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Parent Emeritus
Newbie--"bad mom" syndrome
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 313694"><p>That "time is up" is an interesting thing.</p><p></p><p>On one hand, friends are sorta right. It's very difficult and confusing for me to say this.</p><p></p><p>The reason I say this, is because after a very long period of time, it really is up to us to take hold of the situation as best as we can. True, the "situation" is almost unbearable and totally unfair.</p><p></p><p>However, be that as it may be, it really is up to us to figure out how WE are going to learn how to COPE.</p><p></p><p>Each one of us has the personal responsibility to figure this out. This might mean getting on medication, getting a therapist, telling our adult 'child' its time to move out, getting into a support group, etc.</p><p></p><p>I DO believe friends SHOULD be very patient with us, since our burdens are great and most (the great majority) of my friends are either clueless about difficult child business or do not face anything even remotely like what I face. I do think this takes gentle care.</p><p></p><p>That is what causes me some confusion....I DO see some folks being unkind, judgmental, unreasonable, heartless...even cruel.</p><p></p><p>So, it's a a little complicated. I do think any 'thinking' friend would realize our situations are complicated/difficult and stressful and I would hope that a real friend would have patience and whenever they are able, offer a little help now and again.</p><p></p><p>At the same time, I do think we need to have a little empathy for our friends and not overburden them with our grief and we have a responsibility to ourselves to find solutions for our very difficult 'situation.'</p><p></p><p>by the way, I have noticed that the more I take hold of my situation, the more my friends comprehend the difficulties I face and have faced. When my burdens are 'over the top,' I might ask for some help, but I tend only ask for help ocassionally. I find that I have more energy to help others and it is good to be in a reciprocal situation...as it should be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 313694"] That "time is up" is an interesting thing. On one hand, friends are sorta right. It's very difficult and confusing for me to say this. The reason I say this, is because after a very long period of time, it really is up to us to take hold of the situation as best as we can. True, the "situation" is almost unbearable and totally unfair. However, be that as it may be, it really is up to us to figure out how WE are going to learn how to COPE. Each one of us has the personal responsibility to figure this out. This might mean getting on medication, getting a therapist, telling our adult 'child' its time to move out, getting into a support group, etc. I DO believe friends SHOULD be very patient with us, since our burdens are great and most (the great majority) of my friends are either clueless about difficult child business or do not face anything even remotely like what I face. I do think this takes gentle care. That is what causes me some confusion....I DO see some folks being unkind, judgmental, unreasonable, heartless...even cruel. So, it's a a little complicated. I do think any 'thinking' friend would realize our situations are complicated/difficult and stressful and I would hope that a real friend would have patience and whenever they are able, offer a little help now and again. At the same time, I do think we need to have a little empathy for our friends and not overburden them with our grief and we have a responsibility to ourselves to find solutions for our very difficult 'situation.' by the way, I have noticed that the more I take hold of my situation, the more my friends comprehend the difficulties I face and have faced. When my burdens are 'over the top,' I might ask for some help, but I tend only ask for help ocassionally. I find that I have more energy to help others and it is good to be in a reciprocal situation...as it should be. [/QUOTE]
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