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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 87646" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>While it shouldn't be discounted, I don't think this is necessarily drugs. being a teen is hard enough; for a difficult child it's much worse.</p><p></p><p>I also agree with MWM on the need for evaluation, though - I think there could be more here than just ADHD. Some of the good things you describe, for example - I see them in my boys. </p><p></p><p>You need to change how you're handling him, because right now, it's not working. And the worst thing with any discipline method, is to have one that fails. It's better to not try, than try and fail.</p><p></p><p>Why did you not want him to go out on his skateboard? You didn't say. And if you didn't tell us, did you tell him? He is at an age where he needs to discuss reasons, rather than simply be told, "No, you can't." Maybe it was because he had chores to do, or other tasks. But at this age social contact is also increasingly important in their world and if he feels you are 'cramping his style' he will make a decision to ignore you and go meet his friends. What you may need to do, is say, "OK, go meet your friends, I understand you need to. Say hi to Billy for me [or whoever]. But you have jobs to do, I need you back by [give a time] to do them."</p><p>Give HIM the chance to make decisions about when and how he will do his tasks. Homework is often a HUGE issue for ADHD kids (and others) because their ability to focus at the end of the day is cactus. Plus, they've held it together all day at school, they need a break to kick over the traces a bit. You may need to talk to the school about other ways to handle homework. There ARE other options.</p><p></p><p>We often recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Even if he isn't normally explosive, or if you feel it's a passing phase (I don't) then reading the book should help you.</p><p></p><p>I would also look to getting a thorough reassessment of him, I think there could be more going on and it's undoubtedly frustrating him, too. You may need to also sit down with him and a careers advisor, maybe look for another pathway to get him into a career he wants. School may have taught him as much as he can handle, for now.</p><p></p><p>We have other options here in Australia. I don't know what you have in your area, but a careers expert would know. But it's time to bring him into the discussion, calmly. Find out what he likes, what he enjoys (other than skate boarding) and what his ambitions are. Then help him map out a route to get onto his career ladder. But the rule here - work with him. You are on his team, he is on your team. If it gets hostile, stop and wait until everyone is calm. Stay calm yourself. Don't let it upset you - every parent of a teen goes through purgatory at some stage, it's just a bit worse for us. But from the sound of your son, you have a gem there. he's a bit troubled right now, but he is still in there and wanting your help. he just isn't good about talking much, from the sound of him. Milk and cookies time, I think - draw him out.</p><p></p><p>But read the book - it should help.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 87646, member: 1991"] While it shouldn't be discounted, I don't think this is necessarily drugs. being a teen is hard enough; for a difficult child it's much worse. I also agree with MWM on the need for evaluation, though - I think there could be more here than just ADHD. Some of the good things you describe, for example - I see them in my boys. You need to change how you're handling him, because right now, it's not working. And the worst thing with any discipline method, is to have one that fails. It's better to not try, than try and fail. Why did you not want him to go out on his skateboard? You didn't say. And if you didn't tell us, did you tell him? He is at an age where he needs to discuss reasons, rather than simply be told, "No, you can't." Maybe it was because he had chores to do, or other tasks. But at this age social contact is also increasingly important in their world and if he feels you are 'cramping his style' he will make a decision to ignore you and go meet his friends. What you may need to do, is say, "OK, go meet your friends, I understand you need to. Say hi to Billy for me [or whoever]. But you have jobs to do, I need you back by [give a time] to do them." Give HIM the chance to make decisions about when and how he will do his tasks. Homework is often a HUGE issue for ADHD kids (and others) because their ability to focus at the end of the day is cactus. Plus, they've held it together all day at school, they need a break to kick over the traces a bit. You may need to talk to the school about other ways to handle homework. There ARE other options. We often recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Even if he isn't normally explosive, or if you feel it's a passing phase (I don't) then reading the book should help you. I would also look to getting a thorough reassessment of him, I think there could be more going on and it's undoubtedly frustrating him, too. You may need to also sit down with him and a careers advisor, maybe look for another pathway to get him into a career he wants. School may have taught him as much as he can handle, for now. We have other options here in Australia. I don't know what you have in your area, but a careers expert would know. But it's time to bring him into the discussion, calmly. Find out what he likes, what he enjoys (other than skate boarding) and what his ambitions are. Then help him map out a route to get onto his career ladder. But the rule here - work with him. You are on his team, he is on your team. If it gets hostile, stop and wait until everyone is calm. Stay calm yourself. Don't let it upset you - every parent of a teen goes through purgatory at some stage, it's just a bit worse for us. But from the sound of your son, you have a gem there. he's a bit troubled right now, but he is still in there and wanting your help. he just isn't good about talking much, from the sound of him. Milk and cookies time, I think - draw him out. But read the book - it should help. Marg [/QUOTE]
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