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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 290339" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! I am glad you found us, but sorry you needed to find us. </p><p></p><p>My husband and I once saw a highly recommended therapist who said he couldn't TELL us what to do but to read a certain book and follow it exactly. It said to use a BELT and spank our child for defiance. (The author had already written a book and some articles that apologized for that and begged parents to throw away the old copies of the book and said spanking is not acceptable for any child for any reason. - these hadn't been published yet, but came out 3 months later.)</p><p></p><p>We used the belt. Three times. After each time we felt so horrible about the situation. We said no more. We apologized to our difficult child (he now says it didn't hurt that bad, but he saw we felt bad and played it up. Not sure I believe it though.)</p><p></p><p>Each of us makes mistakes. It sounds like you learned from yours. THAT is what is important. Kids don't come with instruction books after all.</p><p></p><p>I am just wondering if the biomom didn't abuse him in some way. With her reaction to you, maybe she punished him using the excuse that he reminded her of you, or some equally cruel things.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't let gma anywhere near him. Not for any reason. There is no excuse for asking him to say he wants to come home. If you allow gma to speak to him again, do it on speakerphone where you can listen in. At the first mention of coming home tell her that she is not allowed to speak to him about that as it is the decision of the courts that he not be with her. And that would be the last phonecall I would permit.</p><p></p><p>If the gma had been taking him to a psychiatrist, therapists, etc and telling the truth instead of the lies she and her daughter concocted then I would be all for visits. But she didn't.</p><p></p><p>Now, it is nice that you have and "in" with the Special Education dept. HOWEVER that will not protect your son. THIS WEEK write a letter (go to the sp ed part of this forum for help - the ladies there can send you a sample letter to modify for your situation.) requesting an IEP and full testing. Regardless of your aunt, send this letter by certified mail, signature required. Do NOT skip this stage. This puts into place FEDERAL guidelines protecting your son. Zero tolerance does NOT apply after you request the IEP. It also will let the school put supports in place by the first day of school. He will be making new friends, and needs to be in a supportive atmosphere so the kids don't start off scared by his actions.</p><p></p><p>Call the insurance company to find a psychiatrist. And an occupational therapist who is trained in sensory integration disorder (where the brain doesn't handle sensory info properly), and also find a neuropsychologist. The school does NOT do multidisciplinary evaluations (MDE), they do their own battery of tests but it is NOT multidisciplinary. The MDE is a great idea, it has a number of professionals each testing and watching your son so you get a better picture of what is going on. Contact a children's or teaching hospital to find a MDE. Or find a neuropsychologist to do testing (or both sets of testing can be done, but usually you can only find either the MDE or neuropsychologist. Your insurance co may or may not know of neuropsychs in your area.</p><p></p><p>It is really important to make those calls as soon as possible. It may take a few days to find places and get appointments. There will be a wait. If you need to, you can call one doctor and get on their list and call a few more to see if the wait time is shorter. Just remember to cancel any appts you are not planning to attend. </p><p></p><p>It might be something your lawyer can help with, finding a therapist and psychiatrist (therapist or psychiatrist). I know my bro's atty gave some recommendations when he needed a FAST appointment because his ex had a new boyfriend and my niece said he touched her. The boyfriend had only been a boyfriend for less than a week. </p><p></p><p>I second the book recommendations and want to add a few. The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene, The Bipolar Child by Papalous, The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun both by Kranowitz.</p><p></p><p>The Bipolar Child is a must read, though it is rather long. With his mom being bipolar, the chances that he is bipolar are high. But in kids it presents differently, drastically differently. I also suggest you find a sample mood chart and use it. You don't need to buy it, just google mood chart and then use the categories that make sense to you. Keep the chart for a few months, or for as long as possible. It will help you examine whatever you are doing to see if it is helping. Even if he isn't BiPolar (BP), it will give insight.</p><p></p><p>Sensory Integration Disorder describes a brain glitch where a person does not handle input from the senses appropriately. It is important to have difficult child tested for this because it is teh ONE thing that a non-invasive therapy is proven to create new pathways in the brain to handle input. The therapy is called brushing. It uses a surgical scrub brush (the Occupational Therapist (OT) will give you one) rubbed on the body in a specific way. And only on certain parts of the body, brushing is bad for some areas, like the abdomen. It can cause real digestive problems if you brush the belly, (I guess kids really are different from puppies, LOL!) After you brush you then do gentle joint compressions. It is an almost instant change in many kids. </p><p></p><p>The Out of Sync Child book describes Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and how the brushing therapy helps. It also explains what a sensory diet is and how to provide the right sensory diet for your child.</p><p></p><p>The Has Fun book describes a LOT of activities that are fun and help provide the sensory diet your child needs. The author also has ways to make the equipment used for the activities less expensive. ALL the family will enjoy many of the fun things!</p><p></p><p>I guess I have written a book for you. I hope it isn't too much.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 290339, member: 1233"] Welcome! I am glad you found us, but sorry you needed to find us. My husband and I once saw a highly recommended therapist who said he couldn't TELL us what to do but to read a certain book and follow it exactly. It said to use a BELT and spank our child for defiance. (The author had already written a book and some articles that apologized for that and begged parents to throw away the old copies of the book and said spanking is not acceptable for any child for any reason. - these hadn't been published yet, but came out 3 months later.) We used the belt. Three times. After each time we felt so horrible about the situation. We said no more. We apologized to our difficult child (he now says it didn't hurt that bad, but he saw we felt bad and played it up. Not sure I believe it though.) Each of us makes mistakes. It sounds like you learned from yours. THAT is what is important. Kids don't come with instruction books after all. I am just wondering if the biomom didn't abuse him in some way. With her reaction to you, maybe she punished him using the excuse that he reminded her of you, or some equally cruel things. I wouldn't let gma anywhere near him. Not for any reason. There is no excuse for asking him to say he wants to come home. If you allow gma to speak to him again, do it on speakerphone where you can listen in. At the first mention of coming home tell her that she is not allowed to speak to him about that as it is the decision of the courts that he not be with her. And that would be the last phonecall I would permit. If the gma had been taking him to a psychiatrist, therapists, etc and telling the truth instead of the lies she and her daughter concocted then I would be all for visits. But she didn't. Now, it is nice that you have and "in" with the Special Education dept. HOWEVER that will not protect your son. THIS WEEK write a letter (go to the sp ed part of this forum for help - the ladies there can send you a sample letter to modify for your situation.) requesting an IEP and full testing. Regardless of your aunt, send this letter by certified mail, signature required. Do NOT skip this stage. This puts into place FEDERAL guidelines protecting your son. Zero tolerance does NOT apply after you request the IEP. It also will let the school put supports in place by the first day of school. He will be making new friends, and needs to be in a supportive atmosphere so the kids don't start off scared by his actions. Call the insurance company to find a psychiatrist. And an occupational therapist who is trained in sensory integration disorder (where the brain doesn't handle sensory info properly), and also find a neuropsychologist. The school does NOT do multidisciplinary evaluations (MDE), they do their own battery of tests but it is NOT multidisciplinary. The MDE is a great idea, it has a number of professionals each testing and watching your son so you get a better picture of what is going on. Contact a children's or teaching hospital to find a MDE. Or find a neuropsychologist to do testing (or both sets of testing can be done, but usually you can only find either the MDE or neuropsychologist. Your insurance co may or may not know of neuropsychs in your area. It is really important to make those calls as soon as possible. It may take a few days to find places and get appointments. There will be a wait. If you need to, you can call one doctor and get on their list and call a few more to see if the wait time is shorter. Just remember to cancel any appts you are not planning to attend. It might be something your lawyer can help with, finding a therapist and psychiatrist (therapist or psychiatrist). I know my bro's atty gave some recommendations when he needed a FAST appointment because his ex had a new boyfriend and my niece said he touched her. The boyfriend had only been a boyfriend for less than a week. I second the book recommendations and want to add a few. The Explosive Child, by Ross Greene, The Bipolar Child by Papalous, The Out of Sync Child and The Out of Sync Child Has Fun both by Kranowitz. The Bipolar Child is a must read, though it is rather long. With his mom being bipolar, the chances that he is bipolar are high. But in kids it presents differently, drastically differently. I also suggest you find a sample mood chart and use it. You don't need to buy it, just google mood chart and then use the categories that make sense to you. Keep the chart for a few months, or for as long as possible. It will help you examine whatever you are doing to see if it is helping. Even if he isn't BiPolar (BP), it will give insight. Sensory Integration Disorder describes a brain glitch where a person does not handle input from the senses appropriately. It is important to have difficult child tested for this because it is teh ONE thing that a non-invasive therapy is proven to create new pathways in the brain to handle input. The therapy is called brushing. It uses a surgical scrub brush (the Occupational Therapist (OT) will give you one) rubbed on the body in a specific way. And only on certain parts of the body, brushing is bad for some areas, like the abdomen. It can cause real digestive problems if you brush the belly, (I guess kids really are different from puppies, LOL!) After you brush you then do gentle joint compressions. It is an almost instant change in many kids. The Out of Sync Child book describes Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) and how the brushing therapy helps. It also explains what a sensory diet is and how to provide the right sensory diet for your child. The Has Fun book describes a LOT of activities that are fun and help provide the sensory diet your child needs. The author also has ways to make the equipment used for the activities less expensive. ALL the family will enjoy many of the fun things! I guess I have written a book for you. I hope it isn't too much. [/QUOTE]
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