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New with an operational defiant teen
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 219115" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Hi Dawn, welcome to the site.</p><p></p><p>It's late for me right now, I really need to get to bed (late Friday night, heading for Saturday morning). But I really want to share something with you, so please forgive me if I 'cheat' a little to save time.</p><p></p><p>First, you will have noticed that a lot of us recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is some discussion of this book in Early Childhood forum but the book is equally applicable to older kids (and adults, end even entire departments). So read up on that, maybe do asearch on it on this site to get some discussion on it that might be more applicable to you.</p><p></p><p>And now the cheat - I posted in detail on Ropefree's thread about "slogging through with family therapy" (or similar title). It should be on the same page as this thread. It's an angle I have used myself and highly recommend for argumentative, difficult, wilful teens. You need a lot more help than this will provide on its own, but it might be a point where you could start. Even a tiny start somewhere can be a help.</p><p></p><p>I agree with you, he really does sound very depressed. He also sounds uncommunicative and this is a bad combination. I have had similar problems with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 (especially her) and it drove me crazy. I felt very PTSD with her because she could get so unpleasant, so shrill, so very quickly. Leaving home for her has been a time of forced growing up. She still gets rudely sarcastic especially when I suggest something she could do. "I'll just pencil it in to do in my copious spare time, shall I?" she says with extreme sarcasm; to which I reply, "I've always said, 'if you want a job done well then ask a busy woman.' You being too busy is absolutely no excuse. You can always find time - if I can do it at my age, you should certainly be able to do it with your youth and enthusiasm."</p><p></p><p>I think as I said in my post to Ropefree, the first HUGE step is to learn to ignore the apparent disrespect (at least for now). You need to listen to him way beyond the rudeness, to what he is really trying to communicate, such as "I am hurting."</p><p></p><p>I've posted on this and similar things a fair bit in the last week, to a number of people. See what you can track down while I sleep...</p><p></p><p>And again, welcome. Help is here.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 219115, member: 1991"] Hi Dawn, welcome to the site. It's late for me right now, I really need to get to bed (late Friday night, heading for Saturday morning). But I really want to share something with you, so please forgive me if I 'cheat' a little to save time. First, you will have noticed that a lot of us recommend "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is some discussion of this book in Early Childhood forum but the book is equally applicable to older kids (and adults, end even entire departments). So read up on that, maybe do asearch on it on this site to get some discussion on it that might be more applicable to you. And now the cheat - I posted in detail on Ropefree's thread about "slogging through with family therapy" (or similar title). It should be on the same page as this thread. It's an angle I have used myself and highly recommend for argumentative, difficult, wilful teens. You need a lot more help than this will provide on its own, but it might be a point where you could start. Even a tiny start somewhere can be a help. I agree with you, he really does sound very depressed. He also sounds uncommunicative and this is a bad combination. I have had similar problems with difficult child 1 and easy child 2/difficult child 2 (especially her) and it drove me crazy. I felt very PTSD with her because she could get so unpleasant, so shrill, so very quickly. Leaving home for her has been a time of forced growing up. She still gets rudely sarcastic especially when I suggest something she could do. "I'll just pencil it in to do in my copious spare time, shall I?" she says with extreme sarcasm; to which I reply, "I've always said, 'if you want a job done well then ask a busy woman.' You being too busy is absolutely no excuse. You can always find time - if I can do it at my age, you should certainly be able to do it with your youth and enthusiasm." I think as I said in my post to Ropefree, the first HUGE step is to learn to ignore the apparent disrespect (at least for now). You need to listen to him way beyond the rudeness, to what he is really trying to communicate, such as "I am hurting." I've posted on this and similar things a fair bit in the last week, to a number of people. See what you can track down while I sleep... And again, welcome. Help is here. Marg [/QUOTE]
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