Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
New to this forum but not the site
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 372586" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It IS hard to get both parents to the point that they will not allow their child to come over, regardless of how gfgish the child is. It seems like it takes a LONG time, a lot of work and gfgness to get both parents to that point. </p><p> </p><p>Does your pcgfg have a sturdy door and a good lock on it? She might feel much safer if difficult child was NEVER allowed into her private space and she could keep it locked up. Even if it was not locked, both you and husband need to make it VERY clear that difficult child is not to contact pcgfg or to enter her space or mess with her things. Of course if pcgfg leaves stuff out and difficult child touches/uses something with-o knowing it is pcgfgs, that is one thing. If/when (problem when because most difficult children will do everything they can to go somewhere they have been told not to go) difficult child goes into pcgfg's room, you and/or husband need to tell her FIRMLY and absolutely that one of the rules for visiting is to stay out of there whether it is locked or not, and that she MUST leave the house immediately. First frisk her to make sure she has not stolen anything of pcgfgs. I know my difficult child would have done ALL he could to get into the room and take or leave something to make Jess feel unsafe.</p><p> </p><p>Your goal is to provide an absolute safe place for pcgfg. Somewhere she can stay in if she is there when difficult child comes over and someplace she can KNOW that difficult child is NOT NOT NOT allowed to touch, enter, or have any impact on. A strong door with a deadbolt is a great idea. Of course you and husband need a key, it is your home and you NEED to have the right to search it at any time for any reason. Largely because of the difficult child part of pcgfg, but also because she is a minor and all minors need to know this can/will happen at any time. Pcgfg needs to be able to trust you and husband to keep her safe from difficult child, and until she has her own "gfgfree" space this will NOT happen.</p><p> </p><p>I hope this helps. So many of our pcs end up being sacrificed on the altar of our difficult children' illness and/or problems. At some point you have to stop it and refuse to sacrifice everyone else because no one benefits from the sacrifices, at least for the most part.</p><p> </p><p>It is wise to refuse to care for any more of her children. Don't be afraid to call social services if she keeps the child, or if you suspect substance or alcohol abuse during her pregnancy. Would she have the birth control implant put in if you paid her? Is it something you would be willing to do? One of my college friends had a twin sister who was a difficult child. When we met her sis had 2 kids that she refused to care for. No doctor would sterilize her or give her an IUD and medical problems made her unable to use the pill in any form. We caught up with each other a few years ago. She had 1 child of her own and 7 of her sister's kids to raise. Her mother was raising 3 others and various fathers and their families had a couple of others. All together the twin sis had given birth 18 times by age 30. MOST of the kids had problems due to fetal alcohol and drug exposure. FINALLY, after all of these kids were born, an OBGYN agreed to give her a tubal ligation at age 30. It had to be postponed at one point because she was not in a relationship and the doctor feared he would be sued if she got involved with someone who wanted kids with her!!! My friend's husband went to the OBGYN posing as her boyfriend to sign the paperwork as her boyfriend!! Even with ALL of those poor abused and neglected kids they had a tough time finding a doctor who would tie her tubes because she was "only" 30 years old!!</p><p> </p><p>If there is ANY way to get her doctor to agree to tie her tubes or implant a long-term form of birth control (longer than the 3 month shot, which would be continual drama each time it was due), it might be worth it. </p><p> </p><p>Hopefully the father's family will provide a loving home to difficult child's child, and that it will be born with-o any problems that could have been prevented, or any problems at all, of course.</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 372586, member: 1233"] It IS hard to get both parents to the point that they will not allow their child to come over, regardless of how gfgish the child is. It seems like it takes a LONG time, a lot of work and gfgness to get both parents to that point. Does your pcgfg have a sturdy door and a good lock on it? She might feel much safer if difficult child was NEVER allowed into her private space and she could keep it locked up. Even if it was not locked, both you and husband need to make it VERY clear that difficult child is not to contact pcgfg or to enter her space or mess with her things. Of course if pcgfg leaves stuff out and difficult child touches/uses something with-o knowing it is pcgfgs, that is one thing. If/when (problem when because most difficult children will do everything they can to go somewhere they have been told not to go) difficult child goes into pcgfg's room, you and/or husband need to tell her FIRMLY and absolutely that one of the rules for visiting is to stay out of there whether it is locked or not, and that she MUST leave the house immediately. First frisk her to make sure she has not stolen anything of pcgfgs. I know my difficult child would have done ALL he could to get into the room and take or leave something to make Jess feel unsafe. Your goal is to provide an absolute safe place for pcgfg. Somewhere she can stay in if she is there when difficult child comes over and someplace she can KNOW that difficult child is NOT NOT NOT allowed to touch, enter, or have any impact on. A strong door with a deadbolt is a great idea. Of course you and husband need a key, it is your home and you NEED to have the right to search it at any time for any reason. Largely because of the difficult child part of pcgfg, but also because she is a minor and all minors need to know this can/will happen at any time. Pcgfg needs to be able to trust you and husband to keep her safe from difficult child, and until she has her own "gfgfree" space this will NOT happen. I hope this helps. So many of our pcs end up being sacrificed on the altar of our difficult children' illness and/or problems. At some point you have to stop it and refuse to sacrifice everyone else because no one benefits from the sacrifices, at least for the most part. It is wise to refuse to care for any more of her children. Don't be afraid to call social services if she keeps the child, or if you suspect substance or alcohol abuse during her pregnancy. Would she have the birth control implant put in if you paid her? Is it something you would be willing to do? One of my college friends had a twin sister who was a difficult child. When we met her sis had 2 kids that she refused to care for. No doctor would sterilize her or give her an IUD and medical problems made her unable to use the pill in any form. We caught up with each other a few years ago. She had 1 child of her own and 7 of her sister's kids to raise. Her mother was raising 3 others and various fathers and their families had a couple of others. All together the twin sis had given birth 18 times by age 30. MOST of the kids had problems due to fetal alcohol and drug exposure. FINALLY, after all of these kids were born, an OBGYN agreed to give her a tubal ligation at age 30. It had to be postponed at one point because she was not in a relationship and the doctor feared he would be sued if she got involved with someone who wanted kids with her!!! My friend's husband went to the OBGYN posing as her boyfriend to sign the paperwork as her boyfriend!! Even with ALL of those poor abused and neglected kids they had a tough time finding a doctor who would tie her tubes because she was "only" 30 years old!! If there is ANY way to get her doctor to agree to tie her tubes or implant a long-term form of birth control (longer than the 3 month shot, which would be continual drama each time it was due), it might be worth it. Hopefully the father's family will provide a loving home to difficult child's child, and that it will be born with-o any problems that could have been prevented, or any problems at all, of course. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
New to this forum but not the site
Top