Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New to this website
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 514521" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>ENM, my mother's heart has so much empathy for you. My wish for you is that you feel loving arms around you, keeping you nurtured and held while you go through this with your son. </p><p></p><p>I have a difficult child who is 39 and is mentally unstable, homeless and lives "out there" with 4 cats in her car. I have just had what feels like the PHD program of letting go, and my heart is still hurting from this experience. Without exception this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I am sorry you live in a similar world, I know how you feel. </p><p></p><p>You have received very good advice here, I believe toughlovin gave you a map which you can utilize for direction as you see fit. There are no rules to follow only other people's experience who've been where you are and your own mother's intuition. My experience of late has been that with<strong> LOADS</strong> of support each step of the way, I have tools and information, and I can make clear assessments with each incident. I can't look down the road because I do have to take this one step at a time, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. </p><p></p><p>I have had to learn to see my daughter without my expectations of what I think she can do, without my dreams for her, without my angers and sadness's, even without what <em>I believe</em> would be the best solution for her. I have had to learn to see her for who she is, what she is capable of, what she is not capable of and what she can and cannot do <u>right now</u>. For her there is no "future thinking." I have had to learn the difference between enabling and loving, detachment and connection, what I can do and what I am not willing to do. I have had to learn how to live the serenity prayer, every single day. And, with all of that learning, sometimes my daughter steps in with a brand new dilemma and I have to learn it all over again. But each time is not as far a fall from grace as the time before.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps that is as good as it gets with our children, I don't know yet. I have 'normal' days where I can laugh and love and be in my life without hers filtering in ......and I have days which are not so great. But on those bad days, I have you guys, I have my girlfriends, I have my therapy, I have my CoDa group, I have acupuncture....... I do a lot to take <em>very good</em> care of myself. I laugh a lot too, even in the midst of it all, my SO and Star here on the CD site make me laugh. Laughing is good for the soul, it helps in every possible way, <em>don't forget to laugh. I</em> know right now that may seem ludicrous given what you are facing, but life does not end because our kids are "gifts from God." The world keeps spinning. They keep spinning. But we must stop sometimes and just check out the sunset, that gorgeous moon, the beauty in life, the miracles, we have to find where our gratitude lies. There is always much to be grateful for, and that feeling brings some peace.</p><p></p><p>I once read that '<em>what you focus on expands.</em>' So, I deal with my difficult child as best I can <u>and</u> I focus on other things too, things that bring joy........... Your other children, your husband, eating chocolate (yum). I try to bring balance into my life with the <em>other</em> gifts life offers. </p><p></p><p>Take a deep breath, know that you're not alone, get a good nights sleep, eat well, take a walk, meditate, pray, connect with friends, and always know you are doing the very best you can, every single day. The fate of our children is not in our hands, to the degree that we understand that, we find peace. God bless you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 514521, member: 13542"] ENM, my mother's heart has so much empathy for you. My wish for you is that you feel loving arms around you, keeping you nurtured and held while you go through this with your son. I have a difficult child who is 39 and is mentally unstable, homeless and lives "out there" with 4 cats in her car. I have just had what feels like the PHD program of letting go, and my heart is still hurting from this experience. Without exception this is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. I am sorry you live in a similar world, I know how you feel. You have received very good advice here, I believe toughlovin gave you a map which you can utilize for direction as you see fit. There are no rules to follow only other people's experience who've been where you are and your own mother's intuition. My experience of late has been that with[B] LOADS[/B] of support each step of the way, I have tools and information, and I can make clear assessments with each incident. I can't look down the road because I do have to take this one step at a time, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. I have had to learn to see my daughter without my expectations of what I think she can do, without my dreams for her, without my angers and sadness's, even without what [I]I believe[/I] would be the best solution for her. I have had to learn to see her for who she is, what she is capable of, what she is not capable of and what she can and cannot do [U]right now[/U]. For her there is no "future thinking." I have had to learn the difference between enabling and loving, detachment and connection, what I can do and what I am not willing to do. I have had to learn how to live the serenity prayer, every single day. And, with all of that learning, sometimes my daughter steps in with a brand new dilemma and I have to learn it all over again. But each time is not as far a fall from grace as the time before. Perhaps that is as good as it gets with our children, I don't know yet. I have 'normal' days where I can laugh and love and be in my life without hers filtering in ......and I have days which are not so great. But on those bad days, I have you guys, I have my girlfriends, I have my therapy, I have my CoDa group, I have acupuncture....... I do a lot to take [I]very good[/I] care of myself. I laugh a lot too, even in the midst of it all, my SO and Star here on the CD site make me laugh. Laughing is good for the soul, it helps in every possible way, [I]don't forget to laugh. I[/I] know right now that may seem ludicrous given what you are facing, but life does not end because our kids are "gifts from God." The world keeps spinning. They keep spinning. But we must stop sometimes and just check out the sunset, that gorgeous moon, the beauty in life, the miracles, we have to find where our gratitude lies. There is always much to be grateful for, and that feeling brings some peace. I once read that '[I]what you focus on expands.[/I]' So, I deal with my difficult child as best I can [U]and[/U] I focus on other things too, things that bring joy........... Your other children, your husband, eating chocolate (yum). I try to bring balance into my life with the [I]other[/I] gifts life offers. Take a deep breath, know that you're not alone, get a good nights sleep, eat well, take a walk, meditate, pray, connect with friends, and always know you are doing the very best you can, every single day. The fate of our children is not in our hands, to the degree that we understand that, we find peace. God bless you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
New to this website
Top