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<blockquote data-quote="navineja" data-source="post: 93454" data-attributes="member: 4278"><p>Thanks so much to all who have replied so far. I will try to answer the questions as best I can (forgive me if I ramble). I am not sure if the therapist is a psychiatrist or psychologist- I can never keep the two straight. She specializes in childhood trauma, including sexual abuse & attachment problems. She has been very instrumental in helping the girls heal the attachment issues. We have not felt the need to put either one on any medications as of this time. As for the in utero, their bio mother (and I use that term simply to differentiate between myself as the "acting" mother and her) claims that there was no drug or alcohol use at that time, but I have a very hard time believing her. Problems do run in the family, as well as very messed up parenting skills by their bio mother and grandmother. Neither girl has any verbal problems- quite the contrary, they have excellent vocabularies and speech patterns. I am not quite sure what is meant by cognitive delays, so I will pass that by. As for peer relationships, both are outgoing and make friends easily (Jackie more quickly than Neesie though). Neesie however tends to want to control the situations (she is frequently referred to as bossy).</p><p>In truth, in Amy's description of Megan I see a lot of characteristics of the twins, from the tantruming to the "playing dumb" and the lying. We too have made a lot of progress in eliminating or at least greatly lessening the worst of the behaviors. I guess what is really confusing to me is that this is not behavior that is typical for Neesie (raging like this and seeming completely unconcerned about the consequences). This is the type of thing that Jackie used to do regularly and adamantly (we have endured up to 5 straight hours of full blown screaming!). But Neesie was always quick to get upset but just as quick to get over it and get on with doing what she needed to do to be happy. She would have times of acting up but I could always trace it back to a change of schedule or a particular event that threw her off. And it would last a few days and then she would be back to herself.</p><p>Someone also mentioned that the kids don't choose to be like this. I agree with that, but in this case, I can't help but feel that there is some control over this (and please help me if I am way out there). This is because I asked Neesie why she had those 3 days of control and she replied "Because I wanted my privileges". And when she knows that she has something special coming up, she will visibly control herself so she does not lose that privilege. But it seems if she feels that she has nothing special to lose, she will just let her anger take over. It just really confuses me as to why she doesn't care about the consequences that she knows will happen.</p><p>Thanks to for the info on books to read. I have "When love is not enough", "99 ways to drive your kid sane", "Love and logic", and am currently reading "Taming the spirited child". I have also read "1-2-3 magic" and looked thru "The explosive child". I do need to get the explosive child again and thoroughly read that. At the time that I read it before, the issues were not daily and I felt that it didn't really fit. I do now!</p><p>Thanks to all for bearing with me and reading this far. Just knowing that you all are there dealing with this too is a great encouragement.</p><p></p><p>Naomi</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="navineja, post: 93454, member: 4278"] Thanks so much to all who have replied so far. I will try to answer the questions as best I can (forgive me if I ramble). I am not sure if the therapist is a psychiatrist or psychologist- I can never keep the two straight. She specializes in childhood trauma, including sexual abuse & attachment problems. She has been very instrumental in helping the girls heal the attachment issues. We have not felt the need to put either one on any medications as of this time. As for the in utero, their bio mother (and I use that term simply to differentiate between myself as the "acting" mother and her) claims that there was no drug or alcohol use at that time, but I have a very hard time believing her. Problems do run in the family, as well as very messed up parenting skills by their bio mother and grandmother. Neither girl has any verbal problems- quite the contrary, they have excellent vocabularies and speech patterns. I am not quite sure what is meant by cognitive delays, so I will pass that by. As for peer relationships, both are outgoing and make friends easily (Jackie more quickly than Neesie though). Neesie however tends to want to control the situations (she is frequently referred to as bossy). In truth, in Amy's description of Megan I see a lot of characteristics of the twins, from the tantruming to the "playing dumb" and the lying. We too have made a lot of progress in eliminating or at least greatly lessening the worst of the behaviors. I guess what is really confusing to me is that this is not behavior that is typical for Neesie (raging like this and seeming completely unconcerned about the consequences). This is the type of thing that Jackie used to do regularly and adamantly (we have endured up to 5 straight hours of full blown screaming!). But Neesie was always quick to get upset but just as quick to get over it and get on with doing what she needed to do to be happy. She would have times of acting up but I could always trace it back to a change of schedule or a particular event that threw her off. And it would last a few days and then she would be back to herself. Someone also mentioned that the kids don't choose to be like this. I agree with that, but in this case, I can't help but feel that there is some control over this (and please help me if I am way out there). This is because I asked Neesie why she had those 3 days of control and she replied "Because I wanted my privileges". And when she knows that she has something special coming up, she will visibly control herself so she does not lose that privilege. But it seems if she feels that she has nothing special to lose, she will just let her anger take over. It just really confuses me as to why she doesn't care about the consequences that she knows will happen. Thanks to for the info on books to read. I have "When love is not enough", "99 ways to drive your kid sane", "Love and logic", and am currently reading "Taming the spirited child". I have also read "1-2-3 magic" and looked thru "The explosive child". I do need to get the explosive child again and thoroughly read that. At the time that I read it before, the issues were not daily and I felt that it didn't really fit. I do now! Thanks to all for bearing with me and reading this far. Just knowing that you all are there dealing with this too is a great encouragement. Naomi [/QUOTE]
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