Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie crash landing
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 326158" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>Welcome! </p><p></p><p>I'm not real familiar with the diagnosis's your difficult child has but VERY familiar with your feelings. I too had trouble with the positve reinforcement because as you said....those are things everyone is SUPPOSED to do. And with my difficult child, if you give him an inch he takes a mile and then expects praise for breathing. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/slap.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":slap:" title="slap :slap:" data-shortname=":slap:" /></p><p></p><p>If you haven't read it already, I would really suggest you get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. He has a way of looking at things that can help you see things in a different way. It is basically a pick your battles type of thing but is very helpful. </p><p></p><p>As for the last paragrah in your post......do you secretly live in my house??? LOL THAT sounds sooooooooo familiar. The best thing I can tell you, and I know it's hard, trust me, is to not engage when he tries to get things fired up. Ignore, walk away, say general but short statements (I'm sorry you feel that way) but do NOT let yourself be drawn in. As I said, it's hard to do, I know but can be verrrrry effective. (and if nothing else, it ticks them off even more which can be kind of entertaining sometimes <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/tongue.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":tongue:" title="tongue :tongue:" data-shortname=":tongue:" /> )</p><p></p><p>As for the food....I hate saying this but....lock it up. Not ALL of it obviously but anything that's an issue. Cereal, sugary snacks, junk food, chips, etc. We have a deadbolt on our bedroom door and shelves in our room specifically for these things. If there is something on the "trouble" list that needs refrigeration, I rarely buy it. I'm right there with you about hating to live behind locked doors in my own house but it, unfortunately, has become a necessity. It took me awhile but I look at it as similar to a medical issue. If there was a physical reason as to why husband and I needed to adjust our house, such as difficult child being in a wheel chair or blind, we would do it. In this case, it's frustrating, inconvenient and irksome but needed. Also, check with the school...at one point I was able to limit what difficult child could buy to a point. It didn't work 100% the way I would have liked but it did help. </p><p></p><p>Is difficult child in counseling/therapy? Ask the provider or start calling around. Some places and/or programs offer respite if you don't trust difficult child to stay alone for a couple of hours. Sometimes it's only for a few hours and sometimes it is for a weekend but look into it. You and your husband HAVE to have some time together or simply without difficult child. With us, when difficult child was younger he would spend spring break and a week or two during the summer with some members of his bio family. (We adopted him from foster care). As he got older, this fell by the wayside unfortunately but we lived for those nights he slept at a friends. And, sad as it is to say, hospitalizations and his two stints in our local juvie facility. We didn't like the circumstances but took advantage of the break whenever we had the chance. </p><p></p><p>I would also check to see if there are any programs in your area for kids like your difficult child. Sometimes there are social groups, acitivity or even tutoring groups and those can both help difficult child and give you a break now and then. Even if there is nothing like that in your area, you may find a lead to something else that could work to your advantage. Unfortunately, it seems that programs for difficult child's aren't well advertised and a lot of people don't know about them.</p><p></p><p>Again, welcome. You have found a great place in this board. Not only is it a wealth of information and advice but for me it's been a sanity saver. The people here understand, share the twisted humor difficult child parents develop and best of all THEY GET IT!!! That alone was huge for me. Be sure to check out the Watercooler as that's where all of the funnies usually wind up. If nothing else, the stress relief/support factor alone is enough to make this board worth it for me. The rest, while fantastic to have, is a bonus. Know what I mean??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 326158, member: 2459"] Welcome! I'm not real familiar with the diagnosis's your difficult child has but VERY familiar with your feelings. I too had trouble with the positve reinforcement because as you said....those are things everyone is SUPPOSED to do. And with my difficult child, if you give him an inch he takes a mile and then expects praise for breathing. :slap: If you haven't read it already, I would really suggest you get the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. He has a way of looking at things that can help you see things in a different way. It is basically a pick your battles type of thing but is very helpful. As for the last paragrah in your post......do you secretly live in my house??? LOL THAT sounds sooooooooo familiar. The best thing I can tell you, and I know it's hard, trust me, is to not engage when he tries to get things fired up. Ignore, walk away, say general but short statements (I'm sorry you feel that way) but do NOT let yourself be drawn in. As I said, it's hard to do, I know but can be verrrrry effective. (and if nothing else, it ticks them off even more which can be kind of entertaining sometimes :raspberry-tounge: ) As for the food....I hate saying this but....lock it up. Not ALL of it obviously but anything that's an issue. Cereal, sugary snacks, junk food, chips, etc. We have a deadbolt on our bedroom door and shelves in our room specifically for these things. If there is something on the "trouble" list that needs refrigeration, I rarely buy it. I'm right there with you about hating to live behind locked doors in my own house but it, unfortunately, has become a necessity. It took me awhile but I look at it as similar to a medical issue. If there was a physical reason as to why husband and I needed to adjust our house, such as difficult child being in a wheel chair or blind, we would do it. In this case, it's frustrating, inconvenient and irksome but needed. Also, check with the school...at one point I was able to limit what difficult child could buy to a point. It didn't work 100% the way I would have liked but it did help. Is difficult child in counseling/therapy? Ask the provider or start calling around. Some places and/or programs offer respite if you don't trust difficult child to stay alone for a couple of hours. Sometimes it's only for a few hours and sometimes it is for a weekend but look into it. You and your husband HAVE to have some time together or simply without difficult child. With us, when difficult child was younger he would spend spring break and a week or two during the summer with some members of his bio family. (We adopted him from foster care). As he got older, this fell by the wayside unfortunately but we lived for those nights he slept at a friends. And, sad as it is to say, hospitalizations and his two stints in our local juvie facility. We didn't like the circumstances but took advantage of the break whenever we had the chance. I would also check to see if there are any programs in your area for kids like your difficult child. Sometimes there are social groups, acitivity or even tutoring groups and those can both help difficult child and give you a break now and then. Even if there is nothing like that in your area, you may find a lead to something else that could work to your advantage. Unfortunately, it seems that programs for difficult child's aren't well advertised and a lot of people don't know about them. Again, welcome. You have found a great place in this board. Not only is it a wealth of information and advice but for me it's been a sanity saver. The people here understand, share the twisted humor difficult child parents develop and best of all THEY GET IT!!! That alone was huge for me. Be sure to check out the Watercooler as that's where all of the funnies usually wind up. If nothing else, the stress relief/support factor alone is enough to make this board worth it for me. The rest, while fantastic to have, is a bonus. Know what I mean?? [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Newbie crash landing
Top