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New-Will it ever get better?
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 300781" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Tictoc, welcome to our corner of the world where good days are relative. You know from lurking that we all suffer from days of fear for the future of our difficult child's and fear of our ability to survive our difficult child's kids. </p><p>It always breaks my heart when a difficult child who is suffering wonders if they will die or if they are better off dead. We know that they are not their disorders but real flesh and blood people who want what most kids want. Unfortunately, their disorders do get in the way. </p><p></p><p>I used to want a crystal ball to see into the future. If I knew my son would grow up to be a functional, law abiding, independent young man, I wouldn't worry so much. Looking back, it's probably good I couldn't see the road ahead. it was full of pot holes and cliffs. We navigated it with several mistakes and he seems ok but what I accept ok today would have devastated me when difficult child was a child. </p><p></p><p>Acceptance in my mind, comes in stages and understanding and emotional growth on our part. I'll never accept certain aspects of difficult child's disorders. I accept his limitations but I'll never accept self sabotaging behaviors or unruly behaviors. This is probably not the same as what I could accept at 7-10 or 13 yrs old. </p><p></p><p>Our job is to parent our child to the best of our ability. It doesn't matter whether a easy child or difficult child. It is our sacred duty to do the best for our kids regardless of their behavior. The goal being that the kids grow to be good, decent, law abiding, functional adults who lived up to their abilities. If they hate us but function- so be it. It's not my job to have them be my friend. If they are, then that's the gravy in my book. It would be wonderful to have some good interactions with our kids. I want them to remember good times and mommy happily enjoying her children. I want them to remember laughter. </p><p></p><p>Look at your little guy and ask yourself "what does he need?" and go from there. I wanted to worry less on what I needed as a parent and as an adult and more on what they needed to get through the rocky road that is their life. </p><p></p><p>Hope we can share some of the things that helped us and at the very least offer some support. Welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 300781, member: 3"] Tictoc, welcome to our corner of the world where good days are relative. You know from lurking that we all suffer from days of fear for the future of our difficult child's and fear of our ability to survive our difficult child's kids. It always breaks my heart when a difficult child who is suffering wonders if they will die or if they are better off dead. We know that they are not their disorders but real flesh and blood people who want what most kids want. Unfortunately, their disorders do get in the way. I used to want a crystal ball to see into the future. If I knew my son would grow up to be a functional, law abiding, independent young man, I wouldn't worry so much. Looking back, it's probably good I couldn't see the road ahead. it was full of pot holes and cliffs. We navigated it with several mistakes and he seems ok but what I accept ok today would have devastated me when difficult child was a child. Acceptance in my mind, comes in stages and understanding and emotional growth on our part. I'll never accept certain aspects of difficult child's disorders. I accept his limitations but I'll never accept self sabotaging behaviors or unruly behaviors. This is probably not the same as what I could accept at 7-10 or 13 yrs old. Our job is to parent our child to the best of our ability. It doesn't matter whether a easy child or difficult child. It is our sacred duty to do the best for our kids regardless of their behavior. The goal being that the kids grow to be good, decent, law abiding, functional adults who lived up to their abilities. If they hate us but function- so be it. It's not my job to have them be my friend. If they are, then that's the gravy in my book. It would be wonderful to have some good interactions with our kids. I want them to remember good times and mommy happily enjoying her children. I want them to remember laughter. Look at your little guy and ask yourself "what does he need?" and go from there. I wanted to worry less on what I needed as a parent and as an adult and more on what they needed to get through the rocky road that is their life. Hope we can share some of the things that helped us and at the very least offer some support. Welcome. [/QUOTE]
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