Newbie - age 12 boy difficult child adhd aspie out-of-control

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by luvki, May 2, 2009.

  1. luvki

    luvki New Member

    :faint:Hi everyone! EAP (employee assistant plan) led me to this site. What a great site and thanks to all of you that have helped create it!

    Long long long history here. Looking to network with others to grow with as we help our 12 year old boys (and all our other difficult children) through the next many years. Suffice it to say the most recent explosion here revolved around police involvement.

    Love my difficult child dearly. He has so much potential to excel in life and then there is the whole other side that could land him in jail.

    Hmmmm, guess I have sooooo many questions about how to help the little guy that I'm tongue tied with none.

    Hugs to all
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Hello, and welcome luvki!

    You should probably take a moment to create a signature line for yourself. You can do that in the User CP section (see top left of the screen). That way we don't have to keep asking you about your background. To figure out what you want to include in the signature line, just look at a couple of different ones that others have and then use your judgement.

    Can you tell us a little about your difficult child and how he came to be diagnosed?
  3. ML

    ML Guest

    Hello and welcome. I have a 10.5 year old son with high level aspergers (or aspielite as we sometimes refer to it). So far his behavior issues are saved for home and have not escalated to police involvment but he's still young. A lot happens from 10 to 12. I agree we're so lucky to have each other to lean on for support. Hugs, ML
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Why don't you tell us more about.

    How was his early development? Does he have a great deal of trouble socializing, making eye contact, being appropriate with people? Does he obsess over certain things? Does he have interests that his peers have? My son is on the spectrum and he's quite different. However, he has learned a lot about social appropriateness.

    Is your son getting a lot of school interventions for the Aspergers? Sometimes parents treat Aspergers like a mental illness. It's not. Therapy often doesn't work because it requires the child to empathize with the therapist and Aspies often have trouble with that. The interventions are really important, plus your own parenting style. These kids do not respond to typical discipline. Sometimes Aspies don't have normal fear of the police as they often think of all people as equal.

    We really need to know more.

    Welcome to the board
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Luvki, nice to meet you.
    Here's some iced tea. (I can spike it if you want. :) )

    My son is 12 and Aspie lite.
    He is MUCH better than he was yrs ago, but if you check back in the notes, you'll see he still has his moments (I think the thread has the word "drained" in it.)

    I would recommend several things.
    1) limit video and computer game time. It excites the frontal lobes and causes excess electrical activity.
    2) try an elimination diet, getting rid of milk products and wheat. My son has major league ADHD symptoms when he has wheat, plus he wets the bed.
    3) Respond to him with-'Yes, however," rather than an outright "No."
    4) Make sure he's always got a carrot and stick. In my son's case, it's Reese's Peanut Butter Cups and PS2 time. The stick is simply taking those things away. We spent months figuring out what to take away that would really make a diff to him. We took his clothes, his toys and his furniture. Nada. Find his triggers.
    5) Make SURE he sleeps on a strict schedule every single night. That means no sleepovers, and probably the use of evening medications, like an antihistamine to make him sleepy.
    6) Don't call the police unless he stabs you or your life is in danger (this is a hard one for me because I have called the police) but they are not trained in neurological disorders or mental illness and all they'll do is put him in juvie (in a well publicized case in VA, parents of a schizoaffective son called the police, who shot and killed him. NOT what they intended!). The police call may teach him a lesson once, but it will not do any long-term teaching.
    7) Figure out his triggers (perhaps with-the help of a therapist, or have your own home sessions once or twice a wk) to discuss what you could have done differently during times of escalation.
    8) Understand that he is very literal. If he enters someone else's house and insists he didn't break in, it's probably because the door was unlocked.
    9) Make sure he has interventions in school, and an IEP if he's in a public school. That probably means shorter class sessions, one-on-one, and more repetition. It should also mean lots of exercise.
    10) Speaking of exercise, tire him out! Get him in a sport he likes. Over the yrs, we tried ice skating, horseback riding, soccer, karate, and baseball and my son loves baseball. He's going to do football in a yr or two, and probably track.
    We only go horseback riding on vacation, but he is SO calm on a horse, he doesn't even need his Adderall.
    11) Make sure you and your spouse are on the same page. If one of you does one thing and the other the opposite, your son will be very confused and angry. Any kid will learn how to play parents against one another, but with-Aspies you have to be even more consistent, in my humble opinion.
    Last edited: May 2, 2009
  6. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome-glad you found us as you will find much support here. Hugs.