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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 604377" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi and welcome to the board. You may want to post in substance abuse because clearly that is your son's problem. ODD is kind of an unhelpful diagnosis (in the opinion of most on the board) that is usually given to small children who are defiant when a therapist doesn't know why. Your son is way beyond ODD. He's using drugs and drinking and swimming at the same time. He could be killed or one of his friends who is high could be killed. I'd shut down that pool for now. </p><p></p><p>Can you give us some background info on your son? Infancy? Toddlerhood? School years? When you noticed he was becoming a problem? Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist or a psychiatrist (the guy with the MD!!!) <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I'd be thinking of telling him that once he turnes eighteen if he doesn't agree to psychiatric help and substance abuse counseling that he may find himself trudging down the street with a backpack and some clothes. Call the cops if you see any drugs in your home even if they are stashed under his mattress. Check his room. Check Facebook. Check his cell. He has no privacy rights if he is breaking the law and self-destructing...you need to know the truth.</p><p></p><p>As for your husband, his response was immature. I think family counseling could at least help your husband, who probably realizes he doesn't know how to react appropriately. Is this your boy's father? If not, where is his father? Will he help out? Is the boy respectful of any adult who can talk to him? Will he go to therapy with everybody?</p><p></p><p>You need to be very nice to yourself and learn to detach from the craziness in your life. One helpful resource is narc-anon or Al-Anon. You CAN have a fruitful, fun, rich, fulfilling life even while your loved ones make poor choices. It's important for you to stay healthy in body and mind and I really think Al-Anon is good for that. YOu don't have to be religious to join. Some use religion, some just relish the helpful messages and learn not to be codependent and to love ourselves.</p><p></p><p>I consider drug and alcohol abuse serious. If this were my kid, his money supply, cell phone and the internet would be gone from his life for a long time as well as the family car. I saw what drugs did to my daughter and it can really get scary and some kids don't outgrow it. This is the time to use tough love. It's your last chance before he is legal and will claim that you can't stop him from doing anything. That isn't true, of course, as long as you live with him and support him, but he will tell you that and you will have to figure out how you are going to handle that.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to our corner of the world. We understand and we want to help. Keep posting. We are here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 604377, member: 1550"] Hi and welcome to the board. You may want to post in substance abuse because clearly that is your son's problem. ODD is kind of an unhelpful diagnosis (in the opinion of most on the board) that is usually given to small children who are defiant when a therapist doesn't know why. Your son is way beyond ODD. He's using drugs and drinking and swimming at the same time. He could be killed or one of his friends who is high could be killed. I'd shut down that pool for now. Can you give us some background info on your son? Infancy? Toddlerhood? School years? When you noticed he was becoming a problem? Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist or a psychiatrist (the guy with the MD!!!) :) I'd be thinking of telling him that once he turnes eighteen if he doesn't agree to psychiatric help and substance abuse counseling that he may find himself trudging down the street with a backpack and some clothes. Call the cops if you see any drugs in your home even if they are stashed under his mattress. Check his room. Check Facebook. Check his cell. He has no privacy rights if he is breaking the law and self-destructing...you need to know the truth. As for your husband, his response was immature. I think family counseling could at least help your husband, who probably realizes he doesn't know how to react appropriately. Is this your boy's father? If not, where is his father? Will he help out? Is the boy respectful of any adult who can talk to him? Will he go to therapy with everybody? You need to be very nice to yourself and learn to detach from the craziness in your life. One helpful resource is narc-anon or Al-Anon. You CAN have a fruitful, fun, rich, fulfilling life even while your loved ones make poor choices. It's important for you to stay healthy in body and mind and I really think Al-Anon is good for that. YOu don't have to be religious to join. Some use religion, some just relish the helpful messages and learn not to be codependent and to love ourselves. I consider drug and alcohol abuse serious. If this were my kid, his money supply, cell phone and the internet would be gone from his life for a long time as well as the family car. I saw what drugs did to my daughter and it can really get scary and some kids don't outgrow it. This is the time to use tough love. It's your last chance before he is legal and will claim that you can't stop him from doing anything. That isn't true, of course, as long as you live with him and support him, but he will tell you that and you will have to figure out how you are going to handle that. Welcome to our corner of the world. We understand and we want to help. Keep posting. We are here. [/QUOTE]
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