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Newbie at breaking point...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 309969" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It's not just in hypomania. In difficult child 3 (and also to a lesser extent in easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she was younger) there was a lack of recognition that people are different. It's the ultimate in equality - difficult child 3 would see everyone as his equal - equal in capability, in understanding, in status.</p><p></p><p>He would talk to a baby as if that baby was his mental equivalent. He was reading a book to a baby, asked the baby for feedback ("Is Spot hiding under the table?") when the baby was only six monthe old and simply enjoying someone making eye contact and talking.</p><p></p><p>Similarly, I would hear my own words and gesturs coming back at me when (in the mind of the child) I nedded to be "told" because I was not giving the responses the child wanted. A very young easy child 2/difficult child 2 standing in the kitchen, hands on hips when I had just poured a glass of milk, saying firmly, "I said I wanted JUICE! Why don't you ever pay attention?"</p><p></p><p>It's not always hypomania. These kids are on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) scale in our house, the problem is a lack of social relativity. But it can sure LOOK like hypomania at times! However, it responds really well to the right 'touch', and that is - we SHOW them by our behaviour, what we require of them. Just as my juice-demanding daughter had clearly learned her posture and language from me, I had to change my ways and model what I wanted from the kids, in order to eventually get it from them. </p><p></p><p>Punishments never worked. Taking stuff away only triggered the most appalling tantrums and never taught anything. We took the approach (eventually) that if the discipline method wasn't working, then why persist with it?</p><p></p><p>And a word about the bio-dad's environment - that may be working well for the boy (while he's there) because dad is exerting absolutely zero control. So the boy gets into his own self-developed routine. I bet if Dad said to him one day, "While you're here I made arrqangesments for us to go to the museum, I know you like museums," there would be an almightly rage (even if the boy DOES like museums) because Dad just moved the goalposts.</p><p></p><p>The problems you have on his return, are problably transition issues. These need tolerance and calm understanding. And firm consistency. Be gentle with him but make it clear - your rules are your rtules in your house. You can discuss them with him, but until you all agree on a change, your rules stay.</p><p></p><p>Part of the problem also, is his own sens of being out of balance after a bio-dad visit. The wide variation in rules. He just needs to be reassured that those rules have not been changed without his knowing.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 309969, member: 1991"] It's not just in hypomania. In difficult child 3 (and also to a lesser extent in easy child 2/difficult child 2 when she was younger) there was a lack of recognition that people are different. It's the ultimate in equality - difficult child 3 would see everyone as his equal - equal in capability, in understanding, in status. He would talk to a baby as if that baby was his mental equivalent. He was reading a book to a baby, asked the baby for feedback ("Is Spot hiding under the table?") when the baby was only six monthe old and simply enjoying someone making eye contact and talking. Similarly, I would hear my own words and gesturs coming back at me when (in the mind of the child) I nedded to be "told" because I was not giving the responses the child wanted. A very young easy child 2/difficult child 2 standing in the kitchen, hands on hips when I had just poured a glass of milk, saying firmly, "I said I wanted JUICE! Why don't you ever pay attention?" It's not always hypomania. These kids are on the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) scale in our house, the problem is a lack of social relativity. But it can sure LOOK like hypomania at times! However, it responds really well to the right 'touch', and that is - we SHOW them by our behaviour, what we require of them. Just as my juice-demanding daughter had clearly learned her posture and language from me, I had to change my ways and model what I wanted from the kids, in order to eventually get it from them. Punishments never worked. Taking stuff away only triggered the most appalling tantrums and never taught anything. We took the approach (eventually) that if the discipline method wasn't working, then why persist with it? And a word about the bio-dad's environment - that may be working well for the boy (while he's there) because dad is exerting absolutely zero control. So the boy gets into his own self-developed routine. I bet if Dad said to him one day, "While you're here I made arrqangesments for us to go to the museum, I know you like museums," there would be an almightly rage (even if the boy DOES like museums) because Dad just moved the goalposts. The problems you have on his return, are problably transition issues. These need tolerance and calm understanding. And firm consistency. Be gentle with him but make it clear - your rules are your rtules in your house. You can discuss them with him, but until you all agree on a change, your rules stay. Part of the problem also, is his own sens of being out of balance after a bio-dad visit. The wide variation in rules. He just needs to be reassured that those rules have not been changed without his knowing. Marg [/QUOTE]
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