new to this HELP!!!

[carrieann]

New to this sight but far from new to the frustration,pain,heartache,anger,confusion of a child with a mental disorder. My son was dignosed at 6 with ADHD and medicated. I thought oh thank God my son is back he could sit still, learn and be productive in his class. 8yrs later he has been thru probably 20meds, 10 different dignosis and many phycological test and i still have know idea how to help my son. Currently he is not on any medications, dr took him off concerta last month because as he has hit puberty we are dealing with other issues that do not seem to be ADHD. The most recent is ADHD, explosive temper disorder,depression and mood disorder.
Just like most of our evenings do today started out good. He's happy energetic (very) talktive, then i asked him to clean his room after the explostion from the last episode on friday. He avoided and avoided until pushed into a corner to do it then explodes! broken glass, broken closet and dent in my car from his fist! I called the police three hrs ago and still no show!!! But of course the episode is over he's laughing smiling like nothing ever happened. Talking to him tonight after he admitted that he doesn't remember a lot of it. He says he kind of blacks out. He has therapy once a week and i feel like we have tried everything.......What next do we just wait for the next explosion???? Help!!!

 

[tiredmommy]

Hello & welcome. So sorry you had to find us. Is your difficult child (the child that brought you here or "gift from God") on a mood stablizer? Also, has he ever been evaluated for seizures? Next time, try to have the video camera discreetly set up to record his rage... have the volume turned up so that he can be heard being destructive.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hello carrieann and welcome to our little corner of the cyber world - you've found a place where we understand!

Who has diagnosis'd your son with "ADHD, explosive temper disorder,depression and mood disorder?" If he's been diagnosis'd with a mood disorder, stims can certainly exacerbate the situation. Usually a mood stabilizer will be prescribed and, once his mood is stabilized, you can begin to treat other issues. The explosive temper disorder could have been, at least in part, a side effect of the stims. How old is your son? What kind of doctor has diagnosis'd him? How does he do in school?

It sounds like you have been through the ringer insofar as docs and diagnosis's, but perhaps you haven't hit on a doctor that understands how to treat these issues in pediatric patients. With all he has going on, a combo of medications, behavior mod, therapy, school supports, consistent scheduling should be part of his treatment.

Life shouldn't be this tough for either of you. Often we forget that our children are suffering too when we are dealing with so much stress due to their actions (or inactions).

When you get a chance, please do a profile signature like you see at the bottom of our posts. Just click on "Settings" in the upper right of the page and go from there.

Sharon

 

[DDD]

Just a quick welcome aboard. Could you share with us exactly which type of evaluations he has had and what type of experts have been trying to provide help? That would really be helpful. The combination of mental health issues and the teenage years is an extreme challenge for parents. I'm sending a cyber hug your way. Also (although I don't really know much about your situation and probably shouldn't) I might suggest that "backing him in a corner" is likely not in your best interest or his. It's extremely difficult to figure out which rulesare important enough to enforce. been there done that. My most volatile kid truly had no idea what he said or did when in a rage so your son probably describes it best as a black out. It's time for me to get back to work. I'll look forward to reading more about you all. This is a diverse but caring group. I'm glad you found us. DDD

 

[Star*]

Howdy - C

Welcome to the board. You know I read and re-read your post and can offer a few solutions immediately that wn't fix but can help.

I'm going to preface my response by telling you to stop thinking like your child is normal, and stop thinking you can parent him like any other child. It's not like God handed you a gargoyle or anything - but ya did get a child that doesn't respond to the 'normal' parenting and it's your job to learn how to change what YOU do - to get along with him. It's easier if you start with you, because - you're the adult and you're seeking help. Right now your son thinks he's fine the way he is - so he's not going to seek help or change. since you can't change him - you have to come through the back door and level the playing field. How do you do that? Ahhhh well - the best thing I can and do recommend is a family therapist. We went 3 x a week for years. My son would go in, then the family would go in, then once a week I went alone. It gave both my fiance and myself a non-partisan party to rant to - bounce ideas off of, and get solid advice on HOW to not manipulate - or be manipulated. We felt so smart after a month - we were hooked. We followed the Tdocs advice and while things did get worse before they got better - they did get better eventually to some degree.

Here's what I see - between your lines - and dont' take this as an insult - it's help - that's all.

ew to this sight but far from new to the frustration,pain,heartache,anger,confusion of a child with a mental disorder. (You have our sympathies, and support, and help now - you're in a good place.) My son was dignosed at 6 with ADHD and medicated. I thought oh thank God my son is back he could sit still, learn and be productive in his class. (were you aware that most kids with ADHD, CD or ODD can hold it together in one place like home but not school or vise versa?) 8yrs later he has been thru probably 20meds, 10 different dignosis and many phycological test and i still have know idea how to help my son. (Welcome to the club) Currently he is not on any medications, dr took him off concerta last month because as he has hit puberty we are dealing with other issues that do not seem to be ADHD. The most recent is ADHD, explosive temper disorder,depression and mood disorder. (What? Where did this get diagnosed? No biggie on not taking medications - most kids quit them anyway - but the trade off has to be counseling and continued counseling for years and years.)
Just like most of our evenings do today started out good. He's happy energetic (very) talktive, then i asked him to clean his room (this is the new parental thinking - you can't ask a kid with ADHD to clean his room - it's overwhelming. They will balk and explode and nothing gets done. Instead - ask him to pick up his clothes and put them in a basket, make his bed, hang up 4 articles of clothing. the rest? Leave for a later time. This way he feels like he's accomplished something and done good - you're getting something out of him and feel the same and no one explodes.) after the explostion from the last episode on friday. He avoided and avoided until pushed into a corner (again - no more pushing -that only tells him you are frustrated, and he's got you where he wants you. If you didn't show emotions he wouldn't know how to read you. They are experts at figuring people out in a matter of minutes - you're going to learn how to ask, not react and then levy consequences you can't push them.) to do it then explodes! broken glass, broken closet and dent in my car from his fist! (not the outcome we would have hoped for) I called the police three hrs ago and still no show!!! (?? I agree about calling the police, but Have you told him in the past that XX behaviors will result in you calling the police? If so - is that on the house rules list with his consequences and small chore list with rewards?) But of course the episode is over he's laughing smiling like nothing ever happened. (Well, it's happened so often that this is normal to him) Talking to him tonight after he admitted that he doesn't remember a lot of it. He says he kind of blacks out. If his temper is that bad? He would benefit from some anger management skills. His therapist should be teaching him that it's OKAY to be angry. Lots of people have NO IDEA it's OKAY to be angry - but how you react to the situation says everything about how much control you have over yourself as a person. There are so many things he could be taught to help him before he gets to the black out stage - breathing techniques, self-created muscle stress exercise that leaves you weak as a dishtowel and releases the angry - tried it -works really well ask your therapist to help him with things like this) He has therapy once a week (do you have family therapy? If not - get some) and i feel like we have tried everything.(you probably have but a few things you can learn are effective communication (how to say things that are encouraging without putting someone down - you may not even know you're doing it - it's like I say BOO and the kid hears YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT WHAT DID YOU DO? see?You may think you are saying things in a positive way - but your son? He hears something completely different and you are clueless. Effective communication - teaches you how to communicate with the gargoyle.....er I mean difficult child) ......What next do we just wait for the next explosion????(Well there are probably going to be several more - You can take care of yourself,make sure that you and your husband get out of the house at least one night a week away from him and do something fun for you both, Lay out rules, consequences, rewards and the same for small (no more than three) chores that you KNOW he can complete and KNOW he could do quickly - this builds his confidence up - seems lame but it is very effective even with 14 year olds. Then a reward of different levels - 1,2,3 - like if he does chores all week without being asked - and gets all 18 days done - he gets prize A - the big Kahuna. If he forgets 1-5 times - He gets prize B - okay but not the Kahuna. If he forgets 6-10 times he gets price C- the meh prize but still comes with praise and encouragement - which would NOT be - You'll do better next week....(which is You are a failure to a kid) Instead try "I was really proud of your progress this week - way to go. Next week that Big kahuna is in your grasp - I just know it." Give him a goal. If he doesn't do it at all - then he OWES you another chore the next week - he picks. Also the prize could be a sleep over at someones house you trust - and then you and husband - GO OUT. (okay?) Help!!!

Hope this does - but seriously in recap -
Ask therapist about anger management techniques for your son
Ask therapist about family therapy
Ask therapist about effective communication - bet he smiles.

hugs - Star