Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
newbie learning to deal with ODD...help!
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 181081" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I know some of you might have been thinking bipolar, but it sounds a lot like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form, too. It could be a number of things, including just the turmoil she's been through in her life. Sometimes it's just too difficult to pin down the "why", we just deal with the "because".</p><p></p><p>As for what to do to cope - a strong suggestion is to postpone trying to read your book (or whatever it is) until you know you will have the uninterrupted time to do it. Ignore her age, but consider her, at least in this, to be the equivalent of a needy two year old. With them you can't make them wait or insist on equal time and personal space. You do best if you put down your thing, help them out with whatever is bugging them, and then when they are settled you might have more chance. if you keep trying to hang on to your own "rights" you will both lose. She will ramp it up and get worked up and you still won't get to read your book, probably for even longer.</p><p></p><p>I do this almost automatically - for example, when getting lunch for the family, I get everybody else's first and then feel free to get mine. I'm not putting myself last to be a martyr - no, I'm doing it because if I feed myself FIRST, my meal is almost guaranteed to be interrupted and it will be cold and congealed before I get to it. So I've learned to feed the kids (when they were younger) and get them fed, bathed, settled etc AND THEN I know I have the time and space to enjoy my meal in peace.</p><p></p><p>And that's something else - a hungry kid is always a bigger pain to deal with. I've learned to get their needs out of the way first and we all have a much more peaceful time.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 said to me this afternoon, "Why was I such an easy baby?"</p><p>And he was.</p><p>My answer has to be, "Because I was able to easily work out what you wanted, and give it to you before it became a big issue."</p><p></p><p>This doesn't mean you subjugate yourself completely to someone else; if I'm sitting down to finally have my lunch and one of the (already fed) kids comes to me nagging for something, I point out that they have had their lunch, I am just beginning mine and when I have caught up to them I will attend to their needs. The more they interrupt me, the longer it will take me. </p><p></p><p>Similarly, if I've been shopping with the kids and they were getting more fractious - I'd stop what we were doing and feed them. Often a full tummy made a huge difference to their behaviour. They certainly were less inclined to nag me into buying every scrap of junk food we saw, if they had been just stuffed to the gills five minutes earlier.</p><p></p><p>What MIGHT work, is if you say to her, "I have one thing to do, I will be ready to read/play in ten minutes, if you leave me alone for that time."</p><p>Make it a very short time, not too long, and see if you can find a set number of minutes that she can wait. To make this work you have to follow through exactly, don't even delay by one minute. You MUST be true to your word. Also, some times she will be more patient than others.</p><p></p><p>Something else that can work is physical activity. If she is being difficult and getting on everyone's nerves, take her for a walk. I wouldn't send her out alone until you think she can handle it, but the combination of exerting herself physically plus the fresh air plus someone with her to talk with, can sometimes help defuse her and destress others. Then maybe they will do the same for you, at a later stage.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 181081, member: 1991"] I know some of you might have been thinking bipolar, but it sounds a lot like Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) in some form, too. It could be a number of things, including just the turmoil she's been through in her life. Sometimes it's just too difficult to pin down the "why", we just deal with the "because". As for what to do to cope - a strong suggestion is to postpone trying to read your book (or whatever it is) until you know you will have the uninterrupted time to do it. Ignore her age, but consider her, at least in this, to be the equivalent of a needy two year old. With them you can't make them wait or insist on equal time and personal space. You do best if you put down your thing, help them out with whatever is bugging them, and then when they are settled you might have more chance. if you keep trying to hang on to your own "rights" you will both lose. She will ramp it up and get worked up and you still won't get to read your book, probably for even longer. I do this almost automatically - for example, when getting lunch for the family, I get everybody else's first and then feel free to get mine. I'm not putting myself last to be a martyr - no, I'm doing it because if I feed myself FIRST, my meal is almost guaranteed to be interrupted and it will be cold and congealed before I get to it. So I've learned to feed the kids (when they were younger) and get them fed, bathed, settled etc AND THEN I know I have the time and space to enjoy my meal in peace. And that's something else - a hungry kid is always a bigger pain to deal with. I've learned to get their needs out of the way first and we all have a much more peaceful time. difficult child 3 said to me this afternoon, "Why was I such an easy baby?" And he was. My answer has to be, "Because I was able to easily work out what you wanted, and give it to you before it became a big issue." This doesn't mean you subjugate yourself completely to someone else; if I'm sitting down to finally have my lunch and one of the (already fed) kids comes to me nagging for something, I point out that they have had their lunch, I am just beginning mine and when I have caught up to them I will attend to their needs. The more they interrupt me, the longer it will take me. Similarly, if I've been shopping with the kids and they were getting more fractious - I'd stop what we were doing and feed them. Often a full tummy made a huge difference to their behaviour. They certainly were less inclined to nag me into buying every scrap of junk food we saw, if they had been just stuffed to the gills five minutes earlier. What MIGHT work, is if you say to her, "I have one thing to do, I will be ready to read/play in ten minutes, if you leave me alone for that time." Make it a very short time, not too long, and see if you can find a set number of minutes that she can wait. To make this work you have to follow through exactly, don't even delay by one minute. You MUST be true to your word. Also, some times she will be more patient than others. Something else that can work is physical activity. If she is being difficult and getting on everyone's nerves, take her for a walk. I wouldn't send her out alone until you think she can handle it, but the combination of exerting herself physically plus the fresh air plus someone with her to talk with, can sometimes help defuse her and destress others. Then maybe they will do the same for you, at a later stage. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
newbie learning to deal with ODD...help!
Top