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<blockquote data-quote="w_woody" data-source="post: 292509" data-attributes="member: 7714"><p>D's kind of hard to explain. He's actually very pick and choose when it comes to whom he'll listen and follow directions from.</p><p> </p><p>Sunday after his visit with his mom, it was like the same old D was back in our house. Very defiant, aggressive, and lashing out at my wife. With me he was the same as he always is, it's just he lashes out at me when I intervene with the conflict between him and my wife. Usually he'll comply when I ask him to do something, but refuse if my wife asks him to do the same thing. He's even bad to tell her, "My daddy can't see me, (or hear me)...My daddy's not here...etc."</p><p> </p><p>He's been back to his aggressive tendencies all week, but only when my wife is home. She was off from work today (I'm stay at home with the kids because I'm laid off as a home designer, and right now...nobody wants a new house.) It was on from early this morning. He threw a small notebook at my wife and hit our 2 year old easy child and put a small scratch on her face. I wasn't in the room at the time. The truth is I'm not seeing most of these acts...he intentionally waits until I'm out of the room. I've had to hide from his visual range to see most of these things and hear him saying the things he does.</p><p> </p><p>He's directed his aggression directly at my wife. I sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it this am, I told him to tell me how it makes him feel when she comes around him and he said he wants to hit her, throw something at her, etc. I asked him if he felt mad at her. He said yes, but when I asked if he knew why he was angry at her and he shrugged and said "I don't know." </p><p> </p><p>Prior to the visit this aggression had toned down and almost dissappeared toward my wife. He had been making a solid effort to not act in this fashion. Yet immediately after his visit it was business as usual.</p><p> </p><p> A year or so ago we thought it had something to do with our marriage, (his mom wouldn't let him attend) or the birth of our other easy child's. There was even the possibility that his mother had been telling him things that wheren't true about my wife. For the longest we thought he was specifically targeting my wife. Yet, last year as soon as I was able to get in contact with my school, he was doing the exact same things toward his teacher. When the teacher would work with the class teaching some new task, he would follow along. When she gave an assignment and worked it through with the class...he would follow along. When she gave him a worksheet to assess his ability to do the task on his own...he would shut down and refuse to complete it. It was like he lacked the initial self confidence to commit to doing what he had already demonstrated he could do. When the teacher would push him to try, he would lash out. Yet the teacher kept at him, making copies of the sheets and would keep at him to complete them...which he eventually would and she would grade it and he would pass. He's made excellet grades in school. A's and B's. He does exceptionally well in math.</p><p> </p><p>These outbursts in class toward his teacher (whom he spoke highly of, and even told the principle he loved) was what prompted the maternal gm, bc D's mom said she couldn't control him, to go and sit with him in the classroom for the last 2 months of school. Her way of dealing with D when he began a meltdown by refusing to complete the work was to come up and drape her arms around him, console him, baby talk to him and try and walk him through the task. The teacher commented on how this seemed to make D want to hug and cuddle on his GM throughout the class. D told me that 2 other children in the class wanted to "Earn" having someone come and sit with him.</p><p> </p><p>The counciler's have video taped one of these meltdowns and he refused to even go along with his GM and tried to run out of the class room one of the tatics he would use to try and escape the task, she grabbed hold of his arm and they got into a smacking match in the middle of the class room. The teacher commented that his GM helped her because she no longer had to deal with the violence, but that when GM wasn't in the class room it was business as usual.</p><p> </p><p>It points to a pattern of not recognisng female authority. It seems he has less of a problem complying with male authourity, but when a female is in charge he becomes combative.</p><p> </p><p>D's been really doing well with the allowance chart. He's working hard at completing the tasks. I got him a grade 2 level workbook from the store and have added it to the task list this week, and he's doing rather well in it. Again he's excel's at the math and lags with the language but he's putting fouth a solid effort to do it without any meltdowns. I had hoped that this would encourage him to complete his work at school, because I'm trying to make him do it on his own as much as possible, only helping him when he really has trouble so that he's learning to take that initial step, teaching him to say to himself, "I can do it." I'm also not "grading" any of it, I'm checking it for accuracy with the directions and when he's not followed them I'll erase the work and get him to re-read the directions, make sure he understands what he needs to do and then let him go at it again.</p><p> </p><p>It's just difficult trying to sort through his behavior and find a positive way to correct what's going on when a majority of the issues he's having aren't with me, done to me, or even around me. wife has had a difficult time and she has tried some of the things I've asked but we are of 2 minds on the whole issue as to how to handle it and we've butted heads as much as D and I have.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="w_woody, post: 292509, member: 7714"] D's kind of hard to explain. He's actually very pick and choose when it comes to whom he'll listen and follow directions from. Sunday after his visit with his mom, it was like the same old D was back in our house. Very defiant, aggressive, and lashing out at my wife. With me he was the same as he always is, it's just he lashes out at me when I intervene with the conflict between him and my wife. Usually he'll comply when I ask him to do something, but refuse if my wife asks him to do the same thing. He's even bad to tell her, "My daddy can't see me, (or hear me)...My daddy's not here...etc." He's been back to his aggressive tendencies all week, but only when my wife is home. She was off from work today (I'm stay at home with the kids because I'm laid off as a home designer, and right now...nobody wants a new house.) It was on from early this morning. He threw a small notebook at my wife and hit our 2 year old easy child and put a small scratch on her face. I wasn't in the room at the time. The truth is I'm not seeing most of these acts...he intentionally waits until I'm out of the room. I've had to hide from his visual range to see most of these things and hear him saying the things he does. He's directed his aggression directly at my wife. I sat down with him and tried to talk to him about it this am, I told him to tell me how it makes him feel when she comes around him and he said he wants to hit her, throw something at her, etc. I asked him if he felt mad at her. He said yes, but when I asked if he knew why he was angry at her and he shrugged and said "I don't know." Prior to the visit this aggression had toned down and almost dissappeared toward my wife. He had been making a solid effort to not act in this fashion. Yet immediately after his visit it was business as usual. A year or so ago we thought it had something to do with our marriage, (his mom wouldn't let him attend) or the birth of our other easy child's. There was even the possibility that his mother had been telling him things that wheren't true about my wife. For the longest we thought he was specifically targeting my wife. Yet, last year as soon as I was able to get in contact with my school, he was doing the exact same things toward his teacher. When the teacher would work with the class teaching some new task, he would follow along. When she gave an assignment and worked it through with the class...he would follow along. When she gave him a worksheet to assess his ability to do the task on his own...he would shut down and refuse to complete it. It was like he lacked the initial self confidence to commit to doing what he had already demonstrated he could do. When the teacher would push him to try, he would lash out. Yet the teacher kept at him, making copies of the sheets and would keep at him to complete them...which he eventually would and she would grade it and he would pass. He's made excellet grades in school. A's and B's. He does exceptionally well in math. These outbursts in class toward his teacher (whom he spoke highly of, and even told the principle he loved) was what prompted the maternal gm, bc D's mom said she couldn't control him, to go and sit with him in the classroom for the last 2 months of school. Her way of dealing with D when he began a meltdown by refusing to complete the work was to come up and drape her arms around him, console him, baby talk to him and try and walk him through the task. The teacher commented on how this seemed to make D want to hug and cuddle on his GM throughout the class. D told me that 2 other children in the class wanted to "Earn" having someone come and sit with him. The counciler's have video taped one of these meltdowns and he refused to even go along with his GM and tried to run out of the class room one of the tatics he would use to try and escape the task, she grabbed hold of his arm and they got into a smacking match in the middle of the class room. The teacher commented that his GM helped her because she no longer had to deal with the violence, but that when GM wasn't in the class room it was business as usual. It points to a pattern of not recognisng female authority. It seems he has less of a problem complying with male authourity, but when a female is in charge he becomes combative. D's been really doing well with the allowance chart. He's working hard at completing the tasks. I got him a grade 2 level workbook from the store and have added it to the task list this week, and he's doing rather well in it. Again he's excel's at the math and lags with the language but he's putting fouth a solid effort to do it without any meltdowns. I had hoped that this would encourage him to complete his work at school, because I'm trying to make him do it on his own as much as possible, only helping him when he really has trouble so that he's learning to take that initial step, teaching him to say to himself, "I can do it." I'm also not "grading" any of it, I'm checking it for accuracy with the directions and when he's not followed them I'll erase the work and get him to re-read the directions, make sure he understands what he needs to do and then let him go at it again. It's just difficult trying to sort through his behavior and find a positive way to correct what's going on when a majority of the issues he's having aren't with me, done to me, or even around me. wife has had a difficult time and she has tried some of the things I've asked but we are of 2 minds on the whole issue as to how to handle it and we've butted heads as much as D and I have. [/QUOTE]
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