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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675875" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Yup, boundaries is a sticky one, especially, for "nice" folks. Why do we have a hard time standing up for ourselves? Do we tippy toe around our kids, because of mood swings, depression? Sometimes I think this happens, and we do not even realize it.</p><p> I think a lot of this thing, is kids can have <em>two very different sides to them</em>, one in front of authority figures, a whole different side in front of friends.....So, if our kids dabble with drugs and start to hang out with these kids, one thing leads to another. I say this...because when I was younger, 13, <em>this was me. </em></p><p><em>This is not easy for me to share, but if it helps another person in any way.....</em></p><p>My parents were pretty naive, caught up in their work, gave us a pretty long leash....I could be charming at home, and <em>party hard, with my friends</em>.</p><p>I was a sweet, decent kid too, but I wasn't about to let my parents know the full extent of my partying. I would <em>never, </em>in a million years, in those times, admit to my folks what I was doing. Because, then they would tighten up the reins, also, <em>I was innerly ashamed of what I was doing. </em></p><p>You know Colleen, I think I have kind of posted this before, to a smaller extent, but I will go a little deeper, because I was much like your boy, with the exception that this happened in my high school years.</p><p>Child of the 70's, anything and everything was readily available. I was a mixed up teen, had some issues at home with a bullying older sister.....I wanted to be cool and accepted, home was not my haven, it was <em>hell</em> for me. So, I rebelled, with my friends, but maintained a "front" at home,<em> I had to</em>. The "truth" was trouble with a capital "T". My parents really did not want to know, it was too messy for them, so they averted their attention.....they closed their eyes.</p><p>At one point, 16, I think, Mom had me see a therapist, I completely hoodwinked her, too.</p><p>This could be the case with your son. He is not going to be truthful, really truthful, <em>he is not going to bust himself with his parents. </em>No matter how sweet and gentle he is,<em> I, too, was that sweet gentle kid. </em></p><p><em>I was vey troubled, smart, athletic, former A student, </em></p><p><em>LOST.</em></p><p>Can you imagine how strange it must be<em>, </em>to have to be <em>two different people</em>?</p><p>Looking back, I remember the <em>game</em> it was. I thought my parents were so <em>incredibly stupid</em>! I would never <em>tell them this</em>. Fooling them, allowed me to take more risks. I remember Mom asking me why my eyes were so red, I would tell her "Salt water, Mom, I was at the beach." She believed me, she just didn't want to see it. I also remember laughing about it with friends, how <em>fooled my parents were</em>.......</p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Please consider this</em>.</p><p>I am sharing this with you in hopes that you will think very deeply</p><p>about the possibilities that your son is in way over his head,</p><p>way more than <em>you think he is. </em></p><p></p><p>I went on a trip with my parents, 16, I was. Visiting family. I remember my Mom remarking at how wonderful I was, well behaved, with family. Like the good "old" me was back. (By this time, they knew I was in <em>some trouble</em>.) I went right back to my old friends, same m.o. <em>as soon as we got home</em>.</p><p>I changed when I got a job at 18. Just stopped. I didn't go to college. I wish I had. Started my family at 20. No drugs.</p><p>I apologized over and over to my parents, for the trouble I got into, in my teens, I felt so badly. Still do........</p><p></p><p>I share this with you, <em>because it is <strong>possible for a nice kid</strong></em>, to get messed up with the wrong crowd, drugs, <em><strong>become a whole different person</strong></em>, away from the view of parents. Reading of your son, reminded me of my past, not proud, but hey, if it helps someone.....</p><p></p><p>Colleen, this is what I tried during those times, pot, angel dust, cocaine, uppers, downers, all kinds of alcohol, acid. I drew the line at shooting up, but rather, anything else to "party" was<em> fair game</em>.</p><p></p><p>Very risky, risky behavior.</p><p></p><p>I am lucky to be alive, and have half of my wits about me.</p><p></p><p>I am thankful to God, that crack or meth was not in the picture back then.</p><p></p><p>My parents knew absolutely<em> NONE </em>of this.......</p><p></p><p> You are not a prude, Colleen,<em> pot is definitely a gateway drug,</em> and it is mixed with all kinds of stuff. It is very potent and highly addictive. Yes, it has medicinal value, but it is way overused in that vein...</p><p>By your description of the changes in your son, I am thinking, he has probably gotten in to way more than cocaine or pot. I am sorry to write this, not trying to scare you off, just a hunch, by the <em>immense changes in his personality</em>.</p><p>I hope I am wrong, but I did want to share with you, because you are going through so much emotional upheaval and seesawing on what maybe happening with your son.</p><p></p><p>I thought my #3 "just smoked pot". I was shocked when her cousin confided with me that she was also heavy in to crack. OMG<em> CRACK</em>? "Yes, Aunty, my brother, too, they smoke it together with pot. It's cheap. That's why her personality is so different."</p><p></p><p>What a slap. If the Gods of payback were upon me.......</p><p>Then my #1, I found out, smoked meth....."METH?"<em> GULP. </em>I would have never believed it.</p><p></p><p>This drug abuse with 20 and 30 somethings is rampant in our society. I pray that what you think of your son is reality. I am more inclined to think otherwise. For his, and your sake, do not let him fool you. Stand your ground, and do not let him jeopardize you, your family, your job, your view of yourself as a good parent, or a good person.</p><p>Sometimes, nice kids, <em>make very bad choices.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Truthfully yours</em>,</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675875, member: 19522"] Yup, boundaries is a sticky one, especially, for "nice" folks. Why do we have a hard time standing up for ourselves? Do we tippy toe around our kids, because of mood swings, depression? Sometimes I think this happens, and we do not even realize it. I think a lot of this thing, is kids can have [I]two very different sides to them[/I], one in front of authority figures, a whole different side in front of friends.....So, if our kids dabble with drugs and start to hang out with these kids, one thing leads to another. I say this...because when I was younger, 13, [I]this was me. This is not easy for me to share, but if it helps another person in any way.....[/I] My parents were pretty naive, caught up in their work, gave us a pretty long leash....I could be charming at home, and [I]party hard, with my friends[/I]. I was a sweet, decent kid too, but I wasn't about to let my parents know the full extent of my partying. I would [I]never, [/I]in a million years, in those times, admit to my folks what I was doing. Because, then they would tighten up the reins, also, [I]I was innerly ashamed of what I was doing. [/I] You know Colleen, I think I have kind of posted this before, to a smaller extent, but I will go a little deeper, because I was much like your boy, with the exception that this happened in my high school years. Child of the 70's, anything and everything was readily available. I was a mixed up teen, had some issues at home with a bullying older sister.....I wanted to be cool and accepted, home was not my haven, it was [I]hell[/I] for me. So, I rebelled, with my friends, but maintained a "front" at home,[I] I had to[/I]. The "truth" was trouble with a capital "T". My parents really did not want to know, it was too messy for them, so they averted their attention.....they closed their eyes. At one point, 16, I think, Mom had me see a therapist, I completely hoodwinked her, too. This could be the case with your son. He is not going to be truthful, really truthful, [I]he is not going to bust himself with his parents. [/I]No matter how sweet and gentle he is,[I] I, too, was that sweet gentle kid. I was vey troubled, smart, athletic, former A student, LOST.[/I] Can you imagine how strange it must be[I], [/I]to have to be [I]two different people[/I]? Looking back, I remember the [I]game[/I] it was. I thought my parents were so [I]incredibly stupid[/I]! I would never [I]tell them this[/I]. Fooling them, allowed me to take more risks. I remember Mom asking me why my eyes were so red, I would tell her "Salt water, Mom, I was at the beach." She believed me, she just didn't want to see it. I also remember laughing about it with friends, how [I]fooled my parents were[/I]....... [I] Please consider this[/I]. I am sharing this with you in hopes that you will think very deeply about the possibilities that your son is in way over his head, way more than [I]you think he is. [/I] I went on a trip with my parents, 16, I was. Visiting family. I remember my Mom remarking at how wonderful I was, well behaved, with family. Like the good "old" me was back. (By this time, they knew I was in [I]some trouble[/I].) I went right back to my old friends, same m.o. [I]as soon as we got home[/I]. I changed when I got a job at 18. Just stopped. I didn't go to college. I wish I had. Started my family at 20. No drugs. I apologized over and over to my parents, for the trouble I got into, in my teens, I felt so badly. Still do........ I share this with you, [I]because it is [B]possible for a nice kid[/B][/I], to get messed up with the wrong crowd, drugs, [I][B]become a whole different person[/B][/I], away from the view of parents. Reading of your son, reminded me of my past, not proud, but hey, if it helps someone..... Colleen, this is what I tried during those times, pot, angel dust, cocaine, uppers, downers, all kinds of alcohol, acid. I drew the line at shooting up, but rather, anything else to "party" was[I] fair game[/I]. Very risky, risky behavior. I am lucky to be alive, and have half of my wits about me. I am thankful to God, that crack or meth was not in the picture back then. My parents knew absolutely[I] NONE [/I]of this....... You are not a prude, Colleen,[I] pot is definitely a gateway drug,[/I] and it is mixed with all kinds of stuff. It is very potent and highly addictive. Yes, it has medicinal value, but it is way overused in that vein... By your description of the changes in your son, I am thinking, he has probably gotten in to way more than cocaine or pot. I am sorry to write this, not trying to scare you off, just a hunch, by the [I]immense changes in his personality[/I]. I hope I am wrong, but I did want to share with you, because you are going through so much emotional upheaval and seesawing on what maybe happening with your son. I thought my #3 "just smoked pot". I was shocked when her cousin confided with me that she was also heavy in to crack. OMG[I] CRACK[/I]? "Yes, Aunty, my brother, too, they smoke it together with pot. It's cheap. That's why her personality is so different." What a slap. If the Gods of payback were upon me....... Then my #1, I found out, smoked meth....."METH?"[I] GULP. [/I]I would have never believed it. This drug abuse with 20 and 30 somethings is rampant in our society. I pray that what you think of your son is reality. I am more inclined to think otherwise. For his, and your sake, do not let him fool you. Stand your ground, and do not let him jeopardize you, your family, your job, your view of yourself as a good parent, or a good person. Sometimes, nice kids, [I]make very bad choices.[/I] [I]Truthfully yours[/I], leafy [/QUOTE]
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