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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 141404" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Hi and welcome - glad you found us.</p><p> </p><p>Phew! Sounds like you've really been thru it with your oldest - I'm just so sorry. It's a bit Twilight Zone to have to go thru the kind of day you described. I'm just glad you all are okay.</p><p> </p><p>My son has been in RTCs for all but 6 months of the last 8 years. When he was younger, I hoped/thought the more therapeutic kind of setting would help him learn how to manage his emotions and reactions better. My thinking has changed a bit as he's gotten older. There's no question my son is mentally ill, but the vast majority of his violence is ... well, while it's related to his skewed thought processes, it's not a case of he doesn't know what he's doing. He needs to be held accountable. For years, I've pictured him flipping out in 7-11 some day because they don't have his brand of gum (or something equally ridiculous). His mental illness makes it difficult to deal with that frustration but at the end of the day, if he wants to live in a community, he needs to learn how to deal with it. If he doesn't, he cannot live in a community. Does that make sense? I'm fairly certain that the 7-11 staff or police are not going to "process" his "feelings" once he's done trashing the store, you know? <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p> </p><p>I guess my only question would be what are the consequences at this new facility? More chores, loss of privileges, that kind of thing I think is appropriate. I would want to make sure we're not talking corporal punishment or isolation.</p><p> </p><p>There are a wide variety of opinions on the board and obviously none of us have *the* answer. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /> I think I differ from some in that, while absolutely my son has a mental illness, I do not think that it means the world (and our family) has to accept unacceptable behavior. It's harder for my son to function and I'm heartbroken over that fact, but if he wants to have the privilege of living outside of institutions, there are simply some very basic rules he has to follow. No violence is of course the biggie. His choice, because he *can* control it.</p><p> </p><p>Anyway, just my opinion. I certainly don't think it's unreasonable to have more logical consequences start kicking for inappropriate behavior. Again - welcome and glad you found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 141404, member: 8"] Hi and welcome - glad you found us. Phew! Sounds like you've really been thru it with your oldest - I'm just so sorry. It's a bit Twilight Zone to have to go thru the kind of day you described. I'm just glad you all are okay. My son has been in RTCs for all but 6 months of the last 8 years. When he was younger, I hoped/thought the more therapeutic kind of setting would help him learn how to manage his emotions and reactions better. My thinking has changed a bit as he's gotten older. There's no question my son is mentally ill, but the vast majority of his violence is ... well, while it's related to his skewed thought processes, it's not a case of he doesn't know what he's doing. He needs to be held accountable. For years, I've pictured him flipping out in 7-11 some day because they don't have his brand of gum (or something equally ridiculous). His mental illness makes it difficult to deal with that frustration but at the end of the day, if he wants to live in a community, he needs to learn how to deal with it. If he doesn't, he cannot live in a community. Does that make sense? I'm fairly certain that the 7-11 staff or police are not going to "process" his "feelings" once he's done trashing the store, you know? ;) I guess my only question would be what are the consequences at this new facility? More chores, loss of privileges, that kind of thing I think is appropriate. I would want to make sure we're not talking corporal punishment or isolation. There are a wide variety of opinions on the board and obviously none of us have *the* answer. ;) I think I differ from some in that, while absolutely my son has a mental illness, I do not think that it means the world (and our family) has to accept unacceptable behavior. It's harder for my son to function and I'm heartbroken over that fact, but if he wants to have the privilege of living outside of institutions, there are simply some very basic rules he has to follow. No violence is of course the biggie. His choice, because he *can* control it. Anyway, just my opinion. I certainly don't think it's unreasonable to have more logical consequences start kicking for inappropriate behavior. Again - welcome and glad you found us. [/QUOTE]
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