Newbie here! Desperate need of Help! Very Long Post!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by thekidsmademedoit, Jan 4, 2007.

  1. thekidsmademedoit

    thekidsmademedoit New Member

    Hi everyone!

    I'm new here! My name is Becky and I'm 23. I have 2 kids. Mckenzie will be 6 this month and Tyler will be 3 in July. My kid's father and I live together and have been together for almost 8 years. He works full time as an electrician and makes good money, but somehow the bank account is always over-drawn and bills are past due. I stay at home with the kids and since Sept 06 I've been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Interstitial Cystitis, both chronic, painful and incurable! Trying to cope with this ontop of everything else. I also suffer from Depression, Anxiety and Insomnnia. This is going to be long bc I'm absolutly desperate!!!! I hope these posts don't have word limits! lol

    I love my kids to death but I'm at a loss! I can't take it anymore with my ds. I've been saying, practicly since the kid was born, that there was something wrong with him. He is such an angry obnoxious child. He's just plain old nasty aaaaaallllll the time! throws fits for no apparent reason or if there is a reason its not a very good one. a simple "no" or "hold on a min." or "get down" results in the ultimate temper tantrum. Throws himself on the floor, kicks, screams at the TOP of his lungs, cries hits, bites and throws things. Not to mention the fact that he holds his breath till he turns purple! Even when he was an infant ppl told me all the time, "he's such an angry baby!"

    He pretends to be nice to the cats only in the next split second he is either pulling a tail or fur, kicking or hitting or is squishing or laying on top of them. and they really hurt him!! Theyve bitten and scratched him to the point where it almost required stitches several times and the wounds have gotton infected despite the proper cleaning and care. I dont blame them though!

    He absolutly terrorizes his sister! Walks up to her and smacks her repeatedly in the face or throws things at her or walks up to her when shes playing on the floor or even the table and just stomps on her things or rips her books, pulls her hair, tells her to "go to your room!" He is just relentless with her to the point that she is constantly crying and says she wishes that God had given her a different brother and asks if we really would get in trouble if we gave him away! lol funny...but not really! Thats not the way I pictured my kids growing up and loving eachother. She refuses to hit him back (which I know isnt right but Ive gotton to the point that I tell her to) despite his relentless tormenting and intaginizing.

    Then there's the constant energy and the go-go-go! ALWAYS on the move! Crawled and climbed at 5 months but didnt walk alone untill he was almost 14 months. He will literally just run in circles like hes going to burn a hole in the carpet! He climbs on EVERYTHING!!!! the table, counters, chairs, his high chair, even the doors! Every where I've ever gone with him, I have at LEAST 1 person come up to me and say, "My God! You must be so tired!" I've attempted to take them to the park or for walks but I can't even do that. I can't watch Kenzie when I'm chasing after thank you bc he doesnt want to stay in the play ground-he just wants to run! He doesn't get the fact that you have have to SIT to go down the slide or that you can't just walk off the edge of the play equipment! If I'm not RIGHT there he would just walk right off! With all my attention on him I cant watch my daughter! And it's not fair to her!

    I try my hardest not to go ANYWHERE by myself with him if possible. Not even to the store bc if he sees something he wants and can't have it, all hell breaks loose! He will continue to scream and scream to the point that i just want to beat him! ppl stare and i dont even wanna THINK about what THEY'RE thinking! I just can't do it! At the end of the trip theres always SOMETHING opened before we get to the register. If i dont open it, he will reach into the cart himself while im looking on the shelves and open it. He is that quick! I don't like to take him to pick my daughter up from school bc God forbid we have to wait 30 seconds for her to come out! He throws ANOTHER fit! Why, I don't know bc he will just be torturing her in the next 5 min.

    Not to mention the fact that I can't get the kid to even sit down long enough to eat anything. He's 2 1/2 ans weighs about 26lbs. and still fits into some 12 month clothes and 6-9 month onsies. Always been on the low end of the percentiles and Dr.s aren't worried. Everything he eats is stuff like crackers or spoonfuls of peanut butter are his favorite....anything he can take on the go. And he won't touch anything that is mooshy at all! He has a texture issue. Like oranges, oatmeal, applesauce, green beans, peas, or even fruit snacks or gummies! Weird kid! lol

    He is so defiant and won't listen to a darn word I say! Everything is "NO!" and "I don't wanna!" just to name a couple! Just plain old nasty! Everything is a fight! I put him in his room for time outs and after a few min. he comes out and he will appologize to and for whatever he did. But not more than 5 min. later he's back to doing the same thing or something different that he KNOWS he shouldn't. He's not stupid! He does know right from wrong and understands the rules. Testing limits and boundaries, yes, but he DOES know them! But the tantrums are getting out of control! I am currently on Xanex and Zoloft bc of him! Bc I can't handle him! I often think about giving him up, although I could NEVER do that, I think about what life was like before him and how much easier it would be without him! I feel like a terrible mother! How could I say I love my child but have those thoughts and feelings towards him?! What kind of mother does that?! And I know I show favoritism to my daughter. She's just sooooo much easier and I've never experienced ANYTHING remotely close to his behavior! She's so much easier to love.

    Every morning he is up at the crack of dawn, this morning he's been up since 3:00am and it is now 7:30am and he JUST fell back to sleep on the couch! When I go inot his room in the am EVERYTHING is torn a part! All the clothes from the dressers, toys dumped out-just a disaster! Not to mention the fact that he is very destructive and break his toys! Don;t ask me how bc some of the things he breaks, I couldn't even break them!

    I've tried talking to his Pedi but every single time-and he's witnessed a few minor melt-downs, he just says it's normal behavior and some kids are tougher than others. Says I have to wait untill he's older to have him evaluated for any kind of disorder. Do I really?! Or can he be diagnosed NOW?! I've been reading about ODD and it describes him to a T!!

    Anyways, I'm sure there's tons more to write about him. I could go on for days! Weeks even! But as it stands this post is waaaaaay too long already and ppl will probly not even bother to read! Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind! Next ones won't be so long! lol

    Thanks to anyone who bothers to read! Any questions, comments, advice, critisism, tips, information, vacations, donations (just kidding!) is welcome and very much appreciated! Any kind of help! I hope to find some answers, support, and some friends here as I will try to offer the same! Thanks again and I hope to hear from anyone soon!

  2. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Hi Becky, I'm sorry that your situation required you to track us down but I'm glad you found us. Yup, everything you're describing is familiar territory to various moms around here.

    Most pediatricians are reluctant to do any kind of referring prior to age 3 unless there is something that points to developmental delays instead of what could be interpreted as possible behavioral problems. (And some of what you're describing could be attributed to normal 2 year old behaviors--many busy two year olds would walk off a slide or walk away from a park which is why they need constant supervision.)This can be a real standoff because often we hear moms approaching pediatricians because they suspect something more is going on and they can't get them to agree it's worth pursuing. So let me ask some questions to see if there are any developmental red flags.

    How is his speech? Is it developmentally on target for his age?

    Texture issues aren't uncommon among 2 year olds but to the point of not gaining weight is of concern. Check out this article and see if there's anything else ringing a bell:

    Other than the angry/defiant behavior, never stopping, and eating issues, is there anything else that seems unusual, quirky or plain weird about his behaviors? Interests and/or behaviors that you wouldn't expect to see in a child of his age?

    On the practical side of things, I would suggest that you make changes in your household to accomodate the fact that your son has difficult behaviors and isn't ready developmentally to handle some things that other children of his age might be able to. This is both for his safety as well as for your sanity. Take his clothes and move them out of the dresser so he can't trash the place. Keep a few days supply handy where you need them and stash the rest up high in his closet or in a tub in a room you can keep locked. Divide the toys up into four tubs and rotate them so there's only a fraction of the toys out plus it will help keep his interest. And if he's not really playing with them at all but dumps them and moves on, then put most of them away. It's not worth the hassle for you. Otherwise, babyproof, babyproof, babyproof! My difficult child was the second child in the family and when he turned 3 I had to do additional babyproofing in the way of putting stuff up that my youngest son had no problems with. If he's getting into closets or other rooms and being destructive put locks high up on the doors to keep him out.

    On the survival front, the other advice I have for you is that constant supervision is your best hope at this age. Many of have been there done that (myself included) and it's no fun at all but it's very necessary. Don't fight battles you can't win such as making him sit down at the table and eat at dinner time. Put food that you know he likes in front of him while he's playing or watching a video. If you can find a teenage mother's helper to give you a hand sometimes I think it would be great all the way around, even if it's just to get your little one out to the park to play. Sometimes difficult child's surprise us and do well for a helper like that as well.

    Hang in there--things get better!
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    HI, hon. You have your hands full. Sound like a great, caring mother and only 23! My 22 year old daughter couldn't do what you are. Ok, here's some advice. First of all, look at the family tree on both sides and see if there are any psyschiatric problems, substance abuse, or neurological problems on either side. Substance abuse is usually a symptom that the person is self-medicating, say, a mood disorder. Include "funny" relatives who were not diagnosed. Most things are inheritied! Secondly, I would call a children or university hospital and schedule a Multi-Disciplinary Evaluation. This is a group of professionals who will assess your child to come up with a 'working diagnosis' and a plan. ODD itself is not very useful--it is usually behavior caused for a bigger disorder--a description of symptoms more than a stand alone diagnosis. I think most kids here exhibit symptoms of ODD, but it can accompany ADD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), bipolar, anxiety disorder etc. I'd say your child can have any of those or a combination. I'm not the professional. At your child's age getting an "accurate" picture is hard, but you could get something to work with, and perhaps medications and a behavior plan that will alleviate the tension in your home and calm your child enough to work with him. I strongly recommend th evaluation. STRONGLY. Did I say strongly? :wink: Then I'd order the book "The Explosive Child" to give you suggestions on what to do until you get your son on track (and you WILL get him on track--it just take effort, which you are willing to put in, and often time to find the right diagnosis.). If he is that out of control, I'm not sure a typical behavior plan will do anything more than cause you angst, as many times kids with disorders don't follow the rules/books on "How I Raised My Perfect Angel." :smile: If there is no good hospital near you, I recommend being willing to travel a few hours to get GOOD help. Good help vs. bad help is imperative. I would take solace knowing NOTHING is your fault and that there IS help. Others will come along who also will give you more suggestions. You are in a good place where everyone cares about you and your kids, and we've been there/done that (been there done that). difficult child means Gift From God (or difficult child that God knew we could handle, although sometimes we all wonder if He picked the wrong Mom). I'm impressed that your young marriage is intact. Good for both of you! Try to get hub on board. (((Hugs)))
  4. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    MM makes a good point that you could try and schedule a multidisciplinary evaluation through a children's hospital but it's really hit or miss whether they'll give you an appointment without a pediatrician referral. Appointments in our area are so tight that they are running 3 to 6 months out and absolutely no one gets through without a referral but it wouldn't hurt to try.
  5. Ltlredhen

    Ltlredhen New Member

    Hi Becky,

    Welcome to the group, sorry you need to be here though. I have a grandson just turned 5 that I am raising who sounds a great deal like your son when he was that age. My daughter couldn't handle/deal with him so I now have custody.

    One area you might pursue is some type of "early childhood intervention" through your local MHMR office. They handle the evaluations for kids up to age 3 in most states. After 3 yrs, the evaluations fall to the local school districts.

    This is how we started with my grandson. Also you might want to start some type of journal on your son's behavior. Not some great big drawn out book, just something brief, simple sentences that helps you remember his behavior. Things like what he eats, when he gets up and goes to bed. If there seems to be anything that triggers his behavior. Is he worse or better in the morning/evenings. Things like this. This might help you see some type of pattern that will be invaluable to an evaluation in the future.

    I recently pulled out a description of my gs that I wrote when he was 2 1/2 and took it with me to his new psychiatrist appointment. The doctor said "yep, kinda extreme", lol.
    If I had relied on my memory I would never have been able to keep up with all of that.

    Good luck, it is tough.

  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    [ QUOTE ]
    Every morning he is up at the crack of dawn, this morning he's been up since 3:00am and it is now 7:30am and he JUST fell back to sleep on the couch! When I go inot his room in the am EVERYTHING is torn a part! All the clothes from the dressers, toys dumped out-just a disaster! Not to mention the fact that he is very destructive and break his toys! Don;t ask me how bc some of the things he breaks, I couldn't even break them!

    [/ QUOTE ]

    Hi Becky. I think you're going to fit right in here! :smile:
    The sleeping part jumped out to me. How many hours does he get a night? Is it broken or restless sleep? I ask because sleep disorders can sometimes cause psychiatric symptoms and can actually make children hyper. :hammer:
  7. amy4129

    amy4129 New Member

    Just wanted to add a quick welcome.
  8. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Just wanted to say hello. You have gotten some good advice from a few moms who have been there.
    Welcome to our world.
  9. lordhelpme

    lordhelpme New Member

    i wanted to say hi also!

    i am new here too and so far have gotten wonderful advice from everyone.
  10. SuzyfromTexas

    SuzyfromTexas New Member

    Hi Becky,

    I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I so get how hard it is for you right now. I have a son who just turned six and we just had him evaluated. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone out there. In fact, I was tearing up reading your post and was reminded of earlier days with my son. Things have gotten much better! Hugs to you!
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If you call a university hospital, you probably won't need a pediatrician's referral. I did both of mine on my own, and I only have state insurance and both times it was covered, and they gave my kids very thorough exams. This happened once in Illinois and once in Wisconsin. Hope this helps--you can't always count on pediatricians to know when something isn't right--they do "sniffles." ODD is usually the result of a bigger disorder. Almost all kids with problems display ODD behavior. In of itself, the description isn't that useful. I have a hint of advice: Skip a psycologist or any sort of talk therapist as your first professional. They have no medical training and often want to treat everything behaviorally, but, if it's a disorder, a child usually won't respond to behavioral therapy until he is stabilized or getting the proper interventions. Also, look at your family background for hints of what might be going on with your child.
  12. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    You have been given so much helpful information already, that I can't think of much more to add. I'm new here too. I wish I had found this site when my children were younger.

    Anyway, reading your post brought back really terrible memories of life with difficult child 1. I really understand how you feel. Although difficult child 1 and your difficult child are different in some ways, my difficult child 1 screamed his way through his infancy and, as a toddler, if he didn't get his own way, he made life a living H*ll!!! I also tried to talk to my pediatrician. He also told me that difficult child 1 was just a difficult child. He basically dismissed my concerns.

    When difficult child 2 was born, I noticed that he wasn't reaching any of the developmental milestones. Again, I tried to talk to my pediatrician. Once again, he dissmissed all of my concerns.

    At this point I had had it!!! Fortunately for me, my babysitter's mother worked at a different pedi's office. She highly recommended this particular pedi - her own kids were two of his patients. She got me in to meet him right away.

    He gave me the same information that Ltlredhen has given to you. The services provided by Early Intervention in my area were fantastic. I brought difficult child 2 to the center 3x/week for PT, Occupational Therapist (OT), speech therapy, and group therapy. (Unfortunately, difficult child 1 was already over 3 yrs old and unable to be evaluated or receive services from EI).

    The only additional advice I can think of that I don't think has already been mentioned, is that if you're unhappy with your pediatrician, maybe it is a good time to find another one.

    Don't be too hard on yourself. Kids like ours can drive anyone over the edge...

    Please find time to take care of yourself. Let those closest to you help you. Wishing you peace... WFEN
  13. wolonfab

    wolonfab New Member

    Hi there

    Just adding my welcome...

    R u sure u dont have my 5 yr old by mistake????...... LOL

    My difficult child has autism and is very violent...... Throws his sister down the stairs, breaks everything including a solid steel bed...Dont ask me how he did that..... Has hurt pets...(actually killed one too in the end so no more in our house)

    You have come to a great site...everyone is there when u need them and they all put on their warrior mum armour and stand beside you too....... Definately push thru for an assessment...i have fought for 3 yrs to get my son diagnosed and am so glad i did.....

    It helps you to understand your baby
  14. Frustrated_folks

    Frustrated_folks New Member

    Sound a lot like what our oldest (4) son was doing. Our youngest (2) who is a major copycat was beginnig to show the same behavoirs. Toys dumped and smashed everywhere and tanturms, tantrums, tantrums. He was resently diagnoised with ODD and some autistic tendencies. But, before the diagnoises my husband who watches a lot of Dr. Phil, thought that it might be a good idea if we took all of his toys away. So that's what we did. Everything that even resembled a toy we put away. (We let him keep his books because we figured he needed something to do.) We told him that after one week he could begin to earn toys back one at a time, if he could show us that he could have "good" days. We explained to him what a good day ment to us and then we stuck with the plan. It was really hard. It got worse before it got better, but we started to see improvement after we stuck to our guns and showed him that Dad, babysitter, pre-school and I were on a unified front.

    When it comes to a diagnois for your son. See if there is a Help me Grow program or something of the sort in your county. You can call them and they will come out a evaulate him for free. If they have any concerns they will refer you to county pre-school director and they can evaluate your child for free too. This has helped Lane out a lot. He now attends a specail needs pre-school and we have seen vast improvement in his attitude and behavoir since starting there.
    Best wishes and hang in there. I firmly believe that God dishes out what he think each of us can handle. I just wish he didn't have so much faith in me. <grin>
    I'll be praying for you.
    Traci :biggrin:
  15. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Becky, welcome to our world. You already belong!

    As you will see by reading posts so far, we can all relate to your concerns.

    You have a gem of a daughter, she is doing exactly the right thing in not hitting back. Praise her for it, but try to provide her with somewhere she can escape to.Tell her that there is something wrong, little brothers are not supposed to be like this, and you want to help him by finding out what he needs in order to learn some control.

    Hitting him in response to this behaviour - it's tempting, it's the way a lot of us were brought up ("and it never did me any harm", we keep hearing) but if there's any chance of ODD or ODD-like behaviour, smacking is probably the worst thing you can do. it doesn't have any impact on them except to teach them that hitting is the way to get someone's attention. And he's already doing that.

    Basically, he's not getting the message. Whatever discipline you're trying right now, it's not working. This DOES NOT mean you're a bad mother, only that with some kids we have to learn to think outside the square. You've clearly been able to get it right with your daughter, so you know how to be a good parent. But there is something wrong here, you're very right to be concerned.

    Smacking - the point of it is, it sends a short, sharp message to the child who is repeatedly ignoring or not paying attention, to get their attention and also let them know they've done something wrong. It's not supposed to hurt but it often has to escalate to the point where it does, because some kids especially will become desensitised to it. And if the cats are clawing him that badly, then pain is not sending him any relevant messages, so smacking is not the way to work things for him.

    Besides, if he learns that smacking is OK for you to do, he will be trying it back on you and these kids can be very strong and do a lot of damage.

    Punishments only work if the child is misbehaving out of planned design. Impulse that can't be helped or controlled shouldn't be punished. Of course, there need to be consequences, because other people must be kept safe. But that's not the same thing. Natural consequences are what we ALL have to deal with in our own lives. For example, if he hurts the cats, they will scratch him. If he keeps hurting the cats, they will be sent to live somewhere else and no pets will replace them until you know they can be safe. This isn't punishment, it's you trying to keep the cats safe (maybe the cats need their refuge from him as well? An outdoor caged cat run?). You also need to be the guardian to try to head off what problems you can, to help him learn that there IS control available and you will help him find it. You need to become his helper, not his barrier. He needs to be helped to see you (and your partner) in this light.

    ODD, in my experience, rarely shows up in a kid this age as a stand-alone disorder. It generally is the result of a constellation of other problems. Get to the bottom of the other problems, find a different way to parent this particular child, and you can at least improve things.

    I STRONGLY urge you to get your hands, fast, on a copy of "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. Grab one from the library. Check out the website. Read posts on the Early Childhood forum which are dealing with it. I don't buy every book recommended, I wouldn't even buy one in ten. But this book, I bought. It lives beside my bed. It's not a cure-all, because it doesn't cure anything in the child. What it DOES do is give us a more specific parenting attitude to our particular situation. There is no guilt, no blame, merely an acceptance that some kids simply can't function without a different way of managing them. With these kids, you have to throw out just about all other guide books on raising children. Forget Dr Spock, forget Dr Chris Green (Aussie Dr Spock), Ross Greene's book helps you find your own way, which is what seems to work the best. It also takes a lot of the heat out of parenting a difficult child.

    As for evaluation at this age - yes, it can be done. And frankly, if a child is that much of a problem at 3, then waiting another two years (a very long time in the life of a child that young) is reprehensible. Does he have any language issues? OK, he may be talking OK, sounding out words and repeating what other people say, but there's a lot more to language development than that. And a child with language problems who does not receive early intervention can be held back in his development. Not good. At the very least, the paed should have referred him for a speech and language assessment. If he tests out OK - great. Tick that off the list. But it should have already been done, as a matter of course. Knowing his language status NOW could be vital later on. Not knowing - some questions can never be satisfactorily answered.

    With the paediatrician - he needs to be convinced. Can you videotape your son? Can you trigger a reaction in the consulting room? And if the paed is still not convinced, throw your own tantrum. Tell him you need to know, one way or the other, because if this kid IS normal then you need some urgent parenting support, yourself. And since you've got this far with your daughter and SHE doesn't do this sort of stuff, then you clearly need to be taught how to parent active, difficult little boys. Tell him you MUST have it independently confirmed that there is nothing wrong with him, so you can get on with your job as a mum without worrying so much. And ask him if he would adopt your cats, which can't take any more terrorising from this 'normal' little boy. basically, if you make yourself really inconvenient to the paed, he will organise testing just to get you off his back (and not have to adopt your cats).

    Boys ARE different to girls, but not THAT different. The food refusal on the basis of texture - sounds like Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) to me (sensory integration disorder) which is part of a number of other conditions, including autism (which we know very well, in our household). Boys his age should be eating just about anything they can lay their hands on. From our situation - we give way to the food problems. Better to not have him lose the weight, there's no point making a point, if you know what I mean. Feed him as healthy a diet as you can, within the limitations of his taste and texture issues. My difficult child 3, for example, won't eat anything with a creamy texture. Plain cake is OK, frosting and cream is out. So most party cakes - he won't eat them. He WILL eat salads (will help himself to vegetables from the fridge) and lives on instant noodles. I cook rissoles and sausages and leave them on a plate in the fridge, for him to help himself. Then I have to remind him to eat. But by giving him choice, he eats more from the selection I have provided. If he snacks heavily on sausage and salad at 5 pm and then won't eat his dinner, I don't care. He's eaten well enough anyway. I might feed him a bit more before bedtime, though, to give him the best chance of sleeping longer. A hungry kid will wake sooner, eat something, then go back to sleep. if that works for you for now, do it. If you feed him as much as you can get him to eat in the evening, and he still wakes at 5 am, feed him when he wakes then see if you can get him back to bed. If this works for you. Basically, whatever works to help him be a nicer kid to know, is what is going to work in other parts of your life too.

    A young friend of ours (very easy child) was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy at age 3. She was very thin, very frail and often too tired to eat. her parents were shovelling calories into her as best as they could Their usual parenting methods went out the window - no more having to sit at table for the entire meal (she would fall asleep in her bowl, from exhaustion) but instead, they would feed her through the entire day, following her around with food she could eat easily without it tiring her too much. Popcorn was really good. They would make buttered popcorn and keep the supplies up to all the kids in the house, while watching to make sure she got enough too. Slices of sandwich meat, potatoes, bread, flavoured milk - it all kept her going. And it paid off - despite being told she wouldn't make it to her teens, she's now living away from home studying at university, and has asked her parents to sell her wheelchair. She still has muscular dystrophy but has enough strength to be walking, at age 20. Her parents helped her by learning that it's OK to change the rules to suit your child's needs. It's not spoiling them - it's saving them. And you.

    To further raise the issue of assessment NOW with the paediatrician, do the informal (not officially diagnostic) online Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire found through You plug in your answers to the questions (there is a really good guide on exactly how to score the test) then print the results. Take it to the doctor, show it to him and this will help him see the areas which are really concerning you. He should take it from there.

    If this doesn't work, do as MWM suggested and get him assessed through the hospital system. In fact, while you're waiting to convince the paediatrician, book your appointments now. If your public assessment system is anything like ours, he should manage to get in to be seen by the time he is 5!

  16. Sidney

    Sidney New Member

    Hello, I am the mother of a 6 year old and have gone through a few things. Gave EFA's to myself while pregnant and to him as soon as he was weaned at 13 mos. Had my son allergy tested at 1 year, found he was allergic to Wheat, Milk, Soy and Citrus, so avoided all those. Took him to the doctor again about no weight gain 6 mos later, didn't take me seriously til he was a 2 years old. Found out he had asthma and it was brought on by mold and also came on whenever he had a virus, so got an air purifier that kills mold spores - he started sleeping way better. Saw a naturopath at 5 because of ADHD, he added pycogenol which helped a little with attention, I have put full spectrum bulbs in my house (in case it is bipolar related behaviour, which my brother is) BUT up to this point nothing made a significant difference to his behaviour. He was impulsive, defiant, argumentative, dangerous around his brother who came along when he was 4 1/2, always touching everything, bumping people, generally acting crazy, freaking out at little things to the point of seeming quite evil, BUT strangers would think he was quite charming because he loves to talk and is quite friendly, unless he's in a mood. Only in the last ten days have I started, and his teacher also, to see a change. I have begun Handle therapy. You can look up their website I actually complained to them because their website does not come up when you type in something general like ADHD or Autism etc. I cannot say for sure that it is the thing that is doing it for him, but it is the only thing that has changed for him and he has begun to act better. I have definitely seen more kindness and love directed from him to his little brother and when I'm at home that's huge, because generally I have to stay in the room with them and can't get anything done, and because he acts wild it is very stressful. He seems to have started to calm down. What the handle screener after 2 hours of testing was that his eyes, though they saw 20/20, were acting independantly, taking turns seeing. The only thing about his eyes that his father and I noticed is that the left eye would wander upwards occassionally. If this had gone on he would have gone blind in one eye. He also has no balance in his left ear (he often falls down and hits himself in the head on purpose with his hand). I had taken him to a CranialSacral therapist and she said 3 months ago that he had some kind of lesion in his sphenoid process on that same side. His left eye is the weaker one. She said because of this he is always checking where he is and that is why he is constantly touching things. She said his other behaviours are all coping mechanisms for him. Now we do very simple exercises, which he argues with me about doing, and already his left eye is turning in to focus, and it has only been 10 days. It will take at least 3 months to see a full result.

    If I were you, knowing what I have tried, I would get him allergy tested, get him on some good vitamins and supplements including EFA's, I would have his eyes tested and his ears including his balance. I would check with a CranialSacral therapist to see if there is a misalignment that is causing a restriction in his brain (50% of ADHD kids have this). I would have a Handle screening done on him if you can (i'm not sure they test on kids younger than 5). Something interesting, one of their questions on the questionaire is about your child avoiding, or wanting certain textures in food. To me it sounds like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), it seems to fit what I've read, but it is a brain disorder in any case and Handle treats all types of brain disfunction, Autism, bipolar, ADHD etc.

    If it makes you feel better, I have lived your stress to the point where my husband and I started to feel mentally ill from it. It wears you down. I will check in to tell you of my sons progress with his recent therapy.
  17. Sidney

    Sidney New Member

    Just to add another link for you to investigate CrainialSacral (I think). This obviously did not "cure" my son, but being that it has been since he was a baby that he's been like this, it is worth investigating. These people can take a colicky baby and make him fall asleep with very gentle manipulation of the skull.
  18. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Welcome and thanks for your input, Sidney. If you have any questions about your own child or situation please feel free to make an introductory post.

    I'm wondering if it might be good for us to wait and see if the original poster is still around before we sink more time in typing out info/advice/encouragement. Sometimes people just drop in once and don't return and our time is more valuable than writing to someone who is no longer reading.

    Thekidsmademedoit, are you still around and reading the boards? How are things going?
  19. Monica

    Monica New Member

    Wow - it is so refreshing and therapeutic to connect to other parents who are in similar situations... I totally can relate to you and what you have gone through with your preschool-age youngster. I just joined the forum tonight after finding it through a search engine when I was searching for info about Oppositional Defiant Disorder, which I am pretty certain my daughter has. Becky (my daughter) just turned 4 a couple weeks ago, and is in a special needs preschool. She has an IEP plan for what was originally a speech delay (apraxia), but has since changed to significant behavioral issues - temper tantrums, defiant behavior, the like. Everything seems to be a battle with her - getting her to sit down and eat, getting her to get dressed, getting her to put on her coat to go somewhere, getting her to get in the car without having to chase her all over the yard first. Tonight I almost had a mental and emotional breakdown after she finished a tumbling class and had an absolute meltdown when I tried to put her shoes on. I ultimately ended up carrying her out to the car barefoot (in late February nonetheless) because I simply could not put her shoes on her feet. She made me so angry I was in tears. After having taught 115 high school students my patience stores are already somewhat depleted when I get her in the afternoon (my husband works 2nd shift), and that is when her episodes seem to be worse. She has had psychological testing and the doctors have indicated that they believe she has ODD, and, although it is too early to diagnose definitively, she also showed some characteristics of ADHD.

    Anyway, it is nice to read about other people's similar experiences - it helps me because sometimes I find that I doubt myself - I wonder if Becky acts the way she does because of something I'm doing wrong or because I'm not doing something I should be doing. I'm sure that there are some things that I could be doing better, but I am also starting to recognize that ODD is not something that parents necessarily have control over, as it can also be genetic and medically-based.

    I guess all we can do is to take it one day at a time and to take time for ourselves - all important! I think that is why I feel so frayed because I simply have not had much time to myself. I am also expecting, so at times I am an emotional rollercoaster. I am hoping and praying that this baby will be normal (or relatively normal), and I look forward to Becky having a sibling to play with. Hopefully having a sibling will help with her behavioral issues (of course, it could just make me even more crazy!!).

    Monica :eek:)
  20. jodyice

    jodyice New Member

    hi Becky, just wanted to add my welcome.