Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New to the forum, new to this life....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 28994" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>re: <em>...Learn how to not enable and become strong against his manipulations. I was such an enabling person and my son used to be the master of manipulation when it came to me, but through much practice I have learned how to not enable and to detatch with love...</em></p><p></p><p>Hard to do. How do you do it? And I had to grin at your comment about not thinking he would ever tie his own shoes. That's us, both me and wife. We were the same way with our difficult child (all our kids, in fact), doing everything for them. The only difference is that <u>suddenly</u> ended for them when wife had to take a job. Suddenly, we moved; suddenly, Mom wasn't there every minute helping out and guiding; suddenly, all your friends are gone, and new culture is foreign and you don't fit in. </p><p></p><p>Okay, time to get off the guilt train....</p><p></p><p>We've pulled back on some things, given in on others, but from where I sit the landscape looks like this: we've peeled away all the layers of the relationship between difficult child and ourselves, and have left only the bare essentials in place. I had hoped to start rebuilding on top of what was left. Truth be told, most of what was pulled away was probably false, anyway. But what's left, small as it may be, is what I most value.</p><p></p><p>And he knows that. And he knows just what string to tug, and how hard to tug, to get exactly what he wants. wife and I were just talking about the fact this week (spring break), he's probably going to stay away as much as he possibly can. We don't <em>think</em> he's doing anything harmful, since he's less than a week away from dying in the ER. But we don't know for certain.</p><p></p><p>Detachment with love would be nice. difficult child knows that he doesn't have to actually "do" anything to get to us. The sheer fact that he won't tell us whether he's doing anything harmful is enough to hurt us; he doesn't actually have to do anything to pull that heartstring.</p><p></p><p>Someone told me to research detachment on this site. Can you (or someone) help out and point me in the right direction?</p><p></p><p>Thanks a bunch,</p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 28994, member: 3579"] re: [i]...Learn how to not enable and become strong against his manipulations. I was such an enabling person and my son used to be the master of manipulation when it came to me, but through much practice I have learned how to not enable and to detatch with love...[/i] Hard to do. How do you do it? And I had to grin at your comment about not thinking he would ever tie his own shoes. That's us, both me and wife. We were the same way with our difficult child (all our kids, in fact), doing everything for them. The only difference is that <u>suddenly</u> ended for them when wife had to take a job. Suddenly, we moved; suddenly, Mom wasn't there every minute helping out and guiding; suddenly, all your friends are gone, and new culture is foreign and you don't fit in. Okay, time to get off the guilt train.... We've pulled back on some things, given in on others, but from where I sit the landscape looks like this: we've peeled away all the layers of the relationship between difficult child and ourselves, and have left only the bare essentials in place. I had hoped to start rebuilding on top of what was left. Truth be told, most of what was pulled away was probably false, anyway. But what's left, small as it may be, is what I most value. And he knows that. And he knows just what string to tug, and how hard to tug, to get exactly what he wants. wife and I were just talking about the fact this week (spring break), he's probably going to stay away as much as he possibly can. We don't [i]think[/i] he's doing anything harmful, since he's less than a week away from dying in the ER. But we don't know for certain. Detachment with love would be nice. difficult child knows that he doesn't have to actually "do" anything to get to us. The sheer fact that he won't tell us whether he's doing anything harmful is enough to hurt us; he doesn't actually have to do anything to pull that heartstring. Someone told me to research detachment on this site. Can you (or someone) help out and point me in the right direction? Thanks a bunch, Mikey [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New to the forum, new to this life....
Top