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<blockquote data-quote="w_woody" data-source="post: 291396" data-attributes="member: 7714"><p>I took D to his supervised visit yesterday. I kept my distance staying within earshot and visual range during his entire visit. I guess I should have taken notes to pass along to his counciler. I noticed a few things, he spent a great deal of time interacting with his maternal grandmother and at one point (they gave him a mylar balloon on the end of an 3ft plastic stick) I saw him lash out aggressively at his grandmother strking her with the balloon. They simply shrugged it off, basically ignoring it. I started that direction to ask what happened but they had went about their business with his small birthday party and my father who was with me told me to leave it alone that I didn't want to upset him by causing a scene then and there.</p><p> </p><p>I guess I should have called it quits right there but I wasn't entirely sure I had seen what I saw until I spoke with D after the party. </p><p> </p><p>He admitted striking his gm but wouldn't say what for. I saw no precursers to the event I just saw him lash out. </p><p> </p><p>Today, it's like we are seeing the old D again. Very hostile toward my wife, telling her he didn't have to listen to her while I wasn't around, getting agressive and throwing things (which we confiscated) and it's the exact same behavior we saw from him when we would get him before on weekends. He lost his allowance for today because we placed throwing things on the board to concentrate on trying to eliminate that behavior. We had noticed a remarkable change with D over the last few weeks but it's like after his visit yesterday he was back to his old self this AM.</p><p> </p><p>This afternoon however we started to see an improvement and he seemed to fall back into his regular routine. I'm concerned this is a clear sign that there are some unresolved issues in his mother's home with his grandmother that need to be addressed. I'm not sure what to about it. I'm going to mention this to his counciler and see if she can focus in on what these issues may be.</p><p> </p><p>His mother had suggested unsupervised visitation being allowed but I'm reluctant after what I've seen over the last 24 hours...it's very upsetting to me that his progress very quickly went out the window after the visitation yesterday. </p><p> </p><p>D very rarely mentions his mother. When he has asked to call his maternal family (which I have allowed and encourage) he's always asking about calling and talking to his gm not his mom. There seems to be a wide distance between D and his mom, I have always sensed a power struggle going on between his mom and his gm over whom has authority. I think this may be part of the problems D's had. I have been reading everything I can when it comes to D's problems from info on ODD and childhood Bi-Polar to the recommendations everyone here has made. Yet I have suspected that he might actually have Reactive Attachment Disorder...which seems to carry almost all the signs and symptoms of ODD and other mood disorders but comes from his failure to form a maternal bond with his mom. Like almost all children do. His mom took care of D for the first 9 months of his life before she finally returned to work, but during that time as soon as I came home it was like "here...it's your turn." Then after she returned to work D spent most of his time with me...for the next 3 years while his mom worked 2nd and 3rd shifts. I was in charge of keeping him up late so she could sleep in after working, then I would get up and go to work early, come home before she left for work, which meant D and her where only up together for a few hours, and I was back in charge. She insisted that he not go to daycare. Then after she left he was staying with his maternal gm and girlfriend, then his mom moved out and in with her gm, then d moved in with his great gm and mom, then back to his maternal gm and girlfriend, and then I was allowed unsupervised visitation again, and it was back with me on weekends, and then back to gm and girlfriend through the week and he never knew when his mom was or wasn't living with him. I mean it's almost as if he was being moved around so much, so much instability, he was just like a foster kid...never knowing where home really was...and after being seperated from me after spending so much time with me...but I don't know. </p><p> </p><p>I'm not a Dr...i'm working on finding him a neuropsychologist now...and we're going to start a new week with the allowance board...he earned 5 dollars this week so he's actually done really well only missing 2 days worth of cash. Hopefully this week he can make the whole 7.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="w_woody, post: 291396, member: 7714"] I took D to his supervised visit yesterday. I kept my distance staying within earshot and visual range during his entire visit. I guess I should have taken notes to pass along to his counciler. I noticed a few things, he spent a great deal of time interacting with his maternal grandmother and at one point (they gave him a mylar balloon on the end of an 3ft plastic stick) I saw him lash out aggressively at his grandmother strking her with the balloon. They simply shrugged it off, basically ignoring it. I started that direction to ask what happened but they had went about their business with his small birthday party and my father who was with me told me to leave it alone that I didn't want to upset him by causing a scene then and there. I guess I should have called it quits right there but I wasn't entirely sure I had seen what I saw until I spoke with D after the party. He admitted striking his gm but wouldn't say what for. I saw no precursers to the event I just saw him lash out. Today, it's like we are seeing the old D again. Very hostile toward my wife, telling her he didn't have to listen to her while I wasn't around, getting agressive and throwing things (which we confiscated) and it's the exact same behavior we saw from him when we would get him before on weekends. He lost his allowance for today because we placed throwing things on the board to concentrate on trying to eliminate that behavior. We had noticed a remarkable change with D over the last few weeks but it's like after his visit yesterday he was back to his old self this AM. This afternoon however we started to see an improvement and he seemed to fall back into his regular routine. I'm concerned this is a clear sign that there are some unresolved issues in his mother's home with his grandmother that need to be addressed. I'm not sure what to about it. I'm going to mention this to his counciler and see if she can focus in on what these issues may be. His mother had suggested unsupervised visitation being allowed but I'm reluctant after what I've seen over the last 24 hours...it's very upsetting to me that his progress very quickly went out the window after the visitation yesterday. D very rarely mentions his mother. When he has asked to call his maternal family (which I have allowed and encourage) he's always asking about calling and talking to his gm not his mom. There seems to be a wide distance between D and his mom, I have always sensed a power struggle going on between his mom and his gm over whom has authority. I think this may be part of the problems D's had. I have been reading everything I can when it comes to D's problems from info on ODD and childhood Bi-Polar to the recommendations everyone here has made. Yet I have suspected that he might actually have Reactive Attachment Disorder...which seems to carry almost all the signs and symptoms of ODD and other mood disorders but comes from his failure to form a maternal bond with his mom. Like almost all children do. His mom took care of D for the first 9 months of his life before she finally returned to work, but during that time as soon as I came home it was like "here...it's your turn." Then after she returned to work D spent most of his time with me...for the next 3 years while his mom worked 2nd and 3rd shifts. I was in charge of keeping him up late so she could sleep in after working, then I would get up and go to work early, come home before she left for work, which meant D and her where only up together for a few hours, and I was back in charge. She insisted that he not go to daycare. Then after she left he was staying with his maternal gm and girlfriend, then his mom moved out and in with her gm, then d moved in with his great gm and mom, then back to his maternal gm and girlfriend, and then I was allowed unsupervised visitation again, and it was back with me on weekends, and then back to gm and girlfriend through the week and he never knew when his mom was or wasn't living with him. I mean it's almost as if he was being moved around so much, so much instability, he was just like a foster kid...never knowing where home really was...and after being seperated from me after spending so much time with me...but I don't know. I'm not a Dr...i'm working on finding him a neuropsychologist now...and we're going to start a new week with the allowance board...he earned 5 dollars this week so he's actually done really well only missing 2 days worth of cash. Hopefully this week he can make the whole 7. [/QUOTE]
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