Newbie and Desperate

[stefi62]

Hi I'm brand new to this forum and desperate for help. I'm going to try and give as much info as I can.

My son is 4 years old. He hasn't missed any milestones,and he is very intelligent. He uses adult words and has an incredible memory. He gets obsessed with a subject and wont let it go for months. When he meets someone new all he wants to talk about is his newest obsession. If someone talks about something other then that he ignores them or changes the subject back.
He has an extreme problem with discipline. If he is told to do something he has a melt down. He has told both me and my husband he hates us. If he does something wrong he blames it on us. If we take a toy away he plots how to get it back. Instead of feeling bad when he is naughty he somehow turns it all around until its somehow our fault. If he is hurt or upset he wont let us comfort him and he has been that way since he was a toddler. He follows me around and tries to annoy me. He loves to push my buttons,and he loves when I am angry. When I tell him I'm angry he laughs. He has no remorse for his actions. He is mean to our dog. He also tells my mom something that has happened,and then twists it all around to his favor. Then he'll tell her I'm mean to him,or I'm jealous of him,or that he doesn't trust me..

Our house is in constant chaos and hes constantly battling us for control.I love my son more then anything and I'm so desperate for some kind of answer for why he acts this way. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[SRL]

Hi Stefi62, I'm sorry you had to find us but I'm glad you did.

We're just parents here so obviously we don't diagnose but I would encourage you to look into Asperger's Syndrome. It's the highest functioning of the Autistic Spectrum Disorders--often the kids look super smart (little professors) because of their speech and topics of interest. It's usually not picked up by pediatricians in their screenings because most developmental milestones are hit.

It's likely as you read through it you'll see some traits that fit and others that don't.
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/


There's a good article about how to go about getting a referal from a pediatrician here. Even if you decide your son's issues don't fall in this realm, the evaluation process is still valid for other neurological and/or behavioral problems.

Let us know if this rings a bell and we'll go from there.

Hang in there--we were all the desperate for help moms at some point and things really can get better once you get a grasp of what's going on neurologically and get the right strategies in place.

 

[Marguerite]

It could be Asperger's, or it could be something else again. The degree of obsession would fit, even with changing topics. The need to be in control of his environment also fits, but again, it could fit other diagnoses as well.

Strong suggestion on the discipline front - read "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. There is a link about this book on this forum too, read that as well to give you a bit of an advance idea.
The book isn't a cure, but it does make life a bit easier by putting the discipline into a different format which is more likely to work wit a child who needs to control. It can look like you've abdicated responsibility and handed control to the child, but in fact it is not. It IS taking a step back in some areas though, but this is not anarchy, it is instead a very effective way to use the child's need to control and turn it into self-control.
I found it also made my life easier, it made for a calmer household, and it's turning difficult child 3 into a responsible individual far sooner than we would have expected.

This is something you can do in the meantime, while waiting for more concrete answers about exactly what he's dealing with.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

I'm also thinking Aspergers. It sure sounds a lot like it.I'd see a neuropsychologist.