My 21 yo son just admitted to me 2 days ago that he was smoking pot. I had suspected this for about a year, but looked the other way thinking it was temporary or a phase. He is a senior at college 2 hours away. He stupidly posted something about it on Twitter, which I saw and I telephoned his father to speak about it. His father, after thinking about the information, angrily called DS and asked him three questions. "Why did you lie to us about pot use?" "Why did you put it out in public?" and "Why are you smoking?". DS called me and told me what husband had done. I sat in the parking lot of a doctor's office (taking Mom to appointment) and talked to my son about it. Son said he hadn't smoked all summer--2 jobs in other state--knew no one. He felt that he was functioning this semester and the smoking wasn't harmful. I asked him why he was smoking, but he just said, "I don't know". I told him that many people medicate themselves with substances because of stress, anxiety or depression and if those things were the issue, we would help get him counseling. I let him know that substance abuse was dangerous and could ruin relationships. I said it was no way to get to sleep at night or help solve problems. At one point, I suspect he was crying because he sounded like it. He said, "I don't want you guys to think I'm a bad person." I repeated a phrase I often used while the kids were growing up, "I love you, but I don't like your behavior." I repeated most of these points several times, hopefully in a non-threatening way. I wrote him an email after I got home, saying some of the same things and trying to keep my self calm. I have had no response to the email or a telephone call I made today. I texted him after the initial phone call, and said that I would support him in any way including counseling. His response was "Oh and now you think I need counseling!" I texted back that it was an option and anger wasn't required. My points--I don't want to drive him from casual use to frequent use by badgering him, yet I need to let him know where we stand. I am worried because we have addiction on both sides of our family and I know that DS is one step away from getting in too deep. Since I haven't heard from him, I am a wreck, crying and can't concentrate. I am trying to repeat: "I didn't cause this and I can't control this." My husband and I have already had one small fight about how to handle this. He is looking at this as a phase and maintaining that we have no evidence of addiction. Since Son is two hours away and in a paid apartment, I can't make a living agreement with him. He is so close to his degree, I very badly want him to finish that. I do pay his cell and he drives an old car I own. His living expenses are deposited into an account. If he does run out before the semester is over, he will have to make up the shortfall. I will take away the phone and car if I see any evidence that he is using. However, I'm not sure how to tell from 2 hours away. I am sick about losing my relationship with my son. I love him dearly and he is a good person who is making some dumb decisions right now. My husband travels, and irony of ironies, my mom, who I am close to, was a nurse in an alcohol and drug rehab for 15 years. I can't tell her and I feel I have nowhere to turn. I want to give my DS the benefit of the doubt, let him quickly see the errors he is making and correct them. Can I get some support from you all?