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New with an operational defiant teen
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 219777" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Hi and welcome. You have found a really supportive place, and we are all glad to have you with us. </p><p></p><p>The book you found sounds pretty good. But I still recommend reading The Explosive Child, simply because it can give you insight into HOW your child thinks. And it has great ideas to help manage his behavior.</p><p></p><p>I would take him into the pediatrician or family doctor for a FULL checkup. I would ask for blood work, a drug test (as complete as they can do) AND a test for STDs. It isn't uncommon for a kid his age to be sexually active. What kids think of as "sex" is much different than what we think of it as. Many teens do not consider anything other than complete intercourse as sex, and so they may engage in activities short of that and think they are not going to get a disease. Also, many STDs have NO SYMPTOMS until they have already done damage to your body.</p><p></p><p>If at ALL possible talk to the doctor privately, and ask that he run these tests with-o telling your son what they are for - have him say they are for infection but not what kind of infection. Hopefully he will be cooperative. </p><p></p><p>Witzend is TOTALLY right about the computer. We have one member here who's daughter was lured by a man into a meeting and she was assaulted and hurt. It left long time scars. The computer is an open invitation to anyone and everyone to come and influence your child. If you are afraid of the confrontation of taking his computer, get a program to capture his activity and send it to you. Check on this daily. Same for his phone if he has a cell phone. Check the internet activity on that or turn it off. </p><p></p><p>There will be a fight or several fights. Stand your ground. If he acts threatening or hurts you in ANY way, please tell his PO or call and have him transported to a psychiatric hospital. </p><p></p><p>You do need to ahve a full psychiatric evaluation done. Many here feel that neuropsychologists (psychologists with special training in how teh brain works) do the best evaluations. Can you talk to the therapist the courts mandated he see and have them test him? Someone on the board here can tell you what tests to ask for. </p><p></p><p>Has he been evaluated by a child and adolescent psychiatrist? This is the one with the MD. You don't want an adult psychiatrist - kids brains work differently. It is important to ahve a child and adolescent certified psychiatrist work with you. I don't think that just saying he is "controlling" is an adequate evaluation, nor does it give you any ways to help him. ODD, or oppositional defiant disorder, also isn't much help. It doesn't usually stand alone. Usually there is somehting else causing the ODD behaviors. ODD just describes teh behavior, not the WHY behind it. Without the WHY, the way to help is not apparent.</p><p></p><p>anyway, this is a lot of info at one time.</p><p></p><p>Sending gentle hugs,</p><p></p><p>Susie</p><p></p><p>ps. With all the fighting and intimidation that you have ahd from him, you may be able to get help from a domestic violence shelter - often they have FREE therapy and other ways to help you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 219777, member: 1233"] Hi and welcome. You have found a really supportive place, and we are all glad to have you with us. The book you found sounds pretty good. But I still recommend reading The Explosive Child, simply because it can give you insight into HOW your child thinks. And it has great ideas to help manage his behavior. I would take him into the pediatrician or family doctor for a FULL checkup. I would ask for blood work, a drug test (as complete as they can do) AND a test for STDs. It isn't uncommon for a kid his age to be sexually active. What kids think of as "sex" is much different than what we think of it as. Many teens do not consider anything other than complete intercourse as sex, and so they may engage in activities short of that and think they are not going to get a disease. Also, many STDs have NO SYMPTOMS until they have already done damage to your body. If at ALL possible talk to the doctor privately, and ask that he run these tests with-o telling your son what they are for - have him say they are for infection but not what kind of infection. Hopefully he will be cooperative. Witzend is TOTALLY right about the computer. We have one member here who's daughter was lured by a man into a meeting and she was assaulted and hurt. It left long time scars. The computer is an open invitation to anyone and everyone to come and influence your child. If you are afraid of the confrontation of taking his computer, get a program to capture his activity and send it to you. Check on this daily. Same for his phone if he has a cell phone. Check the internet activity on that or turn it off. There will be a fight or several fights. Stand your ground. If he acts threatening or hurts you in ANY way, please tell his PO or call and have him transported to a psychiatric hospital. You do need to ahve a full psychiatric evaluation done. Many here feel that neuropsychologists (psychologists with special training in how teh brain works) do the best evaluations. Can you talk to the therapist the courts mandated he see and have them test him? Someone on the board here can tell you what tests to ask for. Has he been evaluated by a child and adolescent psychiatrist? This is the one with the MD. You don't want an adult psychiatrist - kids brains work differently. It is important to ahve a child and adolescent certified psychiatrist work with you. I don't think that just saying he is "controlling" is an adequate evaluation, nor does it give you any ways to help him. ODD, or oppositional defiant disorder, also isn't much help. It doesn't usually stand alone. Usually there is somehting else causing the ODD behaviors. ODD just describes teh behavior, not the WHY behind it. Without the WHY, the way to help is not apparent. anyway, this is a lot of info at one time. Sending gentle hugs, Susie ps. With all the fighting and intimidation that you have ahd from him, you may be able to get help from a domestic violence shelter - often they have FREE therapy and other ways to help you. [/QUOTE]
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