may or may not be part of it.
  17. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Yep. Autism. Tiptoes, screaming, ADHD, it's all there.
    There is no way in %*#*# I would homeschool my son. We would both be in the loony bin. You are brave. But ... you may want to consider either a special school (depending upon where he is on the spectrum; all autistic kids are NOT alike, as you will learn), or public school. My husband and I were dead set against public school for numerous reaons, but eventually, difficult child became more of a square peg in a round hole and we had no choice.
    Public school is the BEST thing we have ever done. I wish we had done it sooner. First, there are so many different kids, that you have to work really, really hard to stand out, versus private school, where one hair out of place is noticeable. Second, there are more teachers in the public schools (depending upon which part of the country, which state, etc) who are trained specifically to deal with-"problem" children, and third, there are more teachers who are aware of autism, Asperger's, anxiety issues, etc. and they are used to written accommodations, such as 504s and IEPs.
    Yes, I still have to communicate 24/7 with-the teachers, and drive over there a lot, but it's nothing like the stress I had with-private school breathing down our necks. I really feel like we're working with-a team.

    In regard to the screaming, my son outgrew it around age 8. It was so hard! I tried numerous things ... turning my back and walking away, whispering ... I honestly don't remember what worked, or whether he truly outgrew it. I just remember waking up one day and my ears weren't ringing.

    Again, welcome. You've come to the right place! :mornincoffee:
  18. doll

    doll New Member

    Thanks to everyone for all your support and kind words.

    TerryJ2: It is daunting but I am not going to give up. I don't agree with a lot of what is going on in schools today (for political reasons) and although I am sure there are lots of teachers that are specialists in dealing with children that have autism, it's not something I am ready to put him into yet, if at all.

    The child therapist I am going to has suggested that autism is the most likely disorder but has said that if homeschooling is what I choose to do, he's more than willing to work with me on ways to teach my difficult child rather than have me throw in the towel before we've barely begun.

    I really do hope he grows out of the screaming like your son did. It's starting to make me worry that my neighbors are one scream away from calling the police and that's just one more thing I wouldn't need.

    Again, thank you for your kind words and advice. I really do appreciate it! :)
  19. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree with the other suggestions...particularly the neuro/psychiatric evaluation. Reading your posts I hear alot of fear in your communication. Most of us have experienced that and often times it is hardest with a young child and a single parent. Fearing that difficult child problems are due to parenting is very common. It also is extremely rare for parenting style to manifest in difficult child symptoms. Really! I encourage you to force yourself to move forward in identifying his problems now while he is still young. The longer you wait the more negative behavior patterns can get set as a lifestyle. Convince yourself that it does not matter what possible disorder he may have...what matters is getting the professional guidance that is needed to help him. Mother Teresa herself could not cure disorders alone. Your son deserves the best medical evaluations and possible diagnosis's available. Don't stay away from the help he needs. Nobody is going to force you medicate...or anything else for that matter. on the other hand once you know that the best trained people believe he needs x,y or z help they will explain why and answer any questions you have. Pediatricians can not do the evaluations because they are not trained to do so. A good one, however, helps you find the right people to provide help for him...and for you.

    I hope my post is not offensive to you. I've raised three difficult children and each one had different issues that could not be solved by good parenting. It's normal to worry but I assure you that the sooner you "know" exactly what he is dealing with the sooner both of you will have a happier life. Sending caring and understanding hugs. DDD
  20. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    Hi, I homeschool 3 of my kids; difficult child 2, difficult child 3, and easy child 1. difficult child 1 goes to public school. I also have a sp ed teaching degree. I did try homeschooling difficult child 1 in kindergarten. I knew with his problems learning to read was going to be hard for him. I taught him to read and it almost drove us both crazy. Day long rages over picking up his pencil. He couldn't transition between my roles as Mama and teacher. He also behaves much better for other people than for me. First grade he was in public school. He has had great teachers. He does still have problems and I do have lots of contact with his teachers. I hope homeschooling goes well for you. Oh, it depends on the state you are in (and sometimes the district and principal) but my homeschooled kids still have speech therapy in the public school. Last year they had Occupational Therapist (OT) as well. You can have an IEP and homeschool.