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Parent Emeritus
Newbie--"bad mom" syndrome
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 313712" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Welcome! I am coming in late on this thread, but want to welcome you. I know you never wanted to need a group like this one, but you are now among the smartest, most inventive, kind and compassionate group of parents that exists! (Aren't you lucky!)</p><p></p><p>We don't throw stones or judge. If we mess up, we apologize, we may get up on our soapboxes now and again but we don't mind if you ask us to get down. </p><p></p><p>First things first - ((((((HUG!!))))))</p><p></p><p>Having lived with a child who abused me physically, I do know much of what you are feeling. You simply had no choice but to get her out of the home. It is very much not safe for your 8yo. I would bet that as the little one realized that difficult child isn't moving back she will tell you more stuff difficult child did to her. been there done that there also.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE contact the domestic violence center in your community. They can provide free therapy for you and your daughter. YOU ARE A VICTIM AND SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.</p><p></p><p>Just because your abuser is your child doesn't make your status as a victim/survivor change. You WILL need help to handle that. the DVcenter may not have dealt with exactly your problem but they can STILL help. </p><p></p><p>You also need to make sure your young one is seeing a very good therapist. You may want to google "sibling abuse" and read some of those books. I cannot remember which ones I read but they were very helpful with the kids at home when I went through something similar.</p><p></p><p>Take care of you and your youngest. Keep the phone off and ignore her texts. Do NOT open the door if she comes and make sure that your youngest knows to not open the door either. If she gets mad that she cannot call you, she may decide to come over to do/get whatever it is she wants. Just don't let her in. Call the police if you have to. It is YOUR home and NO ONE who abuses you should be allowed in.</p><p></p><p>PLEASE be careful. The time when an abuser feels you slipping away is the most dangerous time. Esp if you are now fairly settled in and adjusting to life with-o her in the house. She may want to come by to assert her control and keep you afraid. Don't play into this by letting her come in. Use the police if you need to in order to get her to leave. </p><p></p><p>Many hugs for you and your daughter!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 313712, member: 1233"] Welcome! I am coming in late on this thread, but want to welcome you. I know you never wanted to need a group like this one, but you are now among the smartest, most inventive, kind and compassionate group of parents that exists! (Aren't you lucky!) We don't throw stones or judge. If we mess up, we apologize, we may get up on our soapboxes now and again but we don't mind if you ask us to get down. First things first - ((((((HUG!!)))))) Having lived with a child who abused me physically, I do know much of what you are feeling. You simply had no choice but to get her out of the home. It is very much not safe for your 8yo. I would bet that as the little one realized that difficult child isn't moving back she will tell you more stuff difficult child did to her. been there done that there also. PLEASE contact the domestic violence center in your community. They can provide free therapy for you and your daughter. YOU ARE A VICTIM AND SURVIVOR OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Just because your abuser is your child doesn't make your status as a victim/survivor change. You WILL need help to handle that. the DVcenter may not have dealt with exactly your problem but they can STILL help. You also need to make sure your young one is seeing a very good therapist. You may want to google "sibling abuse" and read some of those books. I cannot remember which ones I read but they were very helpful with the kids at home when I went through something similar. Take care of you and your youngest. Keep the phone off and ignore her texts. Do NOT open the door if she comes and make sure that your youngest knows to not open the door either. If she gets mad that she cannot call you, she may decide to come over to do/get whatever it is she wants. Just don't let her in. Call the police if you have to. It is YOUR home and NO ONE who abuses you should be allowed in. PLEASE be careful. The time when an abuser feels you slipping away is the most dangerous time. Esp if you are now fairly settled in and adjusting to life with-o her in the house. She may want to come by to assert her control and keep you afraid. Don't play into this by letting her come in. Use the police if you need to in order to get her to leave. Many hugs for you and your daughter! [/QUOTE]
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