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<blockquote data-quote="mom_in_training" data-source="post: 29132" data-attributes="member: 2727"><p>Mikey, No you are not stupid nor are you deluded you are a parent on a mission to save your difficult child and being the loving parent that you need to be. My difficult child obviously lost her desire to continue her education but that was the agreement and for whatever reason she chose to go the other way. Your difficult child is showing progress and has the desire (His choice) to be responsible by not only going to school but holding a job and paying his car note and ins all by choice. As far as trying to preserve a relationship with you? I see that as being typical behavior at least from what I have experienced, My difficult child will be an angel for anybody else but when it comes to Mom, Not going to happen unless of course she wants something lol. I am not saying that just because they are a teen that it justifies bad choices, Attitude or bad behavior towards you as the parent or anybody else for that matter. I saw this in my difficult child and as any parent it is my desire to have respect from her or anybody else. I would never allow a stranger to disrespect me in my own home and never could see me allowing her to get away with it because of who she is (My daughter). Many on the board have been in your shoes and it is scarey to say the least not knowing what choices your young teen or young adult will be making for now or in their future. We as parents do not raise up our kiddos to become addicted to drugs or alcohol but sadly sometimes this is the path that they choose and it is us parents that will do everything in our power to pull them back and go into what I call save mode by providing the much needed counceling or program that will hopefully turn things around. In 2005 I was grasping at anything I could find to aid in turning my difficult child around, Some worked, Some did not. But we all know that it takes a willing participant to grasp onto the tools that are given to them to even make a difference for themselves. My difficult child was doing well for a long time but when it comes down to it all it takes is for them to get with the wrong crowd and unfortunately in my difficult children case she wanted to be a part. Please don't let this discourage you though. Your difficult child is making the willing effort and that is awesome but it does not excuse how he treats you as his parent. Believe me when I say I understand your fears of letting go to soon or giving the boot. It took a long time for me to finally go through with it and it is the fear of their safety and well being that drives us parents up the wall. Its allot to deal with mentally (The unknown) especially when it comes to our own children. Although my situation might seem worse then what your dealing with at the moment does not alleviate the seriousness of your situation. I am just in a different place is all with my difficult child. I am sure you have heard many say "Children do not come with instructions" Although we all wish they did Lol!! I am still learning myself (Mom_in_training)Our kids are great at throwing us through hoops while we just stand back thinking " Oh god, What do I do now" Lol!! We are all in training when it comes to our kids (Teens) and do get it eventually. Hang in there Mikey, Your doing what any loving and caring parent should be doing. I would definitely recommend that you keep up with the drug testing and let your difficult child know that drugs are illegal and you would not hesitate to call the police if you ever found drugs in your home, Some here have gone as far as searching their difficult children opon arriving home. I know this sounds harsh but you cannot allow your difficult child to have the control or the comforts of home when he is choosing illegal activities if he does. Please don't be offended when I say this but it does seem that you are kind of walking on egg shells in your own home, please correct me if I am wrong. I myself went through a phase when I blew off some things because I did not want to rock the boat when my difficult child was doing well but caught myself and opted to take my chance. Just because she was doing well in one area did not excuse her making no effort in other areas or coming home drunk. I put my foot down.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mom_in_training, post: 29132, member: 2727"] Mikey, No you are not stupid nor are you deluded you are a parent on a mission to save your difficult child and being the loving parent that you need to be. My difficult child obviously lost her desire to continue her education but that was the agreement and for whatever reason she chose to go the other way. Your difficult child is showing progress and has the desire (His choice) to be responsible by not only going to school but holding a job and paying his car note and ins all by choice. As far as trying to preserve a relationship with you? I see that as being typical behavior at least from what I have experienced, My difficult child will be an angel for anybody else but when it comes to Mom, Not going to happen unless of course she wants something lol. I am not saying that just because they are a teen that it justifies bad choices, Attitude or bad behavior towards you as the parent or anybody else for that matter. I saw this in my difficult child and as any parent it is my desire to have respect from her or anybody else. I would never allow a stranger to disrespect me in my own home and never could see me allowing her to get away with it because of who she is (My daughter). Many on the board have been in your shoes and it is scarey to say the least not knowing what choices your young teen or young adult will be making for now or in their future. We as parents do not raise up our kiddos to become addicted to drugs or alcohol but sadly sometimes this is the path that they choose and it is us parents that will do everything in our power to pull them back and go into what I call save mode by providing the much needed counceling or program that will hopefully turn things around. In 2005 I was grasping at anything I could find to aid in turning my difficult child around, Some worked, Some did not. But we all know that it takes a willing participant to grasp onto the tools that are given to them to even make a difference for themselves. My difficult child was doing well for a long time but when it comes down to it all it takes is for them to get with the wrong crowd and unfortunately in my difficult children case she wanted to be a part. Please don't let this discourage you though. Your difficult child is making the willing effort and that is awesome but it does not excuse how he treats you as his parent. Believe me when I say I understand your fears of letting go to soon or giving the boot. It took a long time for me to finally go through with it and it is the fear of their safety and well being that drives us parents up the wall. Its allot to deal with mentally (The unknown) especially when it comes to our own children. Although my situation might seem worse then what your dealing with at the moment does not alleviate the seriousness of your situation. I am just in a different place is all with my difficult child. I am sure you have heard many say "Children do not come with instructions" Although we all wish they did Lol!! I am still learning myself (Mom_in_training)Our kids are great at throwing us through hoops while we just stand back thinking " Oh god, What do I do now" Lol!! We are all in training when it comes to our kids (Teens) and do get it eventually. Hang in there Mikey, Your doing what any loving and caring parent should be doing. I would definitely recommend that you keep up with the drug testing and let your difficult child know that drugs are illegal and you would not hesitate to call the police if you ever found drugs in your home, Some here have gone as far as searching their difficult children opon arriving home. I know this sounds harsh but you cannot allow your difficult child to have the control or the comforts of home when he is choosing illegal activities if he does. Please don't be offended when I say this but it does seem that you are kind of walking on egg shells in your own home, please correct me if I am wrong. I myself went through a phase when I blew off some things because I did not want to rock the boat when my difficult child was doing well but caught myself and opted to take my chance. Just because she was doing well in one area did not excuse her making no effort in other areas or coming home drunk. I put my foot down. [/QUOTE]
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