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<blockquote data-quote="navineja" data-source="post: 92943" data-attributes="member: 4278"><p>Hello all. I will try to make this as short as possible. We have had my twin nieces for 3 years now- they are now 6. Their background includes neglect and abuse of various types. The initial attachment problems have been dealt with and basically "healed". However, N has now been diagnosed with ODD, which is becoming more pronounced lately. She has always made her desires known but used to be more willing or able to control her temper. Lately, though, she has been raging and/or strongly defiant almost daily. After about 4 weeks of this (and going through our entire bag of tricks- and it is a large bag <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />) we decided to revoke privileges such as going to other's homes to play, staying up late, etc. ("If you are going to choose to have these fits, you will have to do it at home." "If you choose not to control yourself, you must be very tired.") She was told that if she chose to control herself for 3 days in a row, she would earn back a privilege. Lo and behold, 3 days- no problems- privilege earned. But then, right back to the rages and fits. When I asked her why there were no fits for those 3 days, she said that she wanted her privileges so she chose not to have a fit! So she does understand that her actions determine the consequences, but she still wants to have her fit and be able to do everything that she normally does. And when she can't then it is not her fault- it is ours.</p><p>I have been able to handle the problems that go along with little ones with issues so far, but I need some new tricks for my bag. Over a month of constant battles is wearing on me and I need some help from those that have been there, done that, and had success. I know that this is minor compared to what a lot of you go through, but I would appreciate any advice. TIA.</p><p></p><p>Naomi</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="navineja, post: 92943, member: 4278"] Hello all. I will try to make this as short as possible. We have had my twin nieces for 3 years now- they are now 6. Their background includes neglect and abuse of various types. The initial attachment problems have been dealt with and basically "healed". However, N has now been diagnosed with ODD, which is becoming more pronounced lately. She has always made her desires known but used to be more willing or able to control her temper. Lately, though, she has been raging and/or strongly defiant almost daily. After about 4 weeks of this (and going through our entire bag of tricks- and it is a large bag :)) we decided to revoke privileges such as going to other's homes to play, staying up late, etc. ("If you are going to choose to have these fits, you will have to do it at home." "If you choose not to control yourself, you must be very tired.") She was told that if she chose to control herself for 3 days in a row, she would earn back a privilege. Lo and behold, 3 days- no problems- privilege earned. But then, right back to the rages and fits. When I asked her why there were no fits for those 3 days, she said that she wanted her privileges so she chose not to have a fit! So she does understand that her actions determine the consequences, but she still wants to have her fit and be able to do everything that she normally does. And when she can't then it is not her fault- it is ours. I have been able to handle the problems that go along with little ones with issues so far, but I need some new tricks for my bag. Over a month of constant battles is wearing on me and I need some help from those that have been there, done that, and had success. I know that this is minor compared to what a lot of you go through, but I would appreciate any advice. TIA. Naomi [/QUOTE]
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