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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 29296" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Have to add a note here. In this arena of the CD family we do not all agree on methods etc. Many of us, like you and your wife,</p><p>make every effort to keep our difficult children in the safety of our home. Some difficult children are totally rude, verbally violent and some are actively stealing from the home or threatening to family members.</p><p>In our house we have had two instances of verbal rudeness and</p><p>no overt acts. In fact, it is an unusal day that we don't get</p><p>a spontaneous hug, quick kiss on the head or an affectionate statement or two.</p><p></p><p>on the other hand, we have a son who is an alcoholic and a pot smoker. We have a son who is not moving forward toward maturity. It is really important that we acknowledge the depth of the problem</p><p>and attempt to distance ourselves by detaching as best we can.</p><p></p><p>It's all so darn subjective but it is invaluable having the support of each other no matter what road we choose. Glad to</p><p>have you aboard. DDD</p><p> </div></div></p><p></p><p>Thanks DDD. I hope I don't come off as rude or dismissive of anyone kind enough to respond to my posts. It's just that I'm still in the early stages of this process. And one thing I haven't shared yet is that my son came forward o<em>n his own</em> to tell us what was happening. He's regretting that decision now, because the year that followed wasn't fun for anyone. </p><p></p><p>His doctor thinks that him making the first move, especially when we were completely oblivious, is a good sign. I hope he's right, and that inside difficult child really does want help, and wants to change. If I had to guess, I'd say he's too ingrained in the current stoner culture to let go easily; it's the only life he knows now, and his only friends (except for his easy child girlfriend) are all part of that culture.</p><p></p><p>I know others have been through darker times, and my heart breaks when I read some of the stories of other parents, and the decisions they've had to make. I won't minimize any of them, because "there but for the grace of God go I..", and I may yet end up sharing their pain.</p><p></p><p>For now, though, difficult child's therapist likens his treatment to trying to entice an abused dog out of the woods with food and kind words. Right now, difficult child is sniffing around, but won't come near if there's any "threat". Hopefully, he'll begin to learn that what he sees as threats may be something eles entirely.</p><p></p><p>Then again, maybe not, but for now I remain hopeful. I'm also glad to be here, appreciative of the company and support of everyone here, and hope that I can give back as much as I've already gotten in the few days since I joined.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 29296, member: 3579"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: DDD</div><div class="ubbcode-body">Have to add a note here. In this arena of the CD family we do not all agree on methods etc. Many of us, like you and your wife, make every effort to keep our difficult children in the safety of our home. Some difficult children are totally rude, verbally violent and some are actively stealing from the home or threatening to family members. In our house we have had two instances of verbal rudeness and no overt acts. In fact, it is an unusal day that we don't get a spontaneous hug, quick kiss on the head or an affectionate statement or two. on the other hand, we have a son who is an alcoholic and a pot smoker. We have a son who is not moving forward toward maturity. It is really important that we acknowledge the depth of the problem and attempt to distance ourselves by detaching as best we can. It's all so darn subjective but it is invaluable having the support of each other no matter what road we choose. Glad to have you aboard. DDD </div></div> Thanks DDD. I hope I don't come off as rude or dismissive of anyone kind enough to respond to my posts. It's just that I'm still in the early stages of this process. And one thing I haven't shared yet is that my son came forward o[i]n his own[/i] to tell us what was happening. He's regretting that decision now, because the year that followed wasn't fun for anyone. His doctor thinks that him making the first move, especially when we were completely oblivious, is a good sign. I hope he's right, and that inside difficult child really does want help, and wants to change. If I had to guess, I'd say he's too ingrained in the current stoner culture to let go easily; it's the only life he knows now, and his only friends (except for his easy child girlfriend) are all part of that culture. I know others have been through darker times, and my heart breaks when I read some of the stories of other parents, and the decisions they've had to make. I won't minimize any of them, because "there but for the grace of God go I..", and I may yet end up sharing their pain. For now, though, difficult child's therapist likens his treatment to trying to entice an abused dog out of the woods with food and kind words. Right now, difficult child is sniffing around, but won't come near if there's any "threat". Hopefully, he'll begin to learn that what he sees as threats may be something eles entirely. Then again, maybe not, but for now I remain hopeful. I'm also glad to be here, appreciative of the company and support of everyone here, and hope that I can give back as much as I've already gotten in the few days since I joined. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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